tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-80712300118587413482024-02-06T22:34:57.446-08:0090's RocksMy blog about movies, promotional food, and crap I grew up withMatthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07569099531705786742noreply@blogger.comBlogger43125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8071230011858741348.post-54614247353894924632011-06-27T14:51:00.001-07:002011-06-27T15:17:43.446-07:00DRINKABLE SUPER SOLDIER FORMULAAside from Batman, Captain America has always been my other favorite comic book super hero. I like what he represents. A man made to be a symbol of patriotism who kicks ass in WWII and fights for our country. Normally I'm not one for jingoism and patriotic crap, but something about the character brings out my fattest fanboy. I didn't mean that to sound the way it did...but from checking youtube comments on the newest film trailer, apparently a tightness in the pants was not an uncommon side effect from the new footage. As much as I feel like one of those people whose accused of taking the Christ out of Christmas, as soon as the movie was half a year away I started daydreaming about what sort of glorious food tie-ins we would get. While at first I felt wounded, confused and betrayed that 7-11 didn't come out with giant, obnoxious character cups like they did for Thor and Iron Man 2...what we ended up getting from DUNKIN DONUTS is much better. Trollops and belligerents, I'm pleased to present my favorite food tie-in item of recent memory.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDbqyqgEuXbdDKbe6euLhViIjvcxINAay0na41Byxs91Yc3ZEr0FU71S5knP8kWz3Dlx5LNFhZpwvK4LCa7Zq1LUhdWxSYdjP8PikRRhBpINY7HeQIhemZrlPnrJkC0GuSZlzXBZEpAMxZ/s1600/ph5oto.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDbqyqgEuXbdDKbe6euLhViIjvcxINAay0na41Byxs91Yc3ZEr0FU71S5knP8kWz3Dlx5LNFhZpwvK4LCa7Zq1LUhdWxSYdjP8PikRRhBpINY7HeQIhemZrlPnrJkC0GuSZlzXBZEpAMxZ/s320/ph5oto.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5623022551549162290" border="0" /></a>The official title is THE FIRST AVENGER TRI CUP. I realize it's probably hard to comprehend the whole experience of the thing from the iphone pics which I took hastily as soon as I hop-skipped out of the store like a retard after it took them three tries to make the damn thing. The employees all look around at each other like "oh shit" when somebody orders this thing. You're making them earn their salary in the regular American tradition. So what is it?<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiizChEHSw4wQVeCRAR2X_XmyTS0_fKRSWsHGpJmb_um558cxlKYR-5OVZOfiOdThgv6ftmbRHHrwnN7LSA9eIEso7039LQP00lElqCiJE6ccn_NeW9AsDxZnVO3DR7NfMklJCj5tvHpP5E/s1600/photo.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiizChEHSw4wQVeCRAR2X_XmyTS0_fKRSWsHGpJmb_um558cxlKYR-5OVZOfiOdThgv6ftmbRHHrwnN7LSA9eIEso7039LQP00lElqCiJE6ccn_NeW9AsDxZnVO3DR7NfMklJCj5tvHpP5E/s320/photo.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5623022559840835106" border="0" /></a>Not to be confused with Tri-county or <a href="http://limegreenpickle.tripod.com/images/triclops.jpg">Tri-Clops</a>, The First Avenger Tri Cup is a segmented vat of three Coolata flavors: Captain America Cherry. Blue Rasperry and vanilla something or other. Each of these segments is equivalent in size/volume to about one small coolata. If you order this thing...you're kind of in for it, but I was more than happy to finish it within ten minutes like some kind of crack-addled mosquitoe. After all I felt obligated at nearly SIX FUCKING DOLLARS. I don't see how the audience base for this thing will extend far beyond idiots like me and five year olds who will smack their parents and cause a scene until they're holding it at that price. But how could you NOT want it? They only advertise the thing in at least ...four corners of the store. Casual Cap fans with passing interest will get the Cherry Coolata or the star shaped donuts (which I also ate yesterday) but the true believers want the damn Tri Cup. It should be noted that the "release date" for the Tri Cup was today, 6/27 as I was informed yesterday at a local Dunkin...so I was really on my game with this one.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7KqNS0OYi536L6VnJMcaOQ0qMgqiDkwfgVfBeDrcf18h2EgPoSimb_lWAXueIZlJQEt99AEccavMAjmnhxL9RIvdqTTR12nPthRxAEKpWmW6H5UXwPCm8GWKB4A4BYQfpf9a4PYnz3kIY/s1600/phot3o.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7KqNS0OYi536L6VnJMcaOQ0qMgqiDkwfgVfBeDrcf18h2EgPoSimb_lWAXueIZlJQEt99AEccavMAjmnhxL9RIvdqTTR12nPthRxAEKpWmW6H5UXwPCm8GWKB4A4BYQfpf9a4PYnz3kIY/s320/phot3o.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5623022554183722370" border="0" /></a>How majestic is that? I'm still reeling (mentally and physically) from the one I finished 20 minutes ago and I want another. The flavors are great and it's fun to kind of decide which order to have them in...I began with white so the best one, blue obviously, would be bookended like the 2nd act of some incredible film. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but I really do like this one. The absurdly high premium is the only real drawback. The guy who handed me the cup probably didn't notice my pupils rapidly dilating and sweat forming around my brow. If this movie sucks I'm going to join the marines. Now if only I could get a three chambered RED RASBERRY REDSKULL cup.Matthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07569099531705786742noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8071230011858741348.post-87821712051241053852011-06-15T01:02:00.000-07:002011-06-15T01:05:23.692-07:00My review of Super 8: marketing a film as retro doesn't mean it needs to be more of the same<div style="text-align: left;"> Seeing a mob of confused people with failing electronic devices and flickering electricity in J. J. Abram’s newest virally-marketed flick, Super 8, I couldn’t help but be reminded of an episode of Rod Serling’s Twilight Zone with an episode called The Monsters are Due on Maple Street. In the classic episode, panicked townsfolk turn to the knowledge of a child who has read too many fantasy stories to guide them through the panic of an alien invasion. Ultimately the twist makes a statement and isn’t something you saw coming, which was always the case with the classic series. Sadly, with Super 8 and its equally mysteriously marketed predecessor Cloverfield from 2008; there is no twist, and the “surprise” of the films is exactly your first thought from the trailers.<br /></div><br /> The film opens with the protagonist, a young boy named Joe losing his mother and then flashes forward a few months to a group of enthusiastic young film makers attempting to film a zombie movie with a Super 8 camera. For “production value” they film a train as it’s passing by and it happens to explode multiple times. Before you know it the military is involved and it’s up to Joe’s father, the local sheriff, as played by Kyle Chandler (who seemingly holds the position of every other elected official in the town and conducts one-man press conferences) to save the world. Of course since the loss of his wife there has been some distance between him and his son and this alien disaster is just the kind of therapy their father-son relationship needed to bring them together in a one-dimensional and forced emotional arc.<br /><br /> It’s not the only shallow and uninteresting relationship in the movie though. Joe also quickly falls in love with a girl named Alice (Elle Fanning) applying monster make up on the film shoot and is willing to risk his life in the subsequent days to find her when she goes the way of the local dogs and appliances-missing. Scenes of Joe showing Alice footage of his mother and their bizarre under-age bonding experiences are where the film really tends to drag, though the action scenes are equally underwhelming and should serve to prove that the more explosions, thrashing tentacles and spastic unintelligible motion sequences you have in a movie doesn’t add to its stark and tasteful ambiguity, it only leaves the viewer slightly bored.<br /><br /> While it’s true, the use of child protagonists harkens back to older Speilberg films, you have to wonder how they became like a kid version of the A-team. One is a master of pyrotechnics, another a make up artist, one a brilliant actress and the other with an eye for storytelling. This premise unto itself, might have actually been more interesting than the wanton destruction and government conspiracies. Instead I’m left wondering why the film was marketed as if it were framed through a Super 8 camera and the logo of the film focused so much on that, as that plot line quickly devolves after the first 20 minutes until it’s no longer existent or relevant by the end of the film. While protagonists like Elliot in E.T. were able to stand alone in the 80’s and create a dramatic arc without forced drama, it was somehow necessary for Joe to be grieving the loss of his mother and making a film and falling in love prematurely to create a fully dynamic backdrop for alien invasion. And that aspect is nothing we haven’t seen before.<br /><br /> Super 8 borrows techniques and plot devices from tons of other films; from the accidental death of the mother as the result of the carelessness of a side character ala Signs to the government involvement of District 9, Super 8 felt like a movie that I’d seen before which added nothing new to the table. Some critics have said that if it was made in the 80’s it may have been a classic. I think it’s a little unfair to say that, because just about every movie that comes out now with advanced visual effects would have been as well. It feels slightly lazy to fall back on the draw of the film being a period piece with nods to older bodies of work to attempt to validate it. The movie magic surrounding Star Wars, E.T., Close Encounter of the Third Kind, and more is because those films really did something special that added to the ever changing medium of film and brought a new spectacle to the table. As much as I love homage’s to older movies and film connections, Super 8 just feels cut-and-dry and lifeless with no true emotional drive at the core and no genuine need to see how it ends, because you’ve seen it so many times before and you’re certain that all the characters will be fine. For a director that boasts such bold new visions, I can’t help but feel like this film is remarkably predictable and safe.<br /><br /> Toward the beginning of the film before disaster/invasion movie tropes became rampant and monotonous, the screenwriter of the group of kids is explaining how he read books on screenwriting and how you need to write in a love interest. When asked why he can’t supply a real reason other than “That’s how it works.” Thus Elle Fanning’s character is introduced into the zombie film. Ironically she exists in Super 8 for the same reason. For a movie apparently so aware of clichés it never made one attempt to avoid them or deviate from that little how-to guide to screen writing.Matthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07569099531705786742noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8071230011858741348.post-51842960551817605952011-06-09T11:29:00.001-07:002011-06-09T11:57:31.745-07:00All Time Top Five Action FIgure Playsets!This post is a little nerdier than most are willing to get. But I’m living life on the edge…taking chances. Namin names.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>So I’m sure you’re wondering based on the title of the entry…what in the hell is a playset?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Well just in case you have grown up completely and all knowledge of your childhood has left you, a playset is like a giant house/castle/environment or diorama of sorts that exists as part of an action figure toy line to enhance kids playtime scenarios (or adult collector’s dioramas).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>That’s pretty much the worst sentence I ever wrote, and I think that I might as well castrate myself now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Let's just say it's like a doll house for young men. So now I’m going to recount my top five playsets of all time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Before you go complaining that the massive-as-fuck GI Joe U.S.S. Flagg is not on the list (and believe me I toss and turn at night and have nightmares about passing on the thing at a comic shop that went out of business), every playset that makes this list has to be one that I had or still have at some point in my life or played with at a friend's house counting down to number one…THE MOST ENJOYABLE ACTION FIGURE ENVIRONMENT OF ALL TIME!!! <p class="MsoNormal"> </p><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:Cambria;" ><span style="mso-list:Ignore">5.<span style="font:7.0pt "Times New Roman""> </span></span></span><span style="font-weight: bold;">Star Wars Droid Factory –Kenner-1980 </span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtbISKIEq44Ku_4xuH_ATvN_wga-MKhcXi6GT1zJNozMWY0Ui68dbpixsdMPsBgAZ0Lo832WPQKi3uWTF8QWPIspN71U5I70PrRzkR88jQrDuW3e31NkKToshs8RUBpQtmVV5-7_PrqzVY/s1600/droidfactory-front.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 268px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtbISKIEq44Ku_4xuH_ATvN_wga-MKhcXi6GT1zJNozMWY0Ui68dbpixsdMPsBgAZ0Lo832WPQKi3uWTF8QWPIspN71U5I70PrRzkR88jQrDuW3e31NkKToshs8RUBpQtmVV5-7_PrqzVY/s320/droidfactory-front.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5616290052461804402" border="0" /></a><p class="MsoListParagraph" style="text-indent:-.25in;mso-list:l1 level1 lfo1"><span style="font-style: italic;">and on the third day the Jawas made the three legged R2 and it was go</span><span style="font-style: italic;">od. </span><br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Boy did I play with this one a lot, even though there isn’t a WHOLE lot to it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Basically you start with a blank slate, a fresh creativity pallet: a motif of robots and sci fi and working interlocking parts stands before you cast in bright orange plastic (though mine was a bit more dull than kids who got it a decade before I did) just waiting for you to go to work on it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>There’s these molded grooves in the shape of droid parts, and various parts are included with the set including tiny connectors, arms, antennae, legs, bodies, and even a chrome R2 D2 top.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>The idea is you have the parts here; if you have the stamina and moxy to connect 5 interlocking pieces to form R2-D2. Interestingly enough, this was the only R2 with a middle/third leg in the basic kenner line.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I find it odd that in later versions of R2 they could figure out how to tool him with a sensorscope that comes up or a pop out lightsaber, but not a third leg which he has in just about every shot of the film.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Also included in the Droid Factory set is a large brownish/reddish crane piece with a sliding adjustable hook to spin droids around on. Fun shit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Because kenner loved to repaint and reuse vehicles and larger sets thinking kids wouldn’t notice (and in later lines than Star Wars, figures too), the Droid Factory was repainted and rereleased sans the droid parts as Jabba’s Dungeon in 1984 or 1985 exclusive to Sears.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>You’d think that if they took out the droid parts that would kind of defeat the purpose but no…one of these two sets was ten times better than the Droid Factory.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>One of them just came with three common action figures…but the OTHER included three rare figures from the final vintage line of star wars characters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Growing up, the acquisition of some of these “final 17” was impossible for me and in my head, they have an almost mythical status.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>For these reasons I think my childhood self would have traded a kidney to have owned Jabba’s Dungeon with BARADA, EV9D9 and AMANAMAN from 1985.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-weight: bold;">4. The GhostBuster’s Fire House Headquarters-Kenner-1984 </span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkACQ2H4RGx8vNMfNULKj3iQN0zePSHQt3q4wgwDwFWY44_oGqp59RwsNtaH3Wp5v68i1W_u7lKDokH94Tp2n-BF7OdNKeTm1IXW9F7v9FBh8BxZ-0S45SegQJ5Vlh7Lq0Z6zZM6hNMkyP/s1600/ghostbustersfirehouse.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 186px; height: 284px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkACQ2H4RGx8vNMfNULKj3iQN0zePSHQt3q4wgwDwFWY44_oGqp59RwsNtaH3Wp5v68i1W_u7lKDokH94Tp2n-BF7OdNKeTm1IXW9F7v9FBh8BxZ-0S45SegQJ5Vlh7Lq0Z6zZM6hNMkyP/s320/ghostbustersfirehouse.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5616290031402684722" border="0" /></a></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-style: italic;">BRIGHT COLORS FUCK YEEAAAHHH!!!</span><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">Boy kenner was full of good ideas in the 80’s weren’t they?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>They pretty much created the existence of every action figure collector on the planet with the Star Wars line, so we owe a lot to them today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I’m sure that if time machines are invented eventually, and given the rising cost of action figures, some proactive parents are going to go back in time ala the T-800 and kill off the kenner toy people to safe them money in the future.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>That took a dark turn. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">At any rate, kids always have use for a big old apartment building headquarters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Sure it was Ghostbusters and it had the classic logo, but any creative kid could conveniently ignore that and it could become an evil headquarters or a battle ground.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>You could spin the busters down the fire poll like the village people if you were so inclined, or you could trap a tiny orange ghost using the trap.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I have fond memories using this playset with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles figures, before I discovered that there was just something fundamentally wrong with pizza-eating turtles that lived in a sewer and battled evil ninjas.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Tell me if that ain’t the trippiest thing you ever heard?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Also, this great playset had double doors for vehicles to park in. You couldn’t exactly fit the Millennium Falcon, but it was a good place to park a Batmobile.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>In regards to playsets, size DID matter, and the fact that this thing was a couple feet tall really helped its case.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-weight: bold;">3. Jurassic Park Command Compound-Kenner-1993 </span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtg4D46LXHHKoVaHcckRbSPKSPDGLs9wi8VKZQPNB7FOMg2UwQAeKKrWL0WEDorob0aPQUx9lYtH3Fn3VlOpw2ZOA4-NsaeT8roEAk47KM3hkSeU7nce5SyXGqqlakR3MeUTphXytg3N-4/s1600/compound.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtg4D46LXHHKoVaHcckRbSPKSPDGLs9wi8VKZQPNB7FOMg2UwQAeKKrWL0WEDorob0aPQUx9lYtH3Fn3VlOpw2ZOA4-NsaeT8roEAk47KM3hkSeU7nce5SyXGqqlakR3MeUTphXytg3N-4/s320/compound.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5616290044979656338" border="0" /></a></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-style: italic;">Watch out Jeff Goldblum, there's a gigantic terrifying child on the other side of the fence...don't let it in! </span><br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal">I’m now realizing that this list is made up of my five favorite kenner brand playsets.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>It wasn’t clear to me at first (as the choices came to me while writing except the top two) but now I’m seeing that one great company gave me so much fun over the years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">So the best dinosaur movie ever (Sorry Tree of Life) Jurassic Park had a pretty legendary toy line in its day as well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Not only were there big rubbery dinos with JP stamped on their asses and removable hunks of meat that you could pull out of their sides, but there were vehicles and human characters to beleaguer them with as well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>At the center of it all was the (((ELECTRONIC))) Command Compound.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>So you had the iconic gate which connected to fences which surrounded the thing like a fort or some kind of battle arena and you also had TURRETS to watch over the place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>It even threw down a net, if you were so inclined to catch tiny dinos or need an instant picnic set up for your Jeff Goldblum figures.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>You know what else I liked about this establishment?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>It was always open. The torches were always lit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Come right in…unless you were a big ass T Rex. Or Newman.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">At the center of it was this awesome like gazebo type structure which was actually pretty good sized where your action figures could hide out, conduct their evil plans, take hostages, etc.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>If I recall correctly the only action figures worthy of having hideouts when I was a kid were the villains.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>But a good exception to the rule might be …</p> <p style="font-weight: bold;" class="MsoNormal">2. The Batcave Command Center-1992-Kenner </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEic7ru7p-ASHjVWZ5KGzU7bsedRApL7ujqETWKtuDQPS6SBiBf-_glSitq13bvRvvLXOFiUfSW6D18IAvSsQCrQWG4NJj_bGivnxsuRJXMybc8WIYHKAKJZ2d519YgXeDWqmKVV9Xo056PC/s1600/batman-returns-wayne-manor-batcave-playset_300498489505.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEic7ru7p-ASHjVWZ5KGzU7bsedRApL7ujqETWKtuDQPS6SBiBf-_glSitq13bvRvvLXOFiUfSW6D18IAvSsQCrQWG4NJj_bGivnxsuRJXMybc8WIYHKAKJZ2d519YgXeDWqmKVV9Xo056PC/s320/batman-returns-wayne-manor-batcave-playset_300498489505.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5616290031848562114" border="0" /></a></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-style: italic;">yet another ugly child intruding on this somber vision of Batman. </span><br /></p><p style="text-align: left;" class="MsoNormal">NEW YORKS HOTTEST PLAYSET IS THE BATCAVE/WAYNE MANOR…and THIS ONE HAS EVERYTHING.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Garage Doors. MIDGETS. Spinning chairs. COMPUTER SCREENS. RAILINGS.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>But perhaps I shouldn’t imitate Stefon of SNL and denegrate this manliest of caves any further.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p><div> </div><p style="text-align: left;" class="MsoNormal">Planned out as part of the Kenner Dark Knight Collection in 1990 or 1991, this playset featured the stately front of the Wayne house as based on it’s appearance in Batman 89’ which folded open to reveal…THE BATCAVE on one side, and on another side a garage door interior.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>The best part to me was the chemical factory which also meant it could be a villain playset.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>It was sculpted to be Axis Chemicals from 89’ but since this toy never panned out in that film, it became Arctic World/The Penguin’s Sewer from Batman Returns.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Pretty cool.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>It had a lot of features.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Let me describe them in great detail as you read on bored or skip ahead.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p><div style="text-align: left;"> </div><p style="text-align: left;" class="MsoNormal">So you unlocked the beast and then you could let figures fall clumsily through the sklights, swing batman on a string across the place, or even make Bruce become Batman or vice versa but spinning him around in this magic “Vault” chamber where you’d strap him in and he’d change into the Batsuit. Pretty cool.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>It had a good parking garage for Batmobiles, but when<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>you had the whole ensemble closed up, this was pretty pointless.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>On the arctic world side, there was a falling trap door, and a vat which you could detach which was intended to be the spot where the Joker was created in 89.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Now it might just be a very modern, minimalist cereal bowl.<br />The Batcave Command center made up for missing its release for 89 by being the most rereleased playset of all time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>It was repainted with purple stripes for Batman The Animated Series, garish green for Batman Forever, Hideous blue for Batman and Robin and twice more for The New Batman Adventures in pretty normal colorings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>By far the best bat cave toy…better than the toybiz one that DID come out for 89 and the other kenner one which took up half of a room for Batman Forever.<span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:Cambria;" ><span style=""><br /></span></span></p><div style="text-align: left;"> </div><p class="MsoListParagraph" style="text-indent: -0.25in; text-align: left;"><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:Cambria;" ><span style="mso-list:Ignore">1.<span style="font:7.0pt "Times New Roman""> </span></span></span><span style="font-weight: bold;">Ewok Village-Kenner-1983</span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRAJnKieoayg5CtjSX-f2CfwB90hqrSJcau-p0ZrJeQCuauA5pvzwTgPWIbyD_oFeYoIOporBhDD6hlXBmD0M4mRtZds1xL1jyIauMklED8u_VWKTxdx_eeWYm6atxdOlFt6HkySHKKiIm/s1600/ewokvillage-front.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 232px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRAJnKieoayg5CtjSX-f2CfwB90hqrSJcau-p0ZrJeQCuauA5pvzwTgPWIbyD_oFeYoIOporBhDD6hlXBmD0M4mRtZds1xL1jyIauMklED8u_VWKTxdx_eeWYm6atxdOlFt6HkySHKKiIm/s320/ewokvillage-front.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5616290032504254178" border="0" /></a></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.25in; text-align: left;"><span style="font-style: italic;">Five identical Chief Chirpa figures on this box means that's how many I want. </span></p>Here it is, my favorite playset of all time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>And I still have this one too, which is something I can only say for 3/5<sup>th</sup>s of this list.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>So it’s big. Check. It’s geared towards star wars. Check. It’s nature-y. Check. It’s Return of the Jedi themed. Double Check. It’s intended for use with ewoks. I’m pretty sure the Kenner gods made this specifically for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>And just about every other fanboy who was ewok crazy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>We’re talking hours of enjoyment on this thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Why climb a try and risk breaking an arm when you can send your ewoks up into their lavish tree fort via an elevator pully system?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Don’t like that stupid fuckin tauntaun? Throw a net over it’s head, raise it up and then roast it on a spit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>(Yeah seriously you can roast shit on spits in this).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>This played into kids more animalistic sides of their imagination.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>There was a chute where you could dispose of naysayers of the religion of C3PO, and even a chair for them to hoist threepio up and hail him as a god.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I particularly liked the look out towers on top of the giant trees where you could perch ewoks and have them taunt stormtroopers like the Frenchmen in Monty Python.<br /><br />Kenner repainted this playset as Sherwood Forest for their Robin Hood Prince of Thieves line with big ugly bursts of green flame which I assume were intended as the tops of broccoli stalks on top.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Combine this with the refurbished Ewok Battle Wagon from the Power of the Force Line and the Gamorrean Guard lending his fat assed body to the friar tuck figure, and the Robin Hood line really looks like some half assed shit.<p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal">Well there ya have it. Shame I never had the USS Flagg or that awesome Well of Souls playset from the kenner indy line.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Maybe someday when I’ve unlocked the infinite money cheat and I don’t have to be embarrassed screaming commands at ewoks while sitting Indian style in my backyard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p>Matthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07569099531705786742noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8071230011858741348.post-7480477475373685502011-06-09T00:19:00.000-07:002011-06-09T00:34:54.088-07:00Ten badass women of cinema from 2010You’d think by now I’d have stopped harping on the 2010 and I’d be preparing myself for 2012 by building a bomb shelter that can withstand the wrath of angry birds. But if MTV is allowed to ham up twitter for a night giving twilight more awards than Meryl Strepe’s earned in her career, I think I can be allowed to backtrack.<br /> I noticed that year after year even though the academy doles out best actress awards for inspiring feminine roles defying societal gender constraints and rising to positions of prestige; little recognition goes toward the BADASS women of cinema. In 2010 in particular I noticed no less than TEN “tough broads” on the screen. For the most part, the characters on this list made their respective movies enjoyable for me and were by all accounts the “saving grace” often lacking the graceful aspect.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgh10_OMC70axw33yipSrTkYO4NFUTHztZAvRIo2KUyagggy1WRCaPPtGJJWyGyoYzMcJpGGXAzufD0x5wjnI-Zuo_CWfJjZuQs3BN3f0IX-nOFu1ncj-LaPe52JlPHH4mNg_1TNxBG3dO4/s1600/bigs.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 184px; height: 245px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgh10_OMC70axw33yipSrTkYO4NFUTHztZAvRIo2KUyagggy1WRCaPPtGJJWyGyoYzMcJpGGXAzufD0x5wjnI-Zuo_CWfJjZuQs3BN3f0IX-nOFu1ncj-LaPe52JlPHH4mNg_1TNxBG3dO4/s320/bigs.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5616117215400521954" border="0" /></a><span style="font-style: italic;">More attractive than Tim Burton!</span><br />10. Kathryn Bigelow –Director of The Hurt Locker<br />Ok so technically this is cheating, but sue me this is my blog. It’d be like trying to sue Willy Wonka for murdering the fat kid. You think anyone would believe you that he cast him into a river of chocolate and fed him to orange midgets? THIS IS MY MECCA! But seriously it is pretty cool that she beat her ex, Jim Cameron at his own game. Hopefully this encourages him to take revenge by making Avatar 2 NOT CRAP.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9_U1N7Y9Xnp7g5s5xsXuSuO72Ga4omAhIDedI_xfGw2BlXHOmxLB_k1CBYuAQKwPPvbyholL3a4yzWyfLQgPD9ubGb0Tl1Z_6xb8940A4cWS1OvubpT-eyPT5LKQDvqCWwAdK5kz9760m/s1600/mila.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 199px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9_U1N7Y9Xnp7g5s5xsXuSuO72Ga4omAhIDedI_xfGw2BlXHOmxLB_k1CBYuAQKwPPvbyholL3a4yzWyfLQgPD9ubGb0Tl1Z_6xb8940A4cWS1OvubpT-eyPT5LKQDvqCWwAdK5kz9760m/s320/mila.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5616117224448491682" border="0" /></a><span style="font-style: italic;">The fact that she wasn't a Padme decoy in the prequels was a missed opportunity</span><br />9. Mila Kunis as Lily-Black Swan<br />While all the attention of this overhyped movie (yes I’ll admit I played into it) was on doe-eyed Natalie, the seductive and dark side of Meg Griffin was the real prize. You never knew throughout if she was just a friendly person or if she was and evil ballet dancer.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwZdzaPS0m7qJo8FI7N4WRwldfB5nlqpFQh9bTEjjnVz7zFZ9-M8miI5auxKNskDQ3NapzM9m8QafFvLCyD1h4KuwktmDcElWUm527JnoMUvXHKEtw7SWO8AtedRaybOcWAe93NfbuXSoB/s1600/olvia.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 210px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwZdzaPS0m7qJo8FI7N4WRwldfB5nlqpFQh9bTEjjnVz7zFZ9-M8miI5auxKNskDQ3NapzM9m8QafFvLCyD1h4KuwktmDcElWUm527JnoMUvXHKEtw7SWO8AtedRaybOcWAe93NfbuXSoB/s320/olvia.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5616117239174299394" border="0" /></a><span style="font-style: italic;">Light up T shirts were cool in the 90s...does this make her a hipster?</span><br />8. Olivia Wilde as Quorra-Tron Legacy<br />If someone told me that Olivia Wilde played a computer capable of learning that was eager to learn about the ways of the world in a film I’d say it sounded like the worst thing ever…and yet her performance makes perfect sense given that description. Quirky, open-minded and calculating and able to ride a fucking lightcycle.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFKLL7taGtSQHiqAUPGtNz14OoAzAj3CKu3v-P7SvCzcXdVft38virbX6PUvNnWTHvi6jLC628_1-EzSXIvuGfKRNDzr-ONKDFm0h6_XPPH_BIuehYY_Oz8h_K6RWg7izqJrkbR2MdA5Kv/s1600/armad.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 296px; height: 229px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFKLL7taGtSQHiqAUPGtNz14OoAzAj3CKu3v-P7SvCzcXdVft38virbX6PUvNnWTHvi6jLC628_1-EzSXIvuGfKRNDzr-ONKDFm0h6_XPPH_BIuehYY_Oz8h_K6RWg7izqJrkbR2MdA5Kv/s320/armad.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5616117228858614594" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Homely as a white Aunt Jemima</span><br />7. Amy Adams as Charlene –The Fighter<br />Another movie that the American public ruined for me before I even saw it, while Amy Adams isn’t the best part of the movie (that seat is reserved for Christian Bale, though he’d probably take it by force even if it wasn’t), we sure did see a LOT of her…And the best part? She slaps down chain-smoking red neck crones on the front porch. Go massholes!<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghcgKip4P0zuaVUOFhQNxXuaD9jj4m6CEUpPMxdsFhUQVtkQj3cdNGL54mUWDtFXutV_NovV2J0U8ECou9V1URUFs8pv68-tHwfE2NjCWGKTyFwaHnnX3es3YOYqSnE-cTvEvXfkr4xOBw/s1600/lamber.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 193px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghcgKip4P0zuaVUOFhQNxXuaD9jj4m6CEUpPMxdsFhUQVtkQj3cdNGL54mUWDtFXutV_NovV2J0U8ECou9V1URUFs8pv68-tHwfE2NjCWGKTyFwaHnnX3es3YOYqSnE-cTvEvXfkr4xOBw/s320/lamber.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5616117244406533074" border="0" /></a><span style="font-style: italic;">no that's not Adam Lambert</span><br />6. Noomi Rapace as Lisbeth Sander-The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo series<br />When America found out Russia was planning to send humans into space we had to beat them to it. Sweden may have gotten the jump on us with this franchise, but we’re already flaunting the new version and in a week Rooney Mara’s nipples are some of the most famous in the world. Even so…it might be worth watching the OLD version.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdKvsgp6cZDJibcAeWEAl7HhZppVWXjgpTcKZVIV9ZF05GwNwTU24Qh036p1MyA1VUii8nkmEYUfGizv0wbxCllbilmAi1XGs-byJpQrsDE5kVR-TpqBfClzdY6dFOMBsAsPJoOAUQpwaT/s1600/Uvbfntitled.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdKvsgp6cZDJibcAeWEAl7HhZppVWXjgpTcKZVIV9ZF05GwNwTU24Qh036p1MyA1VUii8nkmEYUfGizv0wbxCllbilmAi1XGs-byJpQrsDE5kVR-TpqBfClzdY6dFOMBsAsPJoOAUQpwaT/s320/Uvbfntitled.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5616117419571569522" border="0" /></a><span style="font-style: italic;">Would you still like this as much if it turned out she was actually a midget? </span><br />5. Chloe Moretz as Hit Girl-Kick Ass<br />I didn’t like this character nearly as much as everyone else did. Not because her use of the C word offended me…nor did her butchery of everyone who opposed her. I just thought it was an over played character that felt out of her element in the movie. Even so…deserves a spot on the list right?<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgex14ADGD3utCqL750VAhXUY5tz52JvLn4sSuVJ6JQh4nnJ5JNEeXpPX2PnQ4WpAgd-D98e2MvJlXuL5D2Q1BR9r4gCM2ZuyB5qVUzX3q36WwpoGmkBe28YmGQTT_RENfvIi0rlORTWI4X/s1600/Ueentitled.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 186px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgex14ADGD3utCqL750VAhXUY5tz52JvLn4sSuVJ6JQh4nnJ5JNEeXpPX2PnQ4WpAgd-D98e2MvJlXuL5D2Q1BR9r4gCM2ZuyB5qVUzX3q36WwpoGmkBe28YmGQTT_RENfvIi0rlORTWI4X/s320/Ueentitled.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5616117422769308738" border="0" /></a><span style="font-style: italic;">Cockblocked by the aspect ratio. </span><br />4. Emma Stone as Olive-Easy A<br />Never have I seen such charming female manipulation and deceit since Mean Girls until Easy A. What a refreshing little slice of charm…and Emma Stone whores it up in the best way possible. She doesn’t seem to have that transparent hotness that other girls of her looks have. She’s cool. I feel like she’d put someone in her place if they were pouty enough.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlxLrtOpftRketZAp52c5TD0OHmBhZ778YnjfgnVeSKQTBHCU_FG2oCJbBET_Jn3unw5LMNL_CPdtsrxmbDD7iqlxMDBPqYNylZ4M77EnLQKetMYCMpGigSpm6run_d6YGj2OF0Av4n5u8/s1600/Untit2led.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 185px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlxLrtOpftRketZAp52c5TD0OHmBhZ778YnjfgnVeSKQTBHCU_FG2oCJbBET_Jn3unw5LMNL_CPdtsrxmbDD7iqlxMDBPqYNylZ4M77EnLQKetMYCMpGigSpm6run_d6YGj2OF0Av4n5u8/s320/Untit2led.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5616117426569019538" border="0" /></a><span style="font-style: italic;">She's hunting down Rob Marshall for Nine. </span><br />3. Marion Cotillard as Mal-Inception<br />I’m not a fan of Inception. In fact it shook my entire faith in Nolan as a director. But in a sea of wooden performances and floating people in tight-fitting vests, one character in the film really stood out. Mal is as close as the movie comes to a true antagonist and she’s absolutely chilling. Unforgiving and totally insane, Marion Cotillard proves as this suicidal dreamer that she is one of the most versatile actresses yet again.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiB8CNsxQiBPe7rCEWX9N5OS5_uBelB6WZEnwn4VXTAFFeEzU60Kx0bBXH-SaNZMy1U1c025K5Ts1KpfDRF6wKvB1u8QbozCpzBJ8l0_QNyEfc8bKHCX3wLtJtnpxmcRni8JVMJkoUJhELg/s1600/Untitled2.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 172px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiB8CNsxQiBPe7rCEWX9N5OS5_uBelB6WZEnwn4VXTAFFeEzU60Kx0bBXH-SaNZMy1U1c025K5Ts1KpfDRF6wKvB1u8QbozCpzBJ8l0_QNyEfc8bKHCX3wLtJtnpxmcRni8JVMJkoUJhELg/s320/Untitled2.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5616117448392809490" border="0" /></a><span style="font-style: italic;">Incoming File Transmission from Heaven</span><br />2. Michelle Rodriguez as Luz-Machete<br />I love it when Michelle Rodriguez plays butch, ass kicking roles. I don’t think we’ll ever top seeing her with a shot out eyeball as a resilient taco-selling revolutionary shooting double barreled shotguns from the hip. She’s become a parody of herself, but often times that’s when actors really find their niche.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBlZ4rn1ko13KiJWQ3PwQRvgpcTHiYpZYCHOAydCU6HI34tdRA7VD2Sl24xUuP2mzD6nCqUvz1J8o5m566IJqNLIpo63s7_s3ekXXyxWQgdqlwDFSqSkjKAtXyLiGPDHzzd0s5Dl1cvJyB/s1600/Untitled.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 252px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBlZ4rn1ko13KiJWQ3PwQRvgpcTHiYpZYCHOAydCU6HI34tdRA7VD2Sl24xUuP2mzD6nCqUvz1J8o5m566IJqNLIpo63s7_s3ekXXyxWQgdqlwDFSqSkjKAtXyLiGPDHzzd0s5Dl1cvJyB/s320/Untitled.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5616117438454093202" border="0" /></a><span style="font-style: italic;">Matt Damon's waiting it out. </span><br />1. Hallie Steinfeld as Mattie Ross-True Grit<br />This performance blew me away. I think it blew away everyone who saw the film actually. It’s a true shame that they discriminate based on age at the Oscars (believe me they do) with the assumption that the actor or actress will win when they get a little older. Confident, badass, and able to wear the shit out of a hat too big for her, Mattie was not just the best female character of the year, but maybe the best character of the year in general…and generally children ruin movies. Take that Anakin.<br /><br />Well that wraps up the list. Hopefully I’ll be able to gush about how badass it is when Ron’s mom finally gets Helena Bonham Carter to shut the fuck up and cease her Wicked Witch of the West impression in the Harry Potter series.Matthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07569099531705786742noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8071230011858741348.post-22666871768095631322011-06-02T20:50:00.001-07:002011-08-29T01:59:14.482-07:00It's human nature to fear the unusual: A critical look at Batman ReturnsThe inspiration to write a post struck me late at night, and here I sit in the dark attempting to set a record straight and right injustices against a family name, much like Oswald Cobblepot aka The Penguin pouring over birth certificates in the hall of records about a third of the way through <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">Batman Returns.</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>The family name I’m out to defend is that of the Burton Batman films, and this one in particular which as Christopher Walken elegantly puts it “frankly has a bum rep.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Perhaps the conclusions you can draw from the film’s plot itself and the reputation it has are eerily similar.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Abandoned at it’s conception by critics and “comic fans” alike, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">Returns </i>perhaps isn’t nearly as bad as some make it out to be, only misunderstood by those who can’t see past the grotesque exterior.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Much like Batman himself, I feel the need to defend something which cannot save itself, and much like Catwoman; the subject matter at hand is too sexy and insane to be revered in the eyes of the public.
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<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzgmuCqDRBou2gnAhjdG5b9aZorXoNg_2tu23bzFSquHAuikE05ap_njCBPbPP-pmz1yR-n8_6XixSSd988BIhJibLBgMAyPAKi4YTFR3nx2TfyXdX36OeZz9WBqSMEqlUOvnVwWMUYjrz/s1600/xmas_batman_returns_ver4.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 215px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzgmuCqDRBou2gnAhjdG5b9aZorXoNg_2tu23bzFSquHAuikE05ap_njCBPbPP-pmz1yR-n8_6XixSSd988BIhJibLBgMAyPAKi4YTFR3nx2TfyXdX36OeZz9WBqSMEqlUOvnVwWMUYjrz/s320/xmas_batman_returns_ver4.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5613854233149406834" border="0" /></a><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span><span style="font-style: italic;">Batman</span> 89’, which I might have been too harsh analyzing is still universally respected by critics and comic fans, many of whom are too bitter and jaded to admit that it may very well be a more true-to-form Batman and Joker story than <span style="font-style: italic;">The Dark Knight</span>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Its sequel <span style="font-style: italic;">Returns</span> however, falls prey to several complaints that are almost always the same by anyone criticizing it; which I’ve heard so many times that I’d venture to call them stereotypical critiques.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>While <span style="font-style: italic;">Batman</span> 89 is decidedly dated at times and often very aged and misguided feeling in parts, I feel like <span style="font-style: italic;">Batman Return</span><span style="font-style: italic;">s</span> builds and expands on the themes while incasing the story within the austere whimsical world of Tim Burton.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I’d go so far as to say that <span style="font-style: italic;">Batman Returns</span> is the most stylistically affected, though not afflicted, film Burton has ever done.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>This was a director at his peak; and it’s a shame to see how studios lost faith in these macabre visions for a while after this film’s release.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Perhaps one of the biggest faults <span style="font-style: italic;">Returns</span> has, isn’t even to blame on the film itself so much as the untimely and nonsensical summer release.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>This is a Christmas film through and through, though it explores the darker and less jolly aspects of the holiday.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Prevalent arctic themes, tree lightings and even a bittersweet wishing of Merry Christmas on the last line of the film add to the perversion of the holiday across a comic book landscape.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJeBULakkT0anQpv2Xsr2VjpZHyKuQbDzd9NZ_npTfk76p4-laEBFpkMdi2XZ_pjtT2EVDBHjU_zHlr2v5GwiSGW3yk2jFM9Iagdxkwk9EF6yaSB6-gJbjV81Qus3K3LU3EUqKguyKpBRn/s1600/batman-returns_burton.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 222px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJeBULakkT0anQpv2Xsr2VjpZHyKuQbDzd9NZ_npTfk76p4-laEBFpkMdi2XZ_pjtT2EVDBHjU_zHlr2v5GwiSGW3yk2jFM9Iagdxkwk9EF6yaSB6-gJbjV81Qus3K3LU3EUqKguyKpBRn/s320/batman-returns_burton.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5613838677640436690" border="0" /></a><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">But wait…one of the main complaints about the movie is that it’s not a very good comic book film and it’s bogged down by being too unrealistic. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Ask yourself for a moment if ANY film with a man dressing up like a bat, a woman dressing up like a cat and a man called “the penguin” can ever be interpreted as true-to-life and that argument goes out the window.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Perhaps you’re looking for the hyper realism served up in <span style="font-style: italic;">The Dark Knight</span>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>You might notice that every moment the most whimsical and unrealistic character, The Joker, who seems to bend the laws of space and time with his all-too-convenient plans is not on screen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Compare that to the romantic arc in <span style="font-style: italic;">Batman Returns</span>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Batman and Catwoman are enemies but Selina Kyle and Bruce Wayne are potentially lovers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Upon realizing each other’s identity for the first time, the immediate question posed is “do we start fighting?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>This is a great way to delve into the psychological aspect of Batman.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>He’s often conflicted in his best moments by circumstances that make him want to give up his crusade; times when he’ll rise to the occasion and prove himself to be the true hero that he is.<span style=""> If you're questioning the scene where he kills a thug with dynamite you might as well question the scene where he levels Axis chemicals with explosives in 89', and also take into account that Bob Kane's Batman smoked a pipe </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes">and carried a gun. </span>You have to wonder if Bruce meant what he said when he took off his cowl at the end of <span style="font-style: italic;">Returns</span> and asked Selina to come away with him, or if he already knew she would never attempt to lead a “normal” life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Compare this to when Bruce wants to give up being Batman as a result of Rachel being DEAD in <span style="font-style: italic;">The Dark Knight</span>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>It makes for an excellent Batman arc…which contradicts how a lot of people say this isn’t a “Batman film.”</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhI25UdLnbJtNeUnj0MUOO_qNnV0FoVk2LjtUw3I-S1eQ_R0tnCRtM-_bzpQmD-fbTftD6PTVssTtrsXiIdVEykK7bm8AFnflkE9wlT2A36XJPnEulHORfhLusHYg17t30cHFavlxobhkr8/s1600/batmanreturns.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 206px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhI25UdLnbJtNeUnj0MUOO_qNnV0FoVk2LjtUw3I-S1eQ_R0tnCRtM-_bzpQmD-fbTftD6PTVssTtrsXiIdVEykK7bm8AFnflkE9wlT2A36XJPnEulHORfhLusHYg17t30cHFavlxobhkr8/s320/batmanreturns.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5613838681650529746" border="0" /></a><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in">Isn’t the whole point of Batman the idea that he’s like an urban legend that strikes fear into the heart of his enemies?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Batman isn’t going to flaunt around in every scene.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>That takes away a crucial element of mystery.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Besides, he had his origin story in <span style="font-style: italic;">Batman</span> 89.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>While the films don’t blend seamlessly given the shrunken scope of Gotham in <span style="font-style: italic;">Returns,</span> you already know this Batman and what he’s capable of.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Keaton delivers the same anger-fueled insanity in the role as he does in 89.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>If you don’t think there’s enough Batman in <span style="font-style: italic;">Returns,</span> ask yourself what more was needed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>As opposed to one villain in the first film, now there’s two that are extremely well developed, more so than any others in superhero films with multiple antagonists and there’s more action in this film than just about any of the other Batman films save for 89; all thanks to Batman and his comic book inspired arsenal of gadgets.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">People have said that <span style="font-style: italic;">Returns</span> is too dark for a comic book movie, but look at Watchmen on the other end of the spectrum…since when did comic books need to be lighter fare for kids?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>In addition to bringing comic book movies into the spotlight, 89 also legitimatized them as films for adults and kids alike.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span><span style="font-style: italic;">Returns </span>knows exactly what it wants to be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>It’s not totally stuck in fantasy, but it’s not grounded in realism either.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>It’s carved out a nice niche for itself in between the campiness of the silver age Batman comics and their outrageous plots and the darkness of its predecessor of a film.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Part of the appeal of comic books at the time of their introduction as a graphic medium was the ability to convey the impossible without limitations opening up new kinds of storytelling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Now this is becoming more and more possible thanks to CGI, but it’s great to see a film that was able to set its own standards and create a unique world in the span of roughly 2 hours. It’s just the right blend of black comedy and horror tragedy while still safely under the mantle of Batman.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKj3RLqyFWYpC4uf-COX5xozMd2p6bt3dhGTiDutP8l58QxOh4A9j8T5wU7waDYCeF28Z09yuSaAmUhx7qrEa-6ZyWn3mlaAusBSe31y0M2E4EOz-EELJQozab7U_fR4Fap6D-FOAN_IXX/s1600/batman_returns_profilelarge.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 180px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKj3RLqyFWYpC4uf-COX5xozMd2p6bt3dhGTiDutP8l58QxOh4A9j8T5wU7waDYCeF28Z09yuSaAmUhx7qrEa-6ZyWn3mlaAusBSe31y0M2E4EOz-EELJQozab7U_fR4Fap6D-FOAN_IXX/s320/batman_returns_profilelarge.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5613838682359402642" border="0" /></a><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">The iconography of a Batman film is present throughout <span style="font-style: italic;">Returns</span>, often times less in-your-face than it is in the newer films or in 89’.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>For example: pimping the bat logo.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>There’s an unforgettably moronic shot in <span style="font-style: italic;">Batman</span> 89 where the Batwing flies past the moon and creates the bat logo. Not only does this defy physics, but it’s superfluous.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Even less realistically, the <span style="font-style: italic;">Begins</span> Bat signal is comprised of a prisoner wearing cut rags tied to a searchlight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>How about a nice way to tie in the iconic logo and the bat signal without shoving it down our throat like the simple shot of Wayne reading in <span style="font-style: italic;">Returns</span> when the logo shines through the window and he stands up and looks at it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>It’s simple.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>It’s effective. It’s purely badass.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Some would say that the shape of the bat signal is too precise…I have to argue, does that matter AT ALL?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Like I mentioned before, realism flies out the window period in comic book films, so the logistics of the shape of bat signal are much less relevant than the source of the logo being from a tormented Arkham escapee or an idiotic shot of the batwing blocking the moon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Also part of the Batman iconography in addition to the obvious batsuit, is the Batmobile.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>While the design of the Batmobile is introduced in 89, the scenes with it are a bit unceremonious and don’t really show off the sleek awesomeness of the vehicle to its full potential.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>There’s something very “constructed” and fake about it as it cruises through the streets tipping fruit stands.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>In<span style="font-style: italic;"> Returns</span>, it’s a viable threat when it’s under the penguins control, driving recklessly through streets and smashing cars at top speed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Then in one of the single greatest and most innovative comic book movie moments I can think of, the Batmobile splits off the sides into the “Batmissile” to squeeze through a narrow gap between two buildings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>It’s this same kind of enthusiasm you see in the “Batpod” scene of <span style="font-style: italic;">The Dark Knight</span> that really makes the truck chase scene stand out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>It’s Batman being one step ahead, and ready for anything.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUrzRmiPTq-T_ggqInasydDfIv3iR0h98EY4CKB9SOAVoQVar2i_5AjIrij0CHtexi1ZWJIwwElF4ssB_ZuSBG4YrtZahUTgSEKlWeb77pqBCCpizstY_h7HK8qo5dawChtjw1aDvhPpfd/s1600/Batmissile.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 196px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUrzRmiPTq-T_ggqInasydDfIv3iR0h98EY4CKB9SOAVoQVar2i_5AjIrij0CHtexi1ZWJIwwElF4ssB_ZuSBG4YrtZahUTgSEKlWeb77pqBCCpizstY_h7HK8qo5dawChtjw1aDvhPpfd/s320/Batmissile.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5613838686830362946" border="0" /></a><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in">Which brings me to refute another fault of the film, is that The Penguin isn’t a credible threat to Batman.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Physically, he never was, and never should be, even in comics.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>The appearance of the character, deformed physically and mentally in Burton’s vision immediately creates a more formidable presence than anything prior in the comics or other adaptations.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>The audience fears the Penguin.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>He admonishes the viewer for treating him differently.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>First invoking feelings of fear, then pity, and then feelings of hate, the same cycle of emotions that Shreck and the other denizens of Gotham feel towards Penguin in the film.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Batman, ever-vigilant is never scared of The Penguin because he knows what he has to do to stop him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Despite his confidence, The Penguin still manages to nearly kill Batman several times in the film, including the Batmobile bomb, an umbrella gun at the end and with the penguin commandos.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in">One of my friends in particular, a fellow Batman enthusiast faults the film the most for the inclusion of the “penguin commandos” aka live penguin army that lives in the sewer and eventually waddles into the streets of gotham with rocket launchers strapped to their backs while responding to a frequency signal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I think given the absurd nature of the rest of the film, this fits in pretty well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>With every failed attempt, the Penguin continues to get angrier and angrier at Batman until he goes to an extreme which he’s clearly had in reserve for a long time coming.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>This is every bit as dangerous, if not more so than the Joker spraying the city with laughing gas from parade balloons or say…fear toxin in the water supply.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>If anything I would say that this is slightly more believable than those.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>If you’re asking how penguin could have possibly acquired the resources, then you also have to ask yourself how The Joker is able to employ Police Officers in <span style="font-style: italic;">The Dark Knight</span> and plant a bomb inside of an inmate while unarmed inside of a holding cell. There’s certain things you just have to accept because like it or not…Batman is still based on a comic book, and like I said earlier, comic books serve to tell stories in a visually appealing way which you couldn’t find elsewhere.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>As <span style="font-style: italic;">Returns</span> plays out like a big screen comic complete with it’s own artistic style, taking the penguin commando army in stride should be easy to get past after the first five minutes of seeing a baby eat a cat and get tossed into a sewer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>At worst you can laugh at these “lighter” deaths and at best you can build a hatred of The Penguin’s pathetic character.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>The pathos are all there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I would say that there’s less suspension of disbelief involved in frequency controlled penguins than Doc Ock controlling tentacles with his “brain chip” in <span style="font-style: italic;">Spiderman 2</span>…or even the concept of a Spider bite giving someone super powers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I don’t see how it could be difficult to accept, especially in a universe as absurd as Batman’s.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjIb-ASj8WUrIgl7HlEWd0lr2EKfP-GBcw_-OqCeyyntpPuXu-v6vMKMU0DMxpDFtuIwRsGzl_Nx06dY41laNKEVKdkHmTEYtkQLWJyDBLdYZL1b7g7oxXjg2E_8Q7yDcO29r9FkMpunNo/s1600/0447_5_lg-e1291926852955.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 213px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjIb-ASj8WUrIgl7HlEWd0lr2EKfP-GBcw_-OqCeyyntpPuXu-v6vMKMU0DMxpDFtuIwRsGzl_Nx06dY41laNKEVKdkHmTEYtkQLWJyDBLdYZL1b7g7oxXjg2E_8Q7yDcO29r9FkMpunNo/s320/0447_5_lg-e1291926852955.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5613854230686199122" border="0" /></a><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in">So I’ve written a lot now trying to defend <span style="font-style: italic;">Returns</span> from various possible criticisms (Why do people always bring tomatoes to speeches?) but what sets it apart from the rest?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I can safely say that personally, as a lifelong Batman fan, <span style="font-style: italic;">Returns</span> may be the most enjoyable Batman film to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>While for nostalgic reasons, <span style="font-style: italic;">The Dark Knight </span>is still the most fun I ever had with a film given all the hype surrounding the release, <span style="font-style: italic;">Returns </span>is worth a watch if you can overlook the lack of Nolan. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in">It’s the perfect mix of comic Batman characters with elements of movies ranging from comedy to horror.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>The suit is there. The tech is certainly there (remote controlled batarang anyone?).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>The action sequences are tight and well edited.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>On top of that, it also has my personal favorite musical score of all time for a film.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Dark brooding, moody circus music perfectly fits the character of the Penguin and the slinky, screeching effects suit Catwoman’s character very well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Elfman also expands on the already great Batman theme from 89 and mixes the best cues when Batman is on screen with heightened versions of the Penguin suite when the characters are intercut on screen (such as the pursuit of the penguin through the sewers in the third act).<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjb8On1T4IbsnBhAgOn_YkuCa8dEqfl9ZBDvBT8BICGr1FRWXt0cbuSa2LqU231-mPQfgVhpWGYAyIodKOmLHzPN0uabAmd17qSqjcVxyx1RCdLDPYSjftCvCLRFJ2LDoPlmiPkT4hzPjy/s1600/Batskiboat.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 182px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjb8On1T4IbsnBhAgOn_YkuCa8dEqfl9ZBDvBT8BICGr1FRWXt0cbuSa2LqU231-mPQfgVhpWGYAyIodKOmLHzPN0uabAmd17qSqjcVxyx1RCdLDPYSjftCvCLRFJ2LDoPlmiPkT4hzPjy/s320/Batskiboat.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5613839499690742370" border="0" /></a><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">Speaking of the pursuit scene…out of all the secondary bat vehicles introduced in the third act of the Batman films (Batplane, Batwing, Bat sub, Batpod, Bat…sled…) the Batskiboat which narrowly dodges wayward missiles from Penguin Commandos is by far the coolest and most practical.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>There’s this great overwhelming presence of the absurd in <span style="font-style: italic;">Batman Returns</span>, but the subject matter is so dark (I’ve heard people compare the film to an inkwell) that it’s hard to laugh at it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I think it’s a great mix for a Batman movie. It’s sad, often poignant at times, but also tends to feel like a sitcom akin to the 1966 Batman show crossed with the Addam’s Family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>It’s a perfect cross between darkness and camp…beauty and the beast if you will.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCsoF_M8ZMBwvtyXosluh1Y0STtDMcqdNVQjfazBcZxjWwV20R8GIDnNwSyRcK8CRaPnihiFZmRwxQBXDw-pEMQu-m21jWPQoqFZJFfFWlIQXBj2EMx6KKcOMSkkwVGyVMXzgtMrbObEAc/s1600/danny_devito_as_the_penguin_wallpaper_-_1680x1050.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCsoF_M8ZMBwvtyXosluh1Y0STtDMcqdNVQjfazBcZxjWwV20R8GIDnNwSyRcK8CRaPnihiFZmRwxQBXDw-pEMQu-m21jWPQoqFZJFfFWlIQXBj2EMx6KKcOMSkkwVGyVMXzgtMrbObEAc/s320/danny_devito_as_the_penguin_wallpaper_-_1680x1050.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5613839501499556994" border="0" /></a></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in">One of the greatest scenes in the film is the death of the Penguin. After he has supposedly fallen to his watery grave through glass, he emerges dripping blood and bile from the water behind Batman, in one final attempt to kill him. He reaches for an umbrella, and accidentally "picks a cute one" before collapsing needing a "cold drink of ice water." Hated by everyone his entire life, in his death, the penguins emerge from the corners of his sewer lair and drag him into the water to sink to the bottom. It's touching, bizarre even to Batman, who watches the procession unfold. The music is powerful, sad and extremely fitting. It's incredible to see an incredibly humanizing and tragic end to a character that is so easy for most people to hate throughout the film.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">Rather than just elude to the accepted truths of the Batman mythos like the super-urban high tech current films, grim to the core, I think <span style="font-style: italic;">Batman Returns</span> is a good superhero film that’s certainly worth watching again if you feel like it’s “stupid” or not a “batman film.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I wish I could have spent more time praising the nuances in Devito’s performance or the greatness of Catwoman’s role in this film as the only truly well written female character in the Batman series’, but the pitiful legacy <span style="font-style: italic;">Returns</span> has acquired among comic fans made this more of a crusade to set the record right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Though I would hardly call myself a <span style="font-style: italic;">Returns </span>apologist…as there’s nothing to be sorry for.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>This is an excellent film.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiB1JzubvGWHrJya0A1xdsEtUsYVnFAN7Ir_GoW7FhLXmKxghDHaSoZL8X1FSdJZtIbxgszyMVoRiQ8QiaVKjnYvz_p27SO9jn0e3ay0mJfm5yX1NCvguOascoqQj-9VcRKpTEujWvyGVdb/s1600/catwoman_looks_at_bat_signal_wallpaper-336x336.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiB1JzubvGWHrJya0A1xdsEtUsYVnFAN7Ir_GoW7FhLXmKxghDHaSoZL8X1FSdJZtIbxgszyMVoRiQ8QiaVKjnYvz_p27SO9jn0e3ay0mJfm5yX1NCvguOascoqQj-9VcRKpTEujWvyGVdb/s320/catwoman_looks_at_bat_signal_wallpaper-336x336.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5613854233542851474" border="0" /></a></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-style: italic;">"Come what may...Merry Christmas Mr. Wayne..."</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in"><span style="font-style: italic;"> "Merry Christmas Alfred. Goodwill toward men. And women." </span>
<br /><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p>Matthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07569099531705786742noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8071230011858741348.post-49884906089234643632011-05-06T16:12:00.000-07:002011-06-09T10:43:48.228-07:00THE DEATH OF OSAMA. THE EGGMCFUCK. THE THORCUPS. GREAT TRIUMPHS FOR AMERICA!I don’t normally write posts that don’t relate to some kind of movie or fast food product, but this has been a helluva week so I feel like I need to attempt to organize my thoughts into some kind of poignant ramble for the sake of posterity. Where were YOU on the day of the Royal Wedding No one cares; dumb Brits. Get a divorce and settle for a bazillion dollars then throw cash on the streets. But now…where were you when they SHOT BIN LADEN IN THE FUCKING EYE? Why I was out celebrating with the rest of the good ol’ citizens of America. I’m not one for blatant jingoistic sentiment, but my excitement built up over the course of Sunday night until it hit critical mass. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to pet Obama’s head so badly. Perhaps I should slow down. I wouldn’t want to forget to mention the Thorcups.<br /><br />Then it was time to celebrate active hater of my blog, Tyler Lopachin’s 21st birthday. We went to a couple bars, and by the time we walked into a second one, some rowdy Boston peasants were telling us that they got Osama…it was just uphill from there. I ended up spending the night hanging out with a friend at emerson watching the developments on the television and rejoicing in the death of a terrorist. We blew up the Death Star. We destroyed the T-1000. We won the Nascar 500. It was a collective victory. Pretty soon people were busting out the Charlie Sheen chants. I decided the time was right in the morning. It was time for the Egg Mcfuck at Dunkin.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikvWZY-eyKLq8XtajbjhnEs7sE1NWG43kA7PetaKTpPUJ9ZYWtEjBMFtO8HFJeBwYFwKOdh6JutQvOL6LZ-UBUnjIgU96rJs_FVVg_Mjn9kuoeCIkcxEcD08hCcdIcX1-iP2udkYZXOmTr/s1600/photo.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikvWZY-eyKLq8XtajbjhnEs7sE1NWG43kA7PetaKTpPUJ9ZYWtEjBMFtO8HFJeBwYFwKOdh6JutQvOL6LZ-UBUnjIgU96rJs_FVVg_Mjn9kuoeCIkcxEcD08hCcdIcX1-iP2udkYZXOmTr/s320/photo.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5603745817611749698" border="0" /></a><br />I don’t really remember how good it was because I was coming down from “euphoria” but I remember really appreciating the tiny specks of pepper. The bread tasted like sex. I guess. I don’t know. I’ve eaten a lot more bread than I’ve had sex, so I might have to draw a more normal comparison somewhere.<br /><br />Did I mention that I finally got the giant fucking Thor cups? I think I went to around ten 7-11's trying to find them. Did I succeed? Yeah I did. We drank out of them after haggling with some dumbass 7-11 employees who thought we were trying to con them out of slurpees the night of THOR at midnight. Which was pretty entertaining actually. I’d give it a solid B.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3XOiH7RGqzlXZA5ztmpSU-bEXl5-v7k5UrSEDdkvAcS7QyTrRe3fd13AwiFJbk1X2sfEWaJgy6S5KTm-seo2kbamgdcSM6R0rzsXhlz0VAlsz1n0l7cAng0ZDUQ9BfDChgJNgKjwJRE9K/s1600/photeeo.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3XOiH7RGqzlXZA5ztmpSU-bEXl5-v7k5UrSEDdkvAcS7QyTrRe3fd13AwiFJbk1X2sfEWaJgy6S5KTm-seo2kbamgdcSM6R0rzsXhlz0VAlsz1n0l7cAng0ZDUQ9BfDChgJNgKjwJRE9K/s320/photeeo.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5603746951361933458" border="0" /></a><br /><br />I’d give this post a solid C. It’s far too normal.Matthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07569099531705786742noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8071230011858741348.post-14381931770624771882011-04-25T15:26:00.000-07:002011-04-25T15:45:22.997-07:00I'M KINDA EXCITED TO SEE THORHark! The title bestowed upon this blog post was so obvious an old man and a fool could have agreed upon it. This entry shall here by be wrote in the tongue of the Norseman and the mighty Anthony Hopkins. Upon the rumblings of April, the heavens of Asgard opened and struck the world with Thor-mania. Odin looked upon his work and proclaimed it was good. 7-11 was among the first of puny human establishments to fall to the might of the mjolnir. Thou dare visit 7-11 upon multiple happenstance to exchange currency for thine mighty Thor Slurpees? Nay. Surely you jest Loki! I jest not. Thou hath consumeth now a trifle short of four Thor Slurpees, with the number equivalent to three.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwAH7nkN3d5RVCJoliku5zlqoKWv6thatqPFQVG8TOtCUXMKvpCyKj_IgNysrXHBzc2rYCOzCMb17fTacVIVkgQe2htN0Rlr3Wq8x5QEB-0E4JBBQ4jrQa4G2BeFN2aU-BM7DnTsUj7lWg/s1600/pho2to.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwAH7nkN3d5RVCJoliku5zlqoKWv6thatqPFQVG8TOtCUXMKvpCyKj_IgNysrXHBzc2rYCOzCMb17fTacVIVkgQe2htN0Rlr3Wq8x5QEB-0E4JBBQ4jrQa4G2BeFN2aU-BM7DnTsUj7lWg/s320/pho2to.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5599655936633175506" border="0" /></a><br />Be there a flavor of god nector flavored with the scent of the maiden Natalie Portman or Thor Sweat, my attempts to find it have been met with failure. I have filled my goblet and drank well of COCA COLA and CHERRY FLAVORED slurpees emblazoned with the thor crests of advertising.<br /><br />The first thing mere mortals may notice about the goblets is they are adorned with the lenticular motion patterns of hammer-tossing. Atop the perch of the ...lid...rests a mighty statue of a god or foe or Asgard for children drinking the slurpee to devlope idol worship upon. They will cling to these miniature talismans of the mighty Marvel franchise for the rest of their pathetic lives, spiting their foolish parents who try to make them believe the heroic avenger's golden locks are but myth.<br /><br />So far in my travels thou has exchanged around a grand total of around ten dollars of human currency for thor related slurpee trinket, now posessing resuable plastic cups and straws with the manly visage of Thor, Loki and the evil fire breathing destroyer. Tis a grand bargain and cause for celebration surely!<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJFtvOLSF_ojTXJUgnxgINBnn7YWNZ6HM1G2TE-azoWwABdfCOiJZYN867WxLpcE-rcLB-O3FviBq1gtZ7PaiCcZ1yjnLSfx7lKxiL78jvDhKZslOTQ4awSvfQDL-NbnlU5jMV4CF0D-pJ/s1600/photo.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJFtvOLSF_ojTXJUgnxgINBnn7YWNZ6HM1G2TE-azoWwABdfCOiJZYN867WxLpcE-rcLB-O3FviBq1gtZ7PaiCcZ1yjnLSfx7lKxiL78jvDhKZslOTQ4awSvfQDL-NbnlU5jMV4CF0D-pJ/s320/photo.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5599655932922884898" border="0" /></a><br />What could improve perhaps these glorious tokens of asgard? Why of course the jolly liquid known as VODKA. Nave, coward and god alike shall walk the streets swinging hammers with reckless abandon under it's spell with Thor slurpees posessing more spikes than the armor of thee destroyer!<br /><br />Having enjoyed them to maximum godly potential now, I still require one more cup and miniature ho figurine to have them all. The marking spell of Odin is absolute. So I will soon pound my fist upon the countertop of 7-11 yelling for ANOTHA!Matthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07569099531705786742noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8071230011858741348.post-36593521063850508632011-04-22T17:10:00.000-07:002011-04-22T17:24:35.998-07:00Fuck that hamburger with peppers and cheese and make it your bitchMore specifically STEAKHOUSE burger because Burger King has to be pretentious like that. This is also a record for the most profane/badass title I've ever used for an entry. Well I suppose I'm endorsing a badass product so it's fitting. If Burger King comes back at me for "slandering" their pristine and child-friendly reputation, I'll return their burger...on their...shoes.<br /><br />So much like the "Egg Mcfuck" Dunkin Donuts has been touting with marquis-sized posters for the past month or so, I've been haunted by the giant advertisements for the JALAPENO AND CHEDDER STUFFED STEAKHOUSE BURGER for a while now and I've been putting off spending the six bucks (though it might as well be 4 bucks because their fries are fuckin unbearable) to cover it for all my loyal koolaide drinking followers. Well I guess if I had a cult they'd all be eating double downs and drinking Shamrock Shakes.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiANeP3bAs2L_xAWhmzSx079uzYZCCUVpN0f7uwsYzadcFEwow4yLp9JkP8SzYnGWXtHq8CAZENUbRTg8FvQ56q3_DIsy1wM-hMpbexOzoIcsQb6kwoRAcp02mzm3Yj70_bsIAL_ZAFsNje/s1600/photo.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiANeP3bAs2L_xAWhmzSx079uzYZCCUVpN0f7uwsYzadcFEwow4yLp9JkP8SzYnGWXtHq8CAZENUbRTg8FvQ56q3_DIsy1wM-hMpbexOzoIcsQb6kwoRAcp02mzm3Yj70_bsIAL_ZAFsNje/s320/photo.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5598568230917741122" border="0" /></a><br />On the first bite, the peppers come on kind of strong. Like going for third base in the middle of a movie theater or something. I'll admit that was a strange analogy but the first thing I tasted was pepper. It wasn't necessarily a bad thing, but I'm pleased to admit that this one gets better the more you devour like a mountain lion. I didn't want the damn thing to end, which is about as big a compliment as I can award any fast food burger. Now I'm starting to think if I wanted to be a real cretin, I could combine two of these bastards and make a bowel-murdering double stacker of pepper.<br /><br />The cheese element is pretty minimal, but they make up for it with greens and reds (by that I mean vegetables) and a slathering of some kind of house spread. Burger king has become fond of that. You'll notice the bun is serrated. I'm not sure how I feel about this. Are they implying this is more than a typical burger bun? Is there some kind of hidden reference here?<br /><br />So, suprisingly, I really liked this one. More than the Whiplash Whopper, but then again, I didn't get to feel like Mickey Rourke when I ate it so there is something of a trade off. Not my favorite fast food item of all time (a list I've been thinking of making for a while now...like my own artery blocking oscars) but this one is really solid. The peppers seem to diminish after the first minute or so and you slip into just being sort of high off the flavor.<br /><br />Wait...am I seriously reviewing this? Am I actually giving CULINARY review? My god someone stop me. When I say I do "food reviews" I mean it in a rhetorical sense.<br /><br />Stay tuned for the FUCKING THOR SLURPEE POST.Matthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07569099531705786742noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8071230011858741348.post-86244460374804666692011-04-19T21:50:00.001-07:002011-04-19T22:12:00.163-07:00Blogging out of boredom, but how can you be bored with Ketchup packets that open TWO WAYS?I think the title of the entry is pretty self explanatory. I caught some heat from dumbass readers after the last entry who apparently didn't read the rules before showing up to my party. Yes I'm kind to the few fans that I have. I kind of feel like Mel Gibson in the Beaver right now. If you haven't seen the trailer you should probably look it up before doing anything else in your life...including going to the bathroom and evacuating the Thor slurpees you just drank.<br /><br />I'm starting to come to the harsh realization that this blog has devolved into little more than an epic retelling of my encounters with shitty fast food product extraordinaire. I use the word "shitty" in the loosest sense.<br /><br />So while I haven't ever blogged about the 7th wonder of the world known as "Chick Fil A", you should know for the sake of posterity and to give you context for this entry, that I consider it a holy place. Chick Fil A is about as close as I come to tangible proof of a higher power. Milkshakes. Nuggets. A motif of terrified cows holding up poorly worded signs. Waffle fries (which are referenced in Unforgivable no less). Yes they have pretty much everything. But now they've rolled out with something that you couldn't have possibly guessed they'd roll out with next. Like if you HAD to find something wrong with Chick Fil A as you were stuffing your face with those nuggets did you ever think to yourself "I wish these ketchup packets weren't so goddamn small?" I mean I guess it's sort of a loaded question because who in their right mind goes to Chick Fil A and uses KETCHUP with the advent of Honey Mustard and goddamn Ranch? Their buffalo sauce is almost too pungent for me. I feel like I'm talking to myself now, but that's ok because no one reads these anyway.<br /><br />Well maybe you'd be inclined to use more ketchup if they didn't have those single bite ketchup packets that you have to go through the trouble to squeeze out onto your food in concentration camp sized portions. You know the ones I mean...just about every greedy corporate fast food joint uses them.<br /><br />Feast your eyes, assholes.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJ9MPI3CHW5SOTmnolYx4t_auqmDpbj_k1HpH-KBhyphenhyphen8FtKW4UJMvkZiq8n4wF3ImWswVCnEJjBnEHbQvN4fgFsI8_DhVfjJ8vRMJCXa96Q9TDfFEHcpJQX8bkSkItRQ6at1bc9MMyLNMy5/s1600/Photo010.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJ9MPI3CHW5SOTmnolYx4t_auqmDpbj_k1HpH-KBhyphenhyphen8FtKW4UJMvkZiq8n4wF3ImWswVCnEJjBnEHbQvN4fgFsI8_DhVfjJ8vRMJCXa96Q9TDfFEHcpJQX8bkSkItRQ6at1bc9MMyLNMy5/s320/Photo010.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5597528902954810050" border="0" /></a><br />You dip it! You squeeze it! Go all out! Go apeshit! Throw a party! Huff some glue!<br /><br />Words can't even describe this kind of thing at first. "Galactic" is one of the first adjectives called to mind. Celestial perhaps. Cosmic Annihilation. Tiny reservoirs of Catsup that open on two ends. You live in America. You have choices. Important choices. You can't open it two ways McGruber, which way is it going to be?<br /><br />In the interest of...science, I opened one packet of each. Normally I wouldn't even be using Ketchup...shits for peasants but it needed to be explored. There's a lot more here in fluid ounces than there is in the tiny ass single squeeze packets. I'm not sure since I didn't actually do the math but there must be at least three times the quantity.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi91t1Z2PzuNDbH1WXZOJDniYRUna4fk2f5vc8sAfh98ypkwGq8r1_ZW7y3MCDtFnONvoEeD4pezvCbOnwNchyfGI_LGRtyEzSZ1kgCYnFVvgPJLJSr1_3rtP5rR8jL8o_vlz9Tz0IGPZ6y/s1600/Photo017.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi91t1Z2PzuNDbH1WXZOJDniYRUna4fk2f5vc8sAfh98ypkwGq8r1_ZW7y3MCDtFnONvoEeD4pezvCbOnwNchyfGI_LGRtyEzSZ1kgCYnFVvgPJLJSr1_3rtP5rR8jL8o_vlz9Tz0IGPZ6y/s320/Photo017.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5597528901999432306" border="0" /></a><br />I'm thinking that I actually prefer them as dipping sauce rather than squeezing sauce. I mean, you're used to squeezing the ketchup. In fact I feel like the squeezing end was only included for the purists. If you're not stuck in a rut with an old world mindset, you might as well dunk the every living shit out of those nuggets in the ketchup vat. Baptisms await your chicken strip combo meals...<br /><br />It's really a shame that Chick Fil A makes you politely request their sauce packets instead of just letting you take as many as you want, but I guess that makes sense since people like me would abuse the system and take enough honey mustard and ranch (and now ketchup) packets to fortify a fallout shelter. I guess it's smart marketing. Leaves you coming back for more. Isn't it funny how much better everything tastes that you could buy in a store when it is physically served to you by a submissive human being?<br /><br />Still building up to Thor Slurpees. More to come.Matthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07569099531705786742noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8071230011858741348.post-70877024805433312562011-04-11T21:25:00.000-07:002011-04-11T21:26:15.632-07:00DISAPPOINTMENT COMES IN GREENI was actually in the process of writing a pretty intense blog entry rich with thematic content and what not which I’d been struggling to find for days when I passed someone on the street that required my IMMEDIATE ATTENTION. Sometimes you just have to drop everything and start writing that instant or you lose the spark. You know…the spark of the urge…to write about like fast food stuff. It works for me pretty well. Perhaps in the immediate future I will be able to continue my TOUR DE BLOG but for now there is more pressing business than personal litanies. There are mountains. There are Mountain Dews. Then there are Mountain Dew Coolatas.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOSYdOHulGunRwHLLWt3AQE7CRGlkcFHPdgsg1-t0m8yhlbaMjMC3ji-zInhf3y3cd7sp6IVfA9q9D1FOxIXWg6BuJWhek2W97ZrYm6bn4b23oXSaS_PYRKcntxLaxdKPl0lYAxKNFqvzi/s1600/photo.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOSYdOHulGunRwHLLWt3AQE7CRGlkcFHPdgsg1-t0m8yhlbaMjMC3ji-zInhf3y3cd7sp6IVfA9q9D1FOxIXWg6BuJWhek2W97ZrYm6bn4b23oXSaS_PYRKcntxLaxdKPl0lYAxKNFqvzi/s320/photo.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5594548589915311730" border="0" /></a><br /><br /> Apparently I’m an ignoramus because I’m note quite sure what the difference between a Coolata and a Slurpee is when the question is thrown in my expert direction. I just had the Thor Slurpee the other day (which is good enough to get ANOTHA) but I feel like since that’s not green, it’s not quite as pressing to write about. So Coolatas are essentially Slurpees with more tiny little pieces of ice inside. I’ve gone so far as to google this topic. The celebration of Autism Awareness Month continues over here at Sober Valley Lodge. Look at how disappointingly un-green this shit is.<br /><br /> And it tasted poorly too. I almost vomited on slumbering homelessmen passing by. Quite possibly the only coolata I’ve never finished. Disappointment can’t even begin to describe it. It’s like the day I found out that Russel Crowe passed away. I don’t have much else to say about it except that it wasn’t very sweet and doesn’t get my high marks all around the scrabble board. Maybe I should invest in coffee.<br /><br />I hope this holds all the hoards of readers over until I write the big long epic one or whatever.Matthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07569099531705786742noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8071230011858741348.post-55508429819434964602011-04-06T11:21:00.000-07:002011-04-06T11:28:15.432-07:00My trip to TijuanaI really wanted to write an inspiring blog, chock full of thematic weight and revolutionary ideas. That’s a work in progress though, and I’ll allow you to believe I have something up my sleeve that will leave you coming back on a daily basis waiting for the instructions to the first phase of Project Mayhem. In the meantime I wanted to eek out a quickie if for no greater reason than to have done something at least mildly productive for the week. I don’t think one blawg poast a week is too much to ask do you? Anyway as I’m biding my time thinking of lengthier, tear-inducing entries I wanted to write about an incredible voyage I took this week.<br /><br /> In the past year I’ve been struggling with the concept of being a racial minority for the second time in my life. Here in East Boston, I’d say if you don’t speak Spanish you’re fucked. Thankfully, not only do I speak nominal Spanish, but I also hoof it from my house to the T stop any time I’m actually caught outdoors. Got to avoid that sunlight right? But every time I pass by Maverick Square I must pause….the smell…it’s fondling my face with gigantic Mexican hands. It’s the awe inspiring smell of Pollo Campero. I’ve long been putting off a trip to the place, but then the cosmos aligned and the moment was right for inevitable showdown with fate.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEf_OzsSPIt5UksrtwEAXawO0l7g7JkJhnU0jRb68RwJkP2rmrZ9p8RKdfxsQYoqZEU6HaEa4PdeLVuDxhegQd_4zJ7HtKOnK9dj54_fSWDX7iL4l_mgsPwe-pOJHg1kUyaZ2yGksDdtKI/s1600/Photo001.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEf_OzsSPIt5UksrtwEAXawO0l7g7JkJhnU0jRb68RwJkP2rmrZ9p8RKdfxsQYoqZEU6HaEa4PdeLVuDxhegQd_4zJ7HtKOnK9dj54_fSWDX7iL4l_mgsPwe-pOJHg1kUyaZ2yGksDdtKI/s320/Photo001.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5592538719797690546" border="0" /></a> (I always get funny looks taking pictures of shit in fast food establishments)<br /><br /> I walked into Tijuana. It was like Platform 9 and 3/4ths straight into Mexico. Not a single word of English other than those loudly blurted out by me were uttered in the place. Not even an attempt at it. Upon googling Pollo Campero, it’s like an immersion project being tested in the United States; <span style="font-style: italic;">it’s not even a wide released fast food chain</span>! Upon looking at the menu I discovered it was almost identical to the mcdonalds in the same block, except with Chicken Burritos. The choice of what to get was painfully obvious, though I did have to place my order about 37 times before the translation was successful and the burrito was launched into the deep fryer. I’m treading on thin ice with this blog I think. The truth must be told though.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdcSUmSfKuZ_ky2nKnvV8unIqPP6IBIhV8hiaA883S_0sAoJ8Gw6PqoaKTqusxyEDsXgddOqGCivMSQwgWkT0bEBtJQwtzJULBE1MK-dXFQHNGmQtkwXxyvBK9miZpubBfxywQi0EpBXhF/s1600/Photo002.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdcSUmSfKuZ_ky2nKnvV8unIqPP6IBIhV8hiaA883S_0sAoJ8Gw6PqoaKTqusxyEDsXgddOqGCivMSQwgWkT0bEBtJQwtzJULBE1MK-dXFQHNGmQtkwXxyvBK9miZpubBfxywQi0EpBXhF/s320/Photo002.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5592538722324215170" border="0" /></a> (the proof)<br /><br /> Here’s the real kicker. Inside there was a little old Chinese man (like the shopkeeper in Gremlins) selling pirated DVDs inside slipcases. Like NEW releases. He was going around cat calling to people and getting them to come over and look at his pile, right behind the counter of the restaurant. I had to comically rub my eyes a few times to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating. No other establishment in the world would allow that to fly. Nowhere. Well, having missed out on the new horror flick Insidious in theaters the other day, I flipped through his stack. Five bucks for a brand new film that’s still in theaters really isn’t a bad deal. He even had Sucker Punch, quite possibly the most offensive turd that’s been flung at the pictures business since Catfish. I politely passed on his wares, but I don’t think I can unsee what I saw. Cheap deeveedees….new ones…I might have to journey back South of the Border and take my business to the movie peddler. No wonder the Blockbuster next door went out of business.<br /><br />bedebedebede that's all folksMatthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07569099531705786742noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8071230011858741348.post-40044906346063942982011-03-28T18:14:00.000-07:002011-03-28T18:23:37.037-07:0090's rocks LIVES...(in the rainforest)So 90’s Rocks died a painful death it seems. But now it's back. It's a zombie blog. Scratch that. Fuck zombies. I'm tired of how trendy they are now. I liked them better as the subject of cult films. A lot has happened since the last installment in the chronicling of promotional food items and the unwarranted worship of lowbrow crap intended for children. It’s not really worth opening that can of tuna right now though, when there’s new inspiration afoot for more passionate rambling about the unimportant. The show must go on; though I feel like I’ve said that before on this blog. Sloth can be the vice of men, and I fear I’ll never write another word in my life of my own volition unless I just painfully bring hand to trackpad and sweat it out. So that’s this then. I’m dedicating this post to a certain blogger, whose achievements in the blogosphere make this one look pitiful; but motivated me to keep at it.<br /><br /> This past summer one of my good friends and I traveled to Orlando on what was essentially a suicide mission to meet Mark Hamill (which didn’t even pan out). Apparently now days Mark’s career has devolved into charging over 100 bucks for a photo op. Who does he think he is…Bill Murray? Anyway, while we were taking buses and cabs around the city of dreams hunting down K Marts and Chick Fil A in the ass-kicking heat, I insisted that we go to DOWNTOWN DISNEY. If you’re living a meaningless life, and you’re unfamiliar with Orlando Florida’s layout and in particular the layout of the Disney Parks (which I think I could easily write 10-15 blog posts about) then you’ll know about the subdivision marketplace area lovingly called DOWNTOWN DISNEY. I think this place really peaked in its cool factor for me at the early turn of the century when the phrase “virtual reality” actually fucking meant something. They had this building full of simulators called Disney Quest which was a popular birthday destination. They also had a huge Virgin Records store, which was the first place in the world where I discovered the scent of marijuana. One of the coolest features was this Planet Hollywood gift shop thing which had insanely expensive film props. We’re talking actual Batman Forever costumes and Ewok fur. The things men go to war to protect. When I was younger I was all about the LEGO store there too. All of these good things have been torn down, replaced or metaphorically shit on over the years and I pity the current younger generation that is told that this is what “fun is all about.” You know nothing about fun. It’s not too late though. It’s never too late, as long as Rainforest Café still stands. Motherfuck!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHgT3-KhZJv7PLiw4OV4Nrl8x5supPg9EtbGbWFkT9zCCKpY3AemRpmh_Kys7ZLYM7cEiOyKatWbUYHeTACVYP_Mz1MfA47cKI9e2rZIhOffRJPD7a4FFz-5WYksTgGsEvbJdLcMt0-vR8/s1600/40105_1607289544938_1317156810_31686984_1626069_n.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHgT3-KhZJv7PLiw4OV4Nrl8x5supPg9EtbGbWFkT9zCCKpY3AemRpmh_Kys7ZLYM7cEiOyKatWbUYHeTACVYP_Mz1MfA47cKI9e2rZIhOffRJPD7a4FFz-5WYksTgGsEvbJdLcMt0-vR8/s320/40105_1607289544938_1317156810_31686984_1626069_n.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5589305219793940306" border="0" /></a><br /> So what drew your attention to Rainforest café? Oh maybe that it’s a giant goddamn volcano? Or maybe the enormous mushroom standing guard of the place. Or maybe the big animatronic alligator howling out of his aged voice chip at the door?<span style="font-style: italic;"> Sidenote: We need more animatronic creatures in today’s society. I miss being able to walk into museums and seeing Dinosaurs and then trying to feed them debris against the will of the “No Touching” signs.</span> So if themed food is pretty much the best thing in the world and if y=mx+b, then clearly a themed RESTAURANT is almost too good for the general public to be allowed to even set eyes on. Walking into Rainforest Café is a sensory overload. I can’t even begin to describe it properly. How can I possibly impart that smell of recycled fountain water? I’m just going to close my eyes and put myself there, typing out a stream of consciousness attempting to describe this place to you.<br /><br /> Apes. Big ol lovable apes banging on their boobs. That is a huge fucking parrot. I didn’t know they came in that size. There is a frog on that tree. Oh yes there are trees. Did you like the sky in Harry Potter? That’s good because the sky in here is like the night sky with light up dots on it. Every twenty minutes or so it’s gonna rain so you better be prepared. There are snakes hanging from the ceiling. Copious amounts of Spanish Moss…I’m afraid it’s going to fall onto my plate. How can a grilled cheese be that expensive? Can I try your cocktail mom? They aren’t going to ARREST us for god sakes it looks like tomato juice! Did you guys see how cool the bathrooms are? Boy this place really makes Bugaboo Creek look like the 7th layer of hell doesn’t it? I’m not leaving without at least 20 bucks worth of animal related shit from the gift shop. Airbrushed t-shirts preferable.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJGzSx0HTmfjXVLYRvscswjfWvKKQ0g6D_RaaUgQ-h1pK9iutOT7WMytwG8ftsxZ8ZmUDh9390Ck6pb9HpS80wEBVnsx0MFqkgYxbOh_hvO2gRNQ8TzQK-Q6UoM8dDIIDKc3CejhEPAbYT/s1600/45041_1607289304932_1317156810_31686979_322765_n.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJGzSx0HTmfjXVLYRvscswjfWvKKQ0g6D_RaaUgQ-h1pK9iutOT7WMytwG8ftsxZ8ZmUDh9390Ck6pb9HpS80wEBVnsx0MFqkgYxbOh_hvO2gRNQ8TzQK-Q6UoM8dDIIDKc3CejhEPAbYT/s320/45041_1607289304932_1317156810_31686979_322765_n.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5589305224443480178" border="0" /></a><br /><br /> And before you know it the whirlwind of pure elation is over and you’re paying the bill leaving mildly hungry but also possibly suffering from indigestion. Rainforest is a fan of the tiny portion, but fuck it who goes there for the food? Someday I’d like to go back to Rainforest when I’m old enough to drink beer like a real man on a safari and get WASTED and crack up at the elephants. I’m pretty sure that the air vents in Rainforest expel pure MDMA or something. The only other restaurant that can get me stoked like this is this Mars 2112 place in New York which has an Alien Motif, complete with costumed assholes. Rainforest is/was a chain as far as I know though, and there were others to attend outside or Orlando. I think that it’s in a vacation spot only adds to the experience though.<br /><br /> I’ve been to Rainforest 2 times in the past decade. That’s about 96 times too few. I think one hundred would be a little excessive. I’m really hoping they stay in business long enough to remain my fall back plan of employment if this whole college thing doesn’t work out. This also might be one of those “You had to be there” type things where if you went there for the first time now like my friend did this summer; as you might be unable to fully appreciate the awe inspiring awesome of Rainforest. So save the trees folks…otherwise there won’t be a reason for Rainforest Café to parody nature anymore; though as far as I’m concerned the world could become a post apocalyptic, carbon monoxide filled wasteland as long as we still celebrated Halloween and there was a Rainforest Café somewhere. And shamrock shakes. Those are really important too. I’ve had 9 of them since the month started. It’s like my very own March Madness minus the sports.Matthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07569099531705786742noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8071230011858741348.post-2515051446842966942011-01-07T21:05:00.001-08:002011-01-07T22:08:35.322-08:00FINAL TOP TEN MOVIES LISTI waffled over (a turn of phrase which I adore) these picks for at least three weeks before I was confident enough in my choices to post them. Movies ended up being very hard to choose this year and I still don't think I'm entirely sure about the ordering of my top five. People complained all year about how 2010 was a "weak year", but now that it's come and gone, I actually really enjoyed a lot of movies this year; certainly more than 2009. I'll proceed to count down from ten for 2010 until I hit my FAVORITE film of the year. I'm judging these purely based on what I enjoyed the most. That means I might be bias to my personal tastes.<br /><br />10. Kick Ass.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyRngXZu-95S-5KdCEwRZv26CW6PAS3xoSRdSoppd6MwL-6FpqNKDnvw2zJ7_cKGRGezPbvv9NmhwLVL-tUKXlMq4HmGWllSC865Jie_A7jNI05w_w862XcYd7Ucfp0xf9NzqkMmOTIMLk/s1600/Nic-Cage-kickass-facepaint.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 150px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyRngXZu-95S-5KdCEwRZv26CW6PAS3xoSRdSoppd6MwL-6FpqNKDnvw2zJ7_cKGRGezPbvv9NmhwLVL-tUKXlMq4HmGWllSC865Jie_A7jNI05w_w862XcYd7Ucfp0xf9NzqkMmOTIMLk/s320/Nic-Cage-kickass-facepaint.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5559691129990178242" border="0" /></a><br />Prior to this film's release I was sure this was hipster garbage/trendy bullshit/etc etc etc. I avoided it for a long time before Sarah got me to see it. Sure it is "popular" and trendy among teens because at the core it is a teen movie; but there's a lot of great satire in this film that pokes fun at the conventions of the superhero genre. Like any other comic book geek, I've spent a while wondering if I were to actually don a cape and cowl how would I go about doing it? Where do you even begin? It's an interesting premise; but rather than go for a realistic angle they went for over the top violence. It works pretty well and makes an entertaining movie. Also, I'm a huge fan of anything CAGE, so the fact that he plays "Batman" was a major plus. Oh...and the last line is a Jack Nicholson Joker quote. Kudos.<br /><br />9. Tron.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgz2ny1MUQ6-7ZnCMB3OjX1Khov8q0DeOCVjgVrhSnp-k1xykEnqWVHJD_OZgOHZdWLSKxnCoo6FJ2wHOAL883aOIoGaOsgNrUkL2z4xA2-_8jT4j-CMiRRDh2k4QP-qbRpF3OcEurEkMsl/s1600/Tron_Legacy_Light_Cycle_204959_20090725.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgz2ny1MUQ6-7ZnCMB3OjX1Khov8q0DeOCVjgVrhSnp-k1xykEnqWVHJD_OZgOHZdWLSKxnCoo6FJ2wHOAL883aOIoGaOsgNrUkL2z4xA2-_8jT4j-CMiRRDh2k4QP-qbRpF3OcEurEkMsl/s320/Tron_Legacy_Light_Cycle_204959_20090725.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5559691120541442850" border="0" /></a><br />I must admit a bias here seeing the movie under..."ideal" conditions. I'm not a fan of movies that only focus on sight-gags, like Avatar, but unlike Avatar, this movie doesn't try to pretend to be some highbrow poignant piece of art. It's just meant to be fun and sleek and cool...and JEFF BRIDGES.<br /><br />8. Iron Man 2.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtod5us1JqcdLuiHkJJaN5kFrjHkif7ia6UIWXqtUME1g25vWcWks0cBNpPVFtBTdnDminfosd4_Q8590JrqGA0iDPnNnz4vy8YhE8UXeQFSxF5pfHJibF6Cvn0CWx3jXoFWDKAsbrcN8t/s1600/sam-rockwell-iron-man-2.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 213px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtod5us1JqcdLuiHkJJaN5kFrjHkif7ia6UIWXqtUME1g25vWcWks0cBNpPVFtBTdnDminfosd4_Q8590JrqGA0iDPnNnz4vy8YhE8UXeQFSxF5pfHJibF6Cvn0CWx3jXoFWDKAsbrcN8t/s320/sam-rockwell-iron-man-2.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5559691321184125266" border="0" /></a><br />Yet ANOTHER movie I was so ready to despise and I was so satisfied with. This is just rock and roll bliss playing out on screen. Robert Downey is always believable and cool, and I enjoyed Paltrow, Cheadle and the other members of the supporting cast (EXCEPT SCARLETT BLECH) as well. Sam Rockwell really stole the show and made the movie for me as corporate jackass Justin Hammer; easily one of my favorite film characters of the year. The action is good and the tone of the movie knows just what a superhero film should be. It takes itself just seriously enough.<br /><br />7. Easy A.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWVmepfPU0_Kg133LKSMrsFIY_90PhLqXO1Qa6X4DRSDdA3D9hlv78rEkIwNU3W-6SMCHqrEM7Twt7mMUoWeCtcYoqxwhmY3LNIWUnCrS95TMDH7UIT1_GdpyisunkLRlWUg7Rn0M-uSK2/s1600/2010_easy_a_011.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWVmepfPU0_Kg133LKSMrsFIY_90PhLqXO1Qa6X4DRSDdA3D9hlv78rEkIwNU3W-6SMCHqrEM7Twt7mMUoWeCtcYoqxwhmY3LNIWUnCrS95TMDH7UIT1_GdpyisunkLRlWUg7Rn0M-uSK2/s320/2010_easy_a_011.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5559691463969735554" border="0" /></a><br />Teen movies can be pretty fun if they're done tastefull and if the script is solid. It's been a while since a touching and sincere one has come along, despite the goofy stereotypical portrayls of high school always found in cinema. The last one I loved was Mean Girls, which is almost difficult to criticize; and while I have some problems with characterization and suspension of disbelief, not to mention motivation of the main character in Easy A, the acting carries it. Emma Stone is a natural and Stanley Tucci somehow manages to steal the show despite only being in like three scenes.<br /><br />6. Black Swan.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRbAcgVUNtMMdSZJuQonSwjlZxgV2C2wjXRiQa4ls1L7gbpRGlzzcxRwMTwLTUVEV2TBu_aeBYyL9jA5bYS49ZGs7jY6ps905U5f-ecnsZUBOomvtOYAsh8QmMx6ZcbxwU4cxBG1JGuT82/s1600/black-swan-movie.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 263px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRbAcgVUNtMMdSZJuQonSwjlZxgV2C2wjXRiQa4ls1L7gbpRGlzzcxRwMTwLTUVEV2TBu_aeBYyL9jA5bYS49ZGs7jY6ps905U5f-ecnsZUBOomvtOYAsh8QmMx6ZcbxwU4cxBG1JGuT82/s320/black-swan-movie.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5559691124535853218" border="0" /></a><br />Oh. An art film. I guess I'm getting to the meat of the issue now huh? This movie was immersive, surrealist and totally psychotic; and I felt it was Natalie Portman's best acting role to date. It's nice to see she's graduated the George Lucas school of wooden acting and moved on to bigger and better things that really showcase her ability. She's about 90% of the movie and the other ten percent is mostly comprised of her reflection in various mirrors, but it's creepy and it actually has a good message about the impossibility of perfection.<br /><br />5. 127 Hours.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_wjYoiiSxWWVL4Ojs6_ok_8vMLwNwl_2hdTQVsRpB6F9Ewe8Xa4khSx7dB33vc7r4TXQSofXBixgbVYVyi1mVpppXI-bp2GNtBbMSDmJBdAoG5z_dhieWPgZ6W1VmjsMPMqMlA6hVy0w5/s1600/127_hours_movie_image_small_james_franco_01.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_wjYoiiSxWWVL4Ojs6_ok_8vMLwNwl_2hdTQVsRpB6F9Ewe8Xa4khSx7dB33vc7r4TXQSofXBixgbVYVyi1mVpppXI-bp2GNtBbMSDmJBdAoG5z_dhieWPgZ6W1VmjsMPMqMlA6hVy0w5/s320/127_hours_movie_image_small_james_franco_01.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5559691126360927458" border="0" /></a><br />Horrifying and kinetic, I didn't have great expectations for a Danny Boyle film, but James Franco was totally fantastic; and I feel he gave the best performance in a lead role of the year. It's so much more than a movie about a guy who falls down a hole and cuts off his arm, it's about a guy clinging to life but also struggling to figure out what's worth living for simultaneously and regretting all his careless misanthropic years while staring death in the face. I loved it.<br /><br />4. Toy Story 3.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjD5UhrVgNKtF7cjEDD3aQi7AXqTrxsw7cqHoJRdH_juUOsCa_0ua6dUinyRt4kTK2IDePBD8891GG0LBvyJ-0uKHlXclf8IIrKxmZEjH6ATlxqo97G9LmARBeN3uoA8nf2YJwGh52U0Z5i/s1600/toy-story-3-woody-buzz-lotso3.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 179px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjD5UhrVgNKtF7cjEDD3aQi7AXqTrxsw7cqHoJRdH_juUOsCa_0ua6dUinyRt4kTK2IDePBD8891GG0LBvyJ-0uKHlXclf8IIrKxmZEjH6ATlxqo97G9LmARBeN3uoA8nf2YJwGh52U0Z5i/s320/toy-story-3-woody-buzz-lotso3.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5559691316621668882" border="0" /></a><br />Until the most recent revisions to my list, this was fittingly number 3, but I realized my top 3 are all interchangable and I like them all just about evenly. Since I like this movie a little bit less than those, it has to get number 4, but that doesn't mean it's not brilliant. Pixar is just on top of their game with every release. Tear Jerkers for adults and adventure films for kids. I loved Lotso Huggin Bear, the antagonist of the movie as well. A perfect ending to a series I grew up with. If this won best picture, I'd be thrilled.<br /><br />3. The Town.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLbMJMmD73z3-fmqkIhcImKgakvvupwmAf2J_hNAed78XoN6FQcBXVxVXoxSkBbeF0ir5FhV22B4a-ttB5p24-pqJ6-i22DFutNHkTJ22EslIcASMsOEbKN8_7nq_0DsS3NuYDg74bbvs_/s1600/thetown_nuns.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 156px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLbMJMmD73z3-fmqkIhcImKgakvvupwmAf2J_hNAed78XoN6FQcBXVxVXoxSkBbeF0ir5FhV22B4a-ttB5p24-pqJ6-i22DFutNHkTJ22EslIcASMsOEbKN8_7nq_0DsS3NuYDg74bbvs_/s320/thetown_nuns.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5559691305983618866" border="0" /></a><br />I really don't know if this is my favorite or 2nd or 3rd. This was a HARD call, but I have to go by entertainment and gut reactions so this is going to have to get the number 3 spot. Amazing that Ben Affleck co-wrote and directed and acted (very well at that) in this local crime movie. It's a lot of fun to watch and while the plot kind of rips of "Heat" a lot of aspects are just as well done, if not better; especially the romantic aspect. Jeremy Renner is pretty great too, and the nun masks were awesome.<br /><br />2. True Grit.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4rtaQTfau3COuN3urxNSHuQiI9yqJsXpHxhKWTcbfcST1iODq8R7ck7fqqMzfnn1bLExZjxe8B9qh7vJiCvGYyC4iyqn9Jblh6HYY3jwwGOGDu7EbtNavEXJy7sPCOPdsnRd5gnppaCjL/s1600/Hailee_Steinfeld_bridges_true_gritRECT.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 170px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4rtaQTfau3COuN3urxNSHuQiI9yqJsXpHxhKWTcbfcST1iODq8R7ck7fqqMzfnn1bLExZjxe8B9qh7vJiCvGYyC4iyqn9Jblh6HYY3jwwGOGDu7EbtNavEXJy7sPCOPdsnRd5gnppaCjL/s320/Hailee_Steinfeld_bridges_true_gritRECT.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5559691305154651938" border="0" /></a><br />I previously said number one, and I may go back to that notion but I loved this movie. The Coen Bros. are always fantastic and quite possibly the most talented directors alive right now with their fantastic pacing and humor. Jeff Bridges, Josh Brolin, Matt Damon and most of all Hallie Steinfeld are oscar worthy in their respective roles and nothing feels over done or out of place. It's traces of Coen humor scattered across a bleak western with a fairly light hearted adventure story. Unlike a lot of the Coen's recent work, I feel like this one will please just about everyone (except my tasteless friends).<br /><br />1. MACHETE.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKTEx6a4Dk6tj4G0FT2EDd-X79jiNH734hYdp_hQEDv1lekhVwDEIae40yNivEW_9JexS83vriH7j5UXYegClefsfYnkRExMLlHyrnuaZoTa6-r8kEo-xD3p3XH7TUOfZ-zOeNX7BwXTv3/s1600/machete-danny-trejo.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKTEx6a4Dk6tj4G0FT2EDd-X79jiNH734hYdp_hQEDv1lekhVwDEIae40yNivEW_9JexS83vriH7j5UXYegClefsfYnkRExMLlHyrnuaZoTa6-r8kEo-xD3p3XH7TUOfZ-zOeNX7BwXTv3/s320/machete-danny-trejo.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5559691123806540850" border="0" /></a><br />A top ten list ultimately comes down to what I personally had the most fun watching and enjoyed the most as a viewer, and watching Machete I was like a kid in a candy shop. This movie appeals to my sensibilities on so many levels: humor, glorified violence and "lame irony". The casting alone is an absurd joke despite strong leads from Danny Trejo and Michelle Rodriguez (forget Jessica Alba) with unexpected great performances from Steven Seagal, Lindsay Lohan, Robert DeNiro, Cheech Martin, and even cameos from the likes of special fx genius Tom Savini. After Grindhouse, the most fun I had at the movies in 2007 I was bloodthirsting for more and Machete delivered. Sure it's not a high concept thinking piece, but what the hell...I bothered to see it FOUR TIMES theatrically. Rodriguez makes the kind of movies that to me as an aspiring filmmaker seem like a ton of fun to work on and the end result just has the cast and audience sitting back and laughing together having a great time.<br /><br />well there you have it. My wordy top ten, but I really put some thought into this list and I hope you enjoyed reading it. Here are my honorable mentions:<br /><br />Jackass<br />Predators<br />The Fighter<br />King Speech<br /><br />and I still want to see Despicable Me, Exit Through the Gift Shop, Blue Valentine and Winter's Bone.Matthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07569099531705786742noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8071230011858741348.post-63713319272787348442011-01-01T23:27:00.001-08:002011-01-02T13:40:38.381-08:00Only the finest of 2010...I'm going to pick the things that I think matter (and repost this shit as a note on facebook) and pick my favorite (since best is sooo subjective lololol) "things" of 2010. I don't think I need much further preface.<br /><br />FAVORITE MOVIE OF 2010:<br />TRUE GRIT.<br />I love it. Sure it's not the most Coen of the Coen Brothers movies, but that doesn't mean there isn't a lot of great things here. Bridges is always fantastic, as is Brolin. Damon gives a pretty good, if annoying at times supporting performance. The real star though is a 14 year old girl, who I'm sure will have a promising acting career in the future. A straight forward story laced with darkness, violence and of course ironic, sick humor; True Grit is really easy to like if you're not viewing it in an overly critical fashion. I was surprised to hear most of the people in America who DIDN'T like it are people who I, sadly, talk to.<br /><br />FAVORITE ACTING PERFORMANCE OF 2010 (in a film):<br />JAMES FRANCO<br />I read one review that described Danny Boyle's newest film "127 hours" as "Kinetic". You know this is bullshit because if you talked to me as soon as I left the theater, I was using the very same word to describe it. It's a raw character drama. In the depths of the canyons, Franco gives a performance that I didn't even know he had in him as he struggles to free himself from a boulder that represents a summation of all his problems in life. In one memorable scene he wakes up broadcasting to his parents how sorry he is for the myriad of problems he's caused in the past, taking different perspectives to question himself like a game show host. Powerful, insantiy driven stuff.<br /><br />FAVORITE TV SHOW OF 2010:<br />BOARDWALK EMPIRE<br />I don't follow alot of shows with a successive plot. I mean I "follow" the Office in the sense that between television and hulu and Netflix instant I've probably seen every episode, but I don't sit down with eager anticipation and a tingling sensation between my legs every week to watch it. (what?) Same goes for Community, a show which really grew on me this year. I don't think I've ever been involved in the plot of a dramatic show this much since the Sopranos ended on HBO until BOARDWALK EMPIRE. Gangsters and prohibition are the theme of the show, but I think I'm drawn to it because it's a genuine freakshow. While Steve Buscemi is awesome as the lead, Atlantic City Treasurer Enoch Thompson, it's really the supporting cast that makes you come back week after week. I found each episode to be like a checklist and I was simply waiting to see my favorite lunatics return to the screen each week; or for new murderers to be introduced into the fold. This show also contained my favorite ACTING performance in a TV show this year...<br /><br />FAVORITE ACTING PERFORMANCE IN A TV SHOW OF 2010:<br />MICHAEL SHANNON AS NELSON VAN ALDEN-BOARDWALK EMPIRE<br />He's so damn good. He's so fucking crazy. He's like the Javert (Les Miserables reference) of the prohibition era, obsessed to bringing Nucky Thompson to justice. Van Alden is the senior prohibition agent responsibile for drying out Atlantic City per his divine right to do so. He kills his partner via drowning him at a makeshift baptism purely out of suspicion in the height of his acting. He's socially awkward, masochistic and downright mad, and his downward spiral of sanity progresses throughout the season making him a totally compelling character to watch and wait for each episode. While TV and movies have to be a separate category, this is easily my favorite character/performance of the year period.<br /><br />FAVORITE ALBUM OF 2010:<br />MY BEAUTIFUL DARK TWISTED FANTASY-KANYE WEST<br />Rarely does a hip-hop album come out where you can instantly tell that it will leave a lasting impression on the rap game and set the bar higher for quality. Just when you've forgotten why you like Kanye, he puts out an album and it reminds us why he IS the king and has a right to wear the crown on his bizarre album artwork. With just about each album he's done, Kanye changes the face of the hip hop industry. If we're going by the sheer number of excellent tracks, I'd go so far as to say this is one of the strongest hip-hop albums of all time thanks to MONSTER (with a FANTASTIC Nicki Minaj verse), Gorgeous (with a hook from Cudi), Hell of A life, All of the Lights, My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, Lost in the World and Blame Game. Rarely do you get that many winners in one, tortured and deeply psychologically flawed bundle of christmas cheer. I think people need to start to realize that Kanye's just an insane musical genius and you have to let him blow off steam once in a while to continue to bring us this quality output.<br /><br />FAVORITE SONG OF 2010:<br />SOME KIND OF NATURE-THE GORILLAZ<br />Seems like a lot of people didn't like Plastic Beach a whole lot, maybe because it's different from the Gorillaz' prior work. That's ok with me, because different is sometimes better. Somehow this weird track featuring Lou Reed has made it to the number one most played song on my iTunes, with over 200 plays this year. I'm sure it won't be making it to any best songs of the year list, which is just fine because I like an original choice that resonates with me. It's got a fantastic beat (which might or might not have been sampled from something) and a very elemental, raw flow to it. It's amazing to me how Lou Reed can simply talk and say nonsensical ramblings about recycling and give it such a melodious quality. Runner up for this category is MONSTER by Kanye.<br /><br />FAVORITE VIDEO GAME OF 2010:<br />CALL OF DUTY: BLACK OPS<br />I play this shit like it's going out of style (which it never will with all the children on x box live). I don't think I need to explain myself further and most people will pick more ...intelligent games..., but COD appeals to my sensibilities on a very visceral level.Matthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07569099531705786742noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8071230011858741348.post-81685641759331728262010-12-17T11:48:00.000-08:002010-12-17T12:18:23.219-08:00Batman: The Animated SeriesI’ve been putting off writing this entry for almost a year.<br /><br /> This is what happens when I have nothing to write about. Step 1 of this process is struggling with that is appropriate to share or not share that’s going on. Step 2 is accepting that it’s too gross to reveal in the format of the blogosphere without turning away readers and step 3 is the Russian wave of communist resistance. Actually Step 3 is writin<br />g about Batman the Animated Series; which has nothing to do with communism; except in the sense that if you don’t think it’s the greatest thing that ever happened to superhero cartoon television I think you’re beyond help. Part of the reason I was putting it off is because I have real passion for the subject, not just in the ironic sense.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_76wS5oXAqeNHjOKlLU45yrnlxso5OFDhdMcfHLjiP5h0GdimpK1gDiM2zkmROVbJAtNGUFQafAjYvet9-f2EyptrbY5O5aO5zkF-M6WxHmoPhZprPWlnmW5DQdEVyGEhcHmtqAUJvO_N/s1600/200px-Batman_the_Animated_Series_logo.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 265px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_76wS5oXAqeNHjOKlLU45yrnlxso5OFDhdMcfHLjiP5h0GdimpK1gDiM2zkmROVbJAtNGUFQafAjYvet9-f2EyptrbY5O5aO5zkF-M6WxHmoPhZprPWlnmW5DQdEVyGEhcHmtqAUJvO_N/s320/200px-Batman_the_Animated_Series_logo.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5551742376641353554" border="0" /></a><br /> I think we’re off to a great start with this one. When I was six years old, I spent my school days waiting to come home and sit down in front of Cartoon Network and watch BATMAN: The ANIMATED SERIES. They made a point to emphasize the fact that it’s not just BATMAN…it’s the goddamn batman cartoon. This was the first time Batman had gotten his OWN show in the hand-drawn (or sweatshop collectively drawn) medium. Sure he had a facet of Super Powers in the 70’s and 80’s and these were partially collected on VHS volumes, but Batman the Animated Series singlehandedly solidified the relevance of many of Batman’s major characters we’re familiar with today and kept Batman in the mainstream as a valid cultural icon despite missteps such as the Schumacher films; which interestingly enough drew a lot of their inspiration and character selection FROM the animated series.<br /><br /> Genius-at-large, Bruce Timm, and physically large genius, Paul Dini were the men responsible for Batman: The Animated Series. The show was a branch off from the then-recent Burton films, 89’ and Batman Returns. Many of established bits of context from the movies were kept in the animated series, such as the Penguin being a mutant with long scraggly hair and the Joker having an alias of “Jack Napier”. Obviously Batman takes place in a multitude of timelines (I don’t know if anyone read Whatever Happened to the Caped Crusader but it was basically the ultimate mindfuck explaining that Bat-Timelines are skewed and irrelevant) and Batman: the Animated Series sort of takes place in some twilight zone 90’s/1940’s reality. Some of the cars are old and yet the topical terrorist threats are very real. Television sets are sometimes in color and sometimes in black and white. It’s the perfect fantastical mix of Batman being put into a unique reality.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirh21Wt8kYG8y8YahSVHnRM5NjTcePR5IZzuGWTDrQGKfAGVDl3qjlpwd4TU59TKO3Gsfe5NzVvu3bWeCWdLx8XgCPDIjR62HgX9dXGcq9VnoMCM2crSbYJwpXlCeWjspuon9NJ4m6sdr1/s1600/The-Riddler-Batman-the-Animated-Series-.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 243px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirh21Wt8kYG8y8YahSVHnRM5NjTcePR5IZzuGWTDrQGKfAGVDl3qjlpwd4TU59TKO3Gsfe5NzVvu3bWeCWdLx8XgCPDIjR62HgX9dXGcq9VnoMCM2crSbYJwpXlCeWjspuon9NJ4m6sdr1/s320/The-Riddler-Batman-the-Animated-Series-.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5551744547947407202" border="0" /></a><br /> Something can be said for the storylines too. They didn't shy back from much violence, and in some cases, I think characters even DIED. Batman never broke his rule of killing though, but that doesn't mean there weren't some incidentals. There were some really touching moments of the series though such as Batman's relationship with this old woman named Leslie, who cared for him when his parents died. Another really great plotline for an episode was the idea that Batman was inspired by his own superhero as a child, the Grey Ghost. Now the Grey Ghost is just a washed up actor whose being blamed for a string of crimes that follow the plot of an old episode of his show. Of course Batman saves him and tells him "You were my hero as a kid". Never have villains been played up so emotionally either, like Clayface who most people hadn't even heard of prior to BTAS. The Two Face origin presented in BTAS is my favorite and you really feel bad for Harvey in his fall from grace.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4-YaE8KQa-y2z3HKnB78Rfn5hi4Pv3dNa6dU9JxgdzgCxxCByPvAU40FeScJCn9Z2ArrVKKiRewmortMrJNtoPFwBc2ZgHHw0nD9l9wcLNs1ngRdiGm0RQGX7dv4zWihpv-91e2h5T_h7/s1600/two_face_piece.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4-YaE8KQa-y2z3HKnB78Rfn5hi4Pv3dNa6dU9JxgdzgCxxCByPvAU40FeScJCn9Z2ArrVKKiRewmortMrJNtoPFwBc2ZgHHw0nD9l9wcLNs1ngRdiGm0RQGX7dv4zWihpv-91e2h5T_h7/s320/two_face_piece.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5551744554197571986" border="0" /></a><br /> Part of the main appeal of the series is the “dark deco” as the term is now called and the angular, simplistic yet totally understandable art style applied to the characters and buildings. Everything is in an exaggerated perspective; but it’s very realistic. While you know you’re watching a cartoon, everything from the facial expressions of beady-eyed civilian characters to the way their suits fit seems extremely relatable to the real world. It’s like if we had rotoscoped (an animation process of tracing over film) the actions and looks of real people using only straight lines. Hard to explain but basically, in a matter of words of less, Batman: The Animated Series taught me how to draw. I owe it one of the greatest workplace distraction tools of my entire life. In fact I don’t know how to draw anything BUT things in the style of BTAS…or more specifically TNBA.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLSFA_jr4jUQfcOGLUm0NznfB57-yzK-tfEZGV9w9RlFiKpZG572PwSCWPgL7ScdKy08mrxGRiybP02oRFfx_stCKTC5cIXlRED2H7vPbjZget9rYDO5zROIPp7PGeXQp2SavBGJKoSKqD/s1600/newbatmanadventurescritters.0108.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLSFA_jr4jUQfcOGLUm0NznfB57-yzK-tfEZGV9w9RlFiKpZG572PwSCWPgL7ScdKy08mrxGRiybP02oRFfx_stCKTC5cIXlRED2H7vPbjZget9rYDO5zROIPp7PGeXQp2SavBGJKoSKqD/s320/newbatmanadventurescritters.0108.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5551742387577192498" border="0" /></a><br /> Though admittedly not as iconic or well known as the Batman: Animated Series basic art, the show went through a stylistic revamp on the 4th season when it teamed up on Warner Brothers and Fox in the mornings with Superman for an adventure hour. This is referred to as THE NEW BATMAN ADVENTURES…or somehow TNBA. Or the new adventures of Batman and Robin? But Batgirl and Nightwing were introduced into the cast this season so it really wasn’t limited to just Robin. I don’t have a clue. I just call it THE NEW ADVENTURES and because it came out at the time I was honing my art style in grade school at the ripe age of 7, I draw everything as simplistically and minimalist as TNBA. The iconic Joker, as voiced to a note of perfection by Mark Hamill now had white dots for eyes set over black beads. Batman himself, ditched the black and yellow classic logo in favor of the one introduced in THE DARK KNIGHT RETURNS by Frank Miller, with a plain black bat over a grey background. Everything was sleek and modernized, including the batmobile. In doing this, the dark deco was refined. Less detail, more sleek and it was now not just a serial cartoon, but a recognizable style of art.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhB_MivaiuKJWrgwjFjOjpo6BPH8jvyRt6TQ-roP3ZaltGR4oqX6R2DUVeUyGQKnc3QFUkbQZmsSVa1FlCch_8yybNiaDbQf8ctGKzp6-G2v-xjBRvf3yytzrQskGw0lEtQDrximSRBbyPq/s1600/batman.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhB_MivaiuKJWrgwjFjOjpo6BPH8jvyRt6TQ-roP3ZaltGR4oqX6R2DUVeUyGQKnc3QFUkbQZmsSVa1FlCch_8yybNiaDbQf8ctGKzp6-G2v-xjBRvf3yytzrQskGw0lEtQDrximSRBbyPq/s320/batman.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5551742385132057954" border="0" /></a><br /> BTAS/TNBA managed to permeate just about every aspect of my life at a young age. I was running around like a fool with a Batman cowl on the sidewalk at age 4 when the early episodes were on and a dog knocked me over and bit me. Rough times…but Batman was there for me. BTAS gave me the promise in my life that no matter what happened, I’d always have the comfort of the Caped Crusader and this rogues gallery to fall back on. Batman Underwear. Batman bubble Baths. Batman fruit snacks. I was, and am presently, unashamed of what became a lifelong obsession with a tortured man who lost his parents and took of crime-fighting. It makes perfect sense to me; and yet in writing this essay and trying to explain it, I’m unable to, much like Harley Quinn can’t really explain her attraction to the Joker.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfYKp8fCGmquyH2dfBTuwAhV-zmGJ2xO5daw6F2xRB6wwDntubmYkCVMhfUuQzR0BX0Bp6nfygUWTJ7GY1MaXoRBLRRhO329BL8tmHbANVF63XhIjslq3mAhCHx5zx6rsnLsClBust6Hld/s1600/batman6.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 193px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfYKp8fCGmquyH2dfBTuwAhV-zmGJ2xO5daw6F2xRB6wwDntubmYkCVMhfUuQzR0BX0Bp6nfygUWTJ7GY1MaXoRBLRRhO329BL8tmHbANVF63XhIjslq3mAhCHx5zx6rsnLsClBust6Hld/s320/batman6.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5551742373237485010" border="0" /></a><br /> Speaking of Harley Quinn, she’s proof of how important BTAS is to the comic book lexicon. She was introduced into the show in an episode entitled The Laughing Fish (the only episode to not feature a title card with a distinctive theme song) and become a valid comic book character and Joker-love interest/sidekick afterwards where she remains today having branched off with her own series. BTAS also resurrected characters who were thought to be absolute jokes and brought them into the spotlight and made them relevant again to the point where they would be featured in films. While Arnold played a pretty campy Mr. Freeze, the only reason he was in the movie to begin with was because of the chilling (lol get it?) emmy-winning (seriously. I didn’t make that up) episode Heart of Ice which features a tortured and broken spirited Victor Fries.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKUHIRZjprU7Mn7cW1HCddQ3ziw02MYhDOp9Qms8v3bAGwgvupgRGz7I4OHgFlMe4AKVf731Kk_Y4HyAA8pIOqBNsLsCQeOPPU6Aw0BUkJdrQjHXWkWTUYxn2FqyHG-XD5FEk8H4L_JDvd/s1600/mrfreeze.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKUHIRZjprU7Mn7cW1HCddQ3ziw02MYhDOp9Qms8v3bAGwgvupgRGz7I4OHgFlMe4AKVf731Kk_Y4HyAA8pIOqBNsLsCQeOPPU6Aw0BUkJdrQjHXWkWTUYxn2FqyHG-XD5FEk8H4L_JDvd/s320/mrfreeze.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5551742390699555122" border="0" /></a><br /> BTAS is really the pinnacle of my constitution as a “nerd”. It’s been there for me. An old standby…like grilled cheese. On days that I’ve been sick, BTAS has been there. On various occasions of Christmas and my birthday, BTAS has been there too. On the shelves of my collectibles and merch …it’s been there several times back and forth. I find that I almost instantly make friends with other fans of the show. One of my best friends I’ve met through a shared appreciation of The Dark Knight and the animated series. Another I met the first week of college when he expressed interest in the subject and we remain friends to this day. About a year ago at this time, I was rewatching the Joker-theme/and or Christmas themed episodes with special someone who has an appreciation for the show as well. Here we are a year later and she’s become more prominent in my life than I’d have guessed at the time. Batman brings people together. This is really the root of the fandom for many who grew up in the 90’s and who even grew up in the 80’s. It’s unquestionably solid material, and it continues to leave an impact on modern comics and batman films today. So there you have it. A love letter to BTAS/TNBA.<br /><br />“I AM VENGEANCE. I AM THE NIGHT. I AM…BATMAN”<br /><br />And now, I'll be posting some drawings I've done on photoshop that are combinations of the BTAS and New Adventures styles. I like the sleek refined look of TNBA...but I prefer the deco of BTAS. So I did my own.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWu4mEiZho-uHg_5BDl9uuJ-Ywf1lMSiqCWl9AcTxAClCKy0QYeQBX243hM8DU0pTmk5pTYMtbU62TTod9-IsQxY8FaZl3zV7oVByKp9ucVpalCMYlbJPyoj3p4sIqHL3YSqEirdGg8W0w/s1600/newtasbatman3.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 158px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWu4mEiZho-uHg_5BDl9uuJ-Ywf1lMSiqCWl9AcTxAClCKy0QYeQBX243hM8DU0pTmk5pTYMtbU62TTod9-IsQxY8FaZl3zV7oVByKp9ucVpalCMYlbJPyoj3p4sIqHL3YSqEirdGg8W0w/s320/newtasbatman3.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5551746240161345202" border="0" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjErCv-Cw2jd6PCsK3H9Vk2HfPjAIJB2xfCMeV53PXmU_8A_J3osJttHprRgVmzb5UA7R2YmgFy7ymQ2S731ipVGOCaRryQfeXPjl7KQ2H_rY6WTpu6bNLOF_hScJm5i31cuhsj2O-EN7GW/s1600/refinedjoker3.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 117px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjErCv-Cw2jd6PCsK3H9Vk2HfPjAIJB2xfCMeV53PXmU_8A_J3osJttHprRgVmzb5UA7R2YmgFy7ymQ2S731ipVGOCaRryQfeXPjl7KQ2H_rY6WTpu6bNLOF_hScJm5i31cuhsj2O-EN7GW/s320/refinedjoker3.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5551746243938126786" border="0" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZi2oAqYyj0zfklcGDYMmfb0DbsaO0yU8oNUopbiPwPuv-04mxzzdesqyIG57SUmNJ_6lx7w2wu53zF8WVn28rLPjLl2o9nVHCSbIU8xA5jAG4lxdrOrT2NS-2AAytxLeYf0VUOQq_fQgU/s1600/newcroc.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 217px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZi2oAqYyj0zfklcGDYMmfb0DbsaO0yU8oNUopbiPwPuv-04mxzzdesqyIG57SUmNJ_6lx7w2wu53zF8WVn28rLPjLl2o9nVHCSbIU8xA5jAG4lxdrOrT2NS-2AAytxLeYf0VUOQq_fQgU/s320/newcroc.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5551744959722159570" border="0" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2s8EtHSDlADjBfYTM6gCtc8oDNg9mEHL-iFcOR4U7tRPS-h692GGGGMql9sxHqLDfbbFjIdso4WoPzevTk3ZQUxxMI_kegtFl1TaD93B_BcSeb8kFY-3OoXOekO_5rT4UzK9XP42AqjhW/s1600/poisonivy.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 101px; height: 298px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2s8EtHSDlADjBfYTM6gCtc8oDNg9mEHL-iFcOR4U7tRPS-h692GGGGMql9sxHqLDfbbFjIdso4WoPzevTk3ZQUxxMI_kegtFl1TaD93B_BcSeb8kFY-3OoXOekO_5rT4UzK9XP42AqjhW/s320/poisonivy.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5551746242557385218" border="0" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwEvc30SSZtPxGyIxCazt0wUSz7XPsryPO0A8pW0q1Yc1S5OO1U55eRSh1lCv9BDzcWvlbt_RfdbN_y9k1OvA2K4mUu1Leh-as1V6W7J9StcnNzeeUeE3yICIxawi2A93gU-H4xs7pUFen/s1600/riddler2.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 108px; height: 309px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwEvc30SSZtPxGyIxCazt0wUSz7XPsryPO0A8pW0q1Yc1S5OO1U55eRSh1lCv9BDzcWvlbt_RfdbN_y9k1OvA2K4mUu1Leh-as1V6W7J9StcnNzeeUeE3yICIxawi2A93gU-H4xs7pUFen/s320/riddler2.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5551746247893384914" border="0" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkxc0epFuXDdsQHbgP0SFV0zmGjX3Gm7GPlhyKlORdZK6O6grdOsDcmJ9Etbn56RHbHjnGOAJsLLSK3QmkI0Cb7fAxIbideqjJPE9dlsaaPi2oWS4smK-CR_5jFbDHiPIiEyXuGuOg2TAc/s1600/newfreeze2.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 139px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkxc0epFuXDdsQHbgP0SFV0zmGjX3Gm7GPlhyKlORdZK6O6grdOsDcmJ9Etbn56RHbHjnGOAJsLLSK3QmkI0Cb7fAxIbideqjJPE9dlsaaPi2oWS4smK-CR_5jFbDHiPIiEyXuGuOg2TAc/s320/newfreeze2.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5551744959738181570" border="0" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkRTtfmROVCepwKljNCwCZrsoltumofsQnZ1Wt5iYjEYsnncxqomS4ly88QLWizXDw_G0waA1PY4mY7QJO6NK8IghzSl7Qnt4Da1NVWEJt8XkKwCwC5xfsPM-5qOU1jJ587NvgbRy550g8/s1600/madhatter.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 124px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkRTtfmROVCepwKljNCwCZrsoltumofsQnZ1Wt5iYjEYsnncxqomS4ly88QLWizXDw_G0waA1PY4mY7QJO6NK8IghzSl7Qnt4Da1NVWEJt8XkKwCwC5xfsPM-5qOU1jJ587NvgbRy550g8/s320/madhatter.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5551744952645153874" border="0" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQJm8x_vPbDnUK-dljZvcvgO3HKo1Z3BNNj7mvGlGBGPcvEC9ETd4q4k9JFQqPBcxXHCSvNqOH_uMJINguOuBm4av2GmmfDbmNfV_cvFY_w-sozJarfxaHz3X9nDdfzBZ8MZ3Io64qRbwr/s1600/newclayface.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 288px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQJm8x_vPbDnUK-dljZvcvgO3HKo1Z3BNNj7mvGlGBGPcvEC9ETd4q4k9JFQqPBcxXHCSvNqOH_uMJINguOuBm4av2GmmfDbmNfV_cvFY_w-sozJarfxaHz3X9nDdfzBZ8MZ3Io64qRbwr/s320/newclayface.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5551744953443665874" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiN250-lxdribK0DRPdmeX4TuoksaGXCh3cZqfQ0tEqOoyJprutYzf4ZIpucph8MTTMqxdeF4NysZYkyh-eP2w5NCbD7VSUcyHZzSNcv1bJp3OOLyAs_l8RF2zPOu-oDoeJoyYhu-tXbbW5/s1600/catwoman.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 117px; height: 316px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiN250-lxdribK0DRPdmeX4TuoksaGXCh3cZqfQ0tEqOoyJprutYzf4ZIpucph8MTTMqxdeF4NysZYkyh-eP2w5NCbD7VSUcyHZzSNcv1bJp3OOLyAs_l8RF2zPOu-oDoeJoyYhu-tXbbW5/s320/catwoman.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5551744945646747634" border="0" /></a>Matthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07569099531705786742noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8071230011858741348.post-38114196128384002332010-12-13T14:02:00.000-08:002010-12-13T14:21:30.585-08:00My very own OFFICIAL HOLIDAY LIST!!! (I'm such a nerd)I'll admit I've been saving up things to say for this one. It seems like I'm just brimming with my own unique facets of craziness which must be expressed in the form of holiday blogs.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYmOZ8TpWRzNPx-qYDS60cHzuG7kvcITFpoPIwnZlFdHrCSQkFfLye8Zg93GN7E-Pp2Fo1JR5_HFqdvBfFGmRWfSCoTU13mYvQf8FoqyBiDN8l30XESeKwz1ZBeYbrzxqXgnnMXagOOrw6/s1600/Photo133.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYmOZ8TpWRzNPx-qYDS60cHzuG7kvcITFpoPIwnZlFdHrCSQkFfLye8Zg93GN7E-Pp2Fo1JR5_HFqdvBfFGmRWfSCoTU13mYvQf8FoqyBiDN8l30XESeKwz1ZBeYbrzxqXgnnMXagOOrw6/s320/Photo133.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5550291045030262770" border="0" /></a><br />LOOKIT ALL DIS CHRISTMAS SHIT! First it was white out MTN Dew…and now I’ve taken a trip to Dunkin Donuts yielding RED ASS donuts. I don’t know what it is that’s so good about red icing, but it has a certain chalky, tangible consistency that’s rarely found in icing of other colors. I appreciate it. I also appreciate how long and widespread this promotion has been. I’ve found these at MULTIPLE Dunkin locations now, being flanked by the gingerbread donut. The gingerbread flavoring in this one is convincing, though I think the caked on frosting helps. A note about frosting: The more dry and plastic in consistency it is, the better it is. I can’t stand it when shit gets on my hands and when it gets greasy. Even if I do hold my donuts with napkins, It’s just an unpleasant experience smattering your face in donut…grease. Makes you feel hot and sweaty and disgusting. I can’t even talk about this anymore. Let’s talk about something else disgusting…(as I’m coming down from a nauseating “Bolocoma”….<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMHLB3tuUOIoYNV8CNPGyMt2WZbtoVX-HRvixMgTNP5TooXdPQP1k8cQ8-cWcg3Wd-DXxv35eKyD-micdP5_TyS9NavxGIhFgiD1PlsdIywL1RRbBDnBQdRMe2HUgpXMjdN-0ilhI1SsbK/s1600/Photo142.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMHLB3tuUOIoYNV8CNPGyMt2WZbtoVX-HRvixMgTNP5TooXdPQP1k8cQ8-cWcg3Wd-DXxv35eKyD-micdP5_TyS9NavxGIhFgiD1PlsdIywL1RRbBDnBQdRMe2HUgpXMjdN-0ilhI1SsbK/s320/Photo142.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5550291593594213634" border="0" /></a><br /> Mcrib is back. El Sabor or something the sign says en espanol. For only 4.50 (Tax included) you can now get the porklet sandwhich, fries, a drank and a FREE apple pie. I imagine, due to the hand printed out signs, that this is not a nation-wide promotion. Either way, I was feeling the Christmas cheer. It’s the season of getting. I don’t know when the Mcrib will actually be gone for good, but I shall not mourn it given the enormously long span of time in which it’s been available to us now. I think I’ve had about 4 of them in this time period though, and they’ve been getting increasingly less impressive.<br /><br />We actually have a lot to be thankful for this holiday season…and a lot to look forward to. I’m going to now rattle off my official CHRISTMAS LIST! A top ten things I want or ten things I’m looking forward to that are pretty cool stories…bro. I guess this is really a nerdy/trendy Christmas list more than anything, but it’s basically the driving reasons to be alive during the winter months.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuqAaBYRGNa2zcrx55bTee_Pq2HB_4_BsRzgHi1LihNsau1MwBVJztKnYQ-mo2ieBXwLpaJMmqGD7cG0bzZyj77XyjoflYFdmGzPdYKpStCRwwwThsV7rjGeIhlpZ37HnOsbB4xibXowfC/s1600/tron2.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 155px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuqAaBYRGNa2zcrx55bTee_Pq2HB_4_BsRzgHi1LihNsau1MwBVJztKnYQ-mo2ieBXwLpaJMmqGD7cG0bzZyj77XyjoflYFdmGzPdYKpStCRwwwThsV7rjGeIhlpZ37HnOsbB4xibXowfC/s320/tron2.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5550294157385621922" border="0" /></a><br /><br />1. TRON! Coming out this week is the new super sleek astroglide movie TRON with Jeff Bridges. Hopefully it has nothing to do with the original TRON, which sucks a fat one. It looks like nonsensical fun with visual wonder.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRNbEHAL4pN1qg91OmvcZzxp3WIP0nIDcEcgkmHRqEDexLvLws-ts83IHprBJSXgXoKCZ3cTq6hdcWLiUP_y44fA0Yxo18qBDsIymee2DKia42wVrJG1NXDdY7QwsZPVz_H4pKZd4aDG_4/s1600/NE2atOlIpvip56_1_1.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 237px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRNbEHAL4pN1qg91OmvcZzxp3WIP0nIDcEcgkmHRqEDexLvLws-ts83IHprBJSXgXoKCZ3cTq6hdcWLiUP_y44fA0Yxo18qBDsIymee2DKia42wVrJG1NXDdY7QwsZPVz_H4pKZd4aDG_4/s320/NE2atOlIpvip56_1_1.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5550293213031151602" border="0" /></a><br />2. THE TOWN on Blu Ray. So apparently, Ben Affleck’s new movie THE TOWN comes out this week on blu ray (to relatively little hype) with an EXTENDED cut that makes the movie half an hour longer. I don’t know about you but I can’t wait to see some of that. This was easily one of my favorite movies this year so I’m eager of course, to see more of it.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJF5BSd3G-uQSjj_ltJUZ8Pnr4EIee7-iQwM1JAaiFtIy2vA59QgLWrcOdKIwRLtFC-jUjwq2Cc38PFvV1KLKa1GXx4WNXs1VlH2GYkUWxNuBVBRSERj3kKsA8d07lIM4IJ1L7puYZMN8u/s1600/tron1-260x260.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 260px; height: 260px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJF5BSd3G-uQSjj_ltJUZ8Pnr4EIee7-iQwM1JAaiFtIy2vA59QgLWrcOdKIwRLtFC-jUjwq2Cc38PFvV1KLKa1GXx4WNXs1VlH2GYkUWxNuBVBRSERj3kKsA8d07lIM4IJ1L7puYZMN8u/s320/tron1-260x260.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5550294141860348978" border="0" /></a><br />3. The Tron Soundtrack…by DAFT PUNK. While I already mentioned the hype for TRON itself, I don’t think I mentioned how damn cool the soundtrack is, which was made by the electronica band, DAFT PUNK. One of the tracks (Track 2, the grid) features Jeff Bridges talking over images of lightcycles and crazy shit flying through the computer screens.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimsBQ7at0NrChpaFjpvk8zoK4Bbr8HxP6yfTG5OVeSilw8JPQqbSSXoqrMdcbW5MLAL3rnqOo682wYCI5xKl_YtE4M2hrTHYmkAelXT_fOIRjiQBn-lHQVQvpJoN3vVuUCmPMiyd3nzOm-/s1600/batman+returns.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimsBQ7at0NrChpaFjpvk8zoK4Bbr8HxP6yfTG5OVeSilw8JPQqbSSXoqrMdcbW5MLAL3rnqOo682wYCI5xKl_YtE4M2hrTHYmkAelXT_fOIRjiQBn-lHQVQvpJoN3vVuUCmPMiyd3nzOm-/s320/batman+returns.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5550293198322626290" border="0" /></a><br />4. BATMAN RETURNS-THE EXTENDED SOUNDTRACK. This is something that’s REALLY important to me, possibly more so than most of the things on this list purely because I’ve been waiting so long for it. The simple fact that I have it though, makes it a little harder to be excited for, like the TRON soundtrack. I’ve always believed this to be Danny Elfman’s best score so this is really a treat getting to hear alternate cues and extended tracks from the score that I’ve been familiarizing myself with since the mid 90’s on cassette tape.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiekpQvwNGkg6Gpi3PA1jF-pVsIPbQdhkCkLT_mRM4dU3ExezFK6v5nkF5qt_YTagoxr-N1WxfzX4ru2QZTx934gM0KzMuQfXdSzQLof7ui1rT3J15FhAEQU-aJcpwiz3ycpCgCR0W9Uu9Y/s1600/chrimbus1.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 286px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiekpQvwNGkg6Gpi3PA1jF-pVsIPbQdhkCkLT_mRM4dU3ExezFK6v5nkF5qt_YTagoxr-N1WxfzX4ru2QZTx934gM0KzMuQfXdSzQLof7ui1rT3J15FhAEQU-aJcpwiz3ycpCgCR0W9Uu9Y/s320/chrimbus1.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5550293188658839058" border="0" /></a><br />5. The Tim and Eric Awesome Show Great Job Chrimbus Special. Oh I love Tim and Eric. Their sense of ironically lame humor is highly relevant to my interests. Needless to say, the Chrimbus special now on itunes) improves just about every time I watch the damn thing. It’s been a long, difficult summer and fall without Tim and Eric since the final season of the show ended. Hopefully the Chrimbus special will be a yearly thing and is a sign of more lolz to come.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghJh-qq-V3SfkR1EkFYUxVK7WTEdV2ZBNCfR9xMLNcuoFhLHzMRpMTKxB7g4GTsXsekVSq4iFdzx2I1z-qMlSe6nRJ8RGhvvhfT_KiZ-SGnQ7iL92Kg-mXmPm08PHoGjysIIGY4w05ddQU/s1600/rocky-horror-blu-ray-cover.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 300px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghJh-qq-V3SfkR1EkFYUxVK7WTEdV2ZBNCfR9xMLNcuoFhLHzMRpMTKxB7g4GTsXsekVSq4iFdzx2I1z-qMlSe6nRJ8RGhvvhfT_KiZ-SGnQ7iL92Kg-mXmPm08PHoGjysIIGY4w05ddQU/s320/rocky-horror-blu-ray-cover.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5550294151080489042" border="0" /></a><br /><br />6. Rocky Horror Picture Show Anniversary Blu Ray. Rocky Horror has been a struggle to get on DVD or blu ray of any kind, but now that it’s finally been transferred, and the transsexual movie is finally on shelves at Walmart and Target, it’s much more attainable. I haven’t broke down and bought this one yet, but hopefully someone gets the hint and picks it up for me…EITHER THAT OR I WASTE MY OWN MONEY ON IT.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQS205LnR3Pra7e_g2CP38OA2qX4yIqhpU_hjYvAFhWf9y19dWeoC4fbSzKyg2QJluuEuuTYKM2Aa8wnKnpdojZ_yIDGAMueohi29enTOKsfFZyoaYc11ea6M5X6mXQqMeqsyWuShkZ99W/s1600/SW+ROTJ+Admiral+Ackbar.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 222px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQS205LnR3Pra7e_g2CP38OA2qX4yIqhpU_hjYvAFhWf9y19dWeoC4fbSzKyg2QJluuEuuTYKM2Aa8wnKnpdojZ_yIDGAMueohi29enTOKsfFZyoaYc11ea6M5X6mXQqMeqsyWuShkZ99W/s320/SW+ROTJ+Admiral+Ackbar.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5550294139110237218" border="0" /></a><br /><br />7. Admiral Ackbar…the action figure. IT’S A TRAP! No…no it’s not. Instead it’s the best toy version of Admiral Ackbar yet. Highly worthy of purchase, especially at the relatively low exchange rate of currency for fishman of $7 at your local retailer. He comes in the traditional 1980’s style packaging as well to boot. But it’d be a crime to leave Admiral Ackbar in the box when there’s so many lolz to be made. I already have mine. WHERES YOURS? <a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhT_wX1ffcCbpPdSQAEY0QaLgLnvLnGSmui0EX6xS_5WlifnwhgU4qcSNquZxIZQhVFixCCaQKR0G1538pKht0tflo7d8c_o04Aj6HeutNvaxKndnn_VoMnY1Ado8nyo0-ZNy_MaACUE9kF/s1600/Machete-Blu-ray-Cover-Art.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 261px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhT_wX1ffcCbpPdSQAEY0QaLgLnvLnGSmui0EX6xS_5WlifnwhgU4qcSNquZxIZQhVFixCCaQKR0G1538pKht0tflo7d8c_o04Aj6HeutNvaxKndnn_VoMnY1Ado8nyo0-ZNy_MaACUE9kF/s320/Machete-Blu-ray-Cover-Art.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5550293194627113570" border="0" /></a><br />8. Machete on Blu Ray. While this one is more of a New Years present, Machete complete with cooking lessons from Robert Rodriguez, behind the scenes, and all the extras you can shake a blade at, will be out January 3rd. You can bet your ass I’m excited for this release and I’ll be picking it up regardless of circumstance the day it comes out. Hopefully I’m not too broke from dumping money into all the rest of this stuff by the time it comes out.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgy0184D-4xNqMlDkPOcp5ZwL_-IBWB9h-JgJvZyHoj8zKYqACFk0-v8mJYmJR4HqJZmj-r-N_lNW55GffDc-kDxOhysMyUC-Frudf0csCGV7DhsEMO9BEKjJEDX-UPJuu7g8EEbIRHIW97/s1600/true_grit_poster1.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 216px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgy0184D-4xNqMlDkPOcp5ZwL_-IBWB9h-JgJvZyHoj8zKYqACFk0-v8mJYmJR4HqJZmj-r-N_lNW55GffDc-kDxOhysMyUC-Frudf0csCGV7DhsEMO9BEKjJEDX-UPJuu7g8EEbIRHIW97/s320/true_grit_poster1.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5550293209574740706" border="0" /></a><br />9. TRUE GRIT. Coen Brothers. Bridges. Johnny Cash. Epic Little girl. Brolin. Damon. Amazing. That’s about all I have to say. We’re less than a week from GODDAMN TRUE GRIT, which is my most anticipated film of the entire year, and it comes out just a couple days before the year ends. What could possibly outrank this in terms of importance you ask?<br /><br />10. GOOD WILL TOWARDS MEN. And a merry christmahanukwanzika to everyone. Are you JUDGING me for not being able to think of ten reasons to be alive? A joyous holiday season to you all. Eat shit and die.Matthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07569099531705786742noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8071230011858741348.post-52147637416588159112010-12-09T02:16:00.001-08:002010-12-25T00:36:01.996-08:00OH DAMN THATS SOME GOOD SHIT OH DAMN: WINTER MOUNTAIN DEWHoly shitfuck a CHRISTMAS MIRACLE! The first of the season. It’s funny how fate vomits things in your lap at your lowest and most desperate moments of despair. I was literally just in class writing a meaningful blog post about BATMAN: The Animated Series, a subject which I care about in a non-ironic sense. I started to half-heartedly begin my blog by complaining that there’s a lack of topical subjects to write about. I mean after all, it’s the season of CVS raids and good tidings, and I don’t have any sort of holiday themed bullshit to rant about how great it is. Maybe I’m just not feeling it this year. Anyways, there I was taking a trip to the C store to find some kind of drink to placate me in my daily lack of nutrition. I still had some residual Reeses pieces in my backpack (you’re reading first hand an admission of my hedonistic existence) to tied me over from a physical comestible perspective. I found some Lime Crush, which you probably don’t remember me reviewing a couple months back when I was enjoying life. I got to the counter and presented it to the overlord of the C Store when I saw it. It was a white liquid. Blue label. Winter themed. Dues Ex Machina Mtn. Dew. Mountain Dew White Out.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhryVEx61IzOo6RPeTS2E9Su7qTf857kbVI30flWPJKAWMFY7OPwnHN-MhJzdA1AS4dwYnvcym_0G6QgVVXnzywlM92X_EzZVtBiIlLKU04ELl8OKmlJfIrid3aRWQEDbhPbRxrW3dCnVfl/s1600/Photo134.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhryVEx61IzOo6RPeTS2E9Su7qTf857kbVI30flWPJKAWMFY7OPwnHN-MhJzdA1AS4dwYnvcym_0G6QgVVXnzywlM92X_EzZVtBiIlLKU04ELl8OKmlJfIrid3aRWQEDbhPbRxrW3dCnVfl/s320/Photo134.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5548624537332015874" border="0" /></a><br /> I’m not a fan of the Dew. It’s too caffeinated and it looks like green piss to me. It took some cajones forcing myself to buy some new flavor of mountain dew just because the bottle stated it was indoctrinated as permanent product due to a “Dewmacratic process”. It promised me that sometime last year or so, thousands of people actually bothered to go online and cast a vote for this flavor of Mountain Dew because they believed it was that good of shit. Seriously…how fucking awesome can a food or beverage be that you have to bother to go online and document your experiences with eating it? Oh wait. I guess I’m kind of an exception. But I do it from an ironic perspective. Half of this blog is hyperbole. This my friends, is the first food product written up here that I can officially endorse. As soon as I had my first sip I had formed my decision.<br /><br /> Oh damn. That’s some good shit. Oh damn. I haven’t used this loving phrase in a long time for ANYTHING. Keep in mind this ain’t no colloquialism of mine and I don’t toss it around lightly. Oh Damn That’s some Good Shit (ODTSGS) means that the product I’m referring to is life-changing and mind numbingly fucking awesome. Not only did slurping down this white stuff ramp me up with energy but it also tasted great. Read that sentence back to yourself and see if it makes you giggle.<br /><br /> I like the artic. I like glacial properties. Blue, idealized, fictional summits of ice, where penguins from Mario slide down the tops of cheerful moonlit slopes and party in fountains of youth to Lil Jon and the Eastside Boyz all night. Polar Bears are drowning themselves in Coca Cola like Bacchus. The maritime varmit I presently spoke of in my review of the KFC Double Down are emerging from waters gargling with purple frigorific Gatorade flavors. Remember, how people were wary of the turquoise Gatorade before it became racially accepted as part of the mainstream line of Gatorades? It was previously part of Gatorade FROST. I was on cloud 9, huffing Vicks vapo-rub in my bedroom with the air conditioner blasting dust mites into my face against my mom and the surgeon-general’s warnings slurping down some fuckin GATORADE FROST. Now I’m a man. And man has needs. And I need my ferocious thirst quenched in a manly manner with Artic themed shit whored out all over the bottle. Mountain Dew White Out. I shall buy it again and again. Starting tomorrow.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFFYeb-Xka6-0T89xn4cDGaEGsyAl4KPrortwYmvjc5ZN7WRRmo7kMnItUvMQcJVX5SfY1RX8UfLC51_28C9So9l6FW-6pdtlRDmjf6334b1ZUhzDYHzhj9OE02BWGxRzT858aKwnHC2EZ/s1600/Photo+104.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFFYeb-Xka6-0T89xn4cDGaEGsyAl4KPrortwYmvjc5ZN7WRRmo7kMnItUvMQcJVX5SfY1RX8UfLC51_28C9So9l6FW-6pdtlRDmjf6334b1ZUhzDYHzhj9OE02BWGxRzT858aKwnHC2EZ/s320/Photo+104.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5548624637902375666" border="0" /></a>And if you still remain unconvinced, that is a picture of me unable to pull the bottle off my fucking mouth IN journalism class where we are NOT allowed to have food, as so decreed by a sign on the door in fear of spillage on precious equipment that never works up to modern technological standards.Matthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07569099531705786742noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8071230011858741348.post-2032994275026483492010-11-23T02:21:00.000-08:002010-11-23T20:52:06.443-08:00Take a walk on the wild side.<span style="font-style: italic;">"Events with odds against so astronomical they're effectively impossible, like oxygen spontaneously becoming gold. I long to observe such a thing. And yet, in each human coupling, a thousand million sperm vie for a single egg. Multiply those odds by countless generations, against the odds of your ancestors being alive; meeting; siring this precise son; that exact daughter... Until your mother loves a man she has every reason to hate, and of that union, of the thousand million children competing for fertilization, it was you, only you, that emerged. To distill so specific a form from that chaos of improbability, like turning air to gold..."</span> -Dr. Manhattan<br /><br />When I was in 5th or 6th grade I was given a class project to depict a truthful event from my life with some sort of illustration. I can’t recall the other sorts of philistine delineations the other kids in the class came up with and got “A’s” for but what I do specifically remember was being faced with a school district psychologist.<br /><br /> He held up the light brown eco-friendly (which is ironically expensive) paper on which I’d made my manifesto of artistic statement asked me if I was bad. “Do you feel threatened?” he said. A parent/teacher conference occurred slightly afterwards. My mom of course was incredulous as anyone as to why I’d depict a team of zombified surgeons beating a cartoonish doppleganger of myself to pieces for my class project. I'd tried to calmly explain that the year prior I'd fallen and broken my arm and had my first traumatic trip to the hospital. Sister Marie Christine, the high priestess at Sacred Heart Catholic Academy, who had slightly too much facial hair seemed concerned enough to make her aware and then to my horror, open up my desk and go through the contents at an ignominious after-school meeting.<br /><br /> I remember she dropped some of the papers on the floor out of shock. I knew I’d been creating contraband a mile a minute but it was pretty amusing to see the degree to which I’d offended the censors at a young age. Drawings of the killer from scream with a bloody knife. Ironic stick figure cartoons depicting wanton violence. Pretty childish material, but even she couldn’t deny I’d put more detail into my work than the standard issue student. I was pretty proud of myself; and I kept repeating how “good” the drawings were the whole ride home to calm my mother’s tirade. Naturally the nuns came to fear me as a violent psychopath and a pariah until my dad re-framed a crudely painted portrait of Jesus Christ which I assume had gotten bored from the lectures on contraception and leapt from the wall. I don’t think I ever related to the ways of Christ more at my time spent in Catholic School than when I was carrying the enormous, cheaply painted visage of Jesus over my back and bringing it before the overseer of nuns.<br /><br /> Without realizing it, at a young age, I was starting to see art as an expression of pain. In a broader sense; art is a product of affliction and I think I’ve realized how beautiful it is that people are really coming to terms with this more and more in mainstream culture.<br /><br /> Kanye West offended everyone with his infamous “Imma let you finish” bit, but it wasn’t until I saw his frantic, jaunty tweets on an almost daily basis raging about the nature of true fans and his depths of depression that it was possible for me to see why he did it. The man is troubled. Perhaps insane even; but like a phoenix his music takes off from that with a life of its own and gives the world a chance to love him. And he's not the only person out there crying out his ramblings in fancy packaging just so he can get a hug.<br /><br /> Back in the 90’s, the term “the struggle” was often used for the narrative messages depicted in hip hop music. This referred to getting paid and hustling your way through the projects to earn your stripes as a man of true grit. I feel like in the modern scope of creativity now, we’ve reached an appreciation for depression. We come to expect it so that in the quietest corners of our mind, we’re watching tiny movies of ourselves in the shoes of the weary and the famous. It’s leading to something of a renaissance of depression. Releasing the pain through individualistic expression is easing the pain. <br /><br /> I swore when I finished poetry class after my junior year of high school, and three agonizing years of churning out poems with no thought in them that I would never write a poem again. I’d been forced for years to string together words with no meaning to further develop myself as an artist for the censors. I don’t think a single poem I ever created in that span of time really meant something that was original or had any sort of lasting merit that contributed to the creative collective or that could be read in with pride at any sort of hipster coffee and literature gathering. The point is you can’t rush art and you’re usually better at things when you simply give yourself and no one else. This metamorphic process continues to happen spontaneously and beautifully of it’s own accord. Songs and poems and films are full of flaws, but like people they’re flaws that we can appreciate and we can get a better sense of appreciation of the artist behind the screen reading too much into the psychosis. I’m reminded suddenly of a desperate boy holding up a boombox blasting Jefferson Airplane out the window of his sweetheart because he doesn’t know how else to tell her what he’s feeling. These “crazy artists” will gain a sense of worth when the rest of us feed off their depression and relate to it. In celebration of feeling sad, there’s comfort. And this will continue. Good music will continue to be produced. People will sing songs about how they lost each other, or attempt to articulate how much they want to be with each other but they’re too fucking stupid to say it in spoken English. Amazing portraits of amazing people will continue to be created in the wrong color schemes with all the flaws and inaccuracies of the people they represent. Violence will be shown on screens for our amusement and distill the grandeur of real war and the intensity of sliding .44 caliber bullets into a clip in the heat of the moment that ends or begins your life as you know it. I’ve spent my life in worry. Every action that I make is a function of nervosa. Self re-assurance. Self defiance. Self-depreciation. As a child I had to sleep with rubber gloves because when I found out about the concept of germs I washed my hands until they bled anytime I clenched them into a fist. When you're sad, draw me a picture of a house on fire. I'll know what it means and I'll know it's the right time to put my arm around you. Right now taking solace in the artistic movement and the promise of good sights and sounds to come, for a brief moment in my life, however, I’m not worried at all.<br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WZ88oTITMoM"><br />Take a walk on the wild side.</a>Matthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07569099531705786742noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8071230011858741348.post-69566744358757195562010-11-14T20:25:00.001-08:002010-11-14T20:37:37.073-08:00a love letter to Nightmare Before ChristmasThis isn't my best work blogging. I'm a big disgruntled today.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizINixIqIlf-GTyq0DovWdGuBXddsnZ3Vc-DvnbxkFFsPbYnkswK2vtckkNrFToqnaLt2yJeT_9zQG0juPGOlIyj-SeWwP78O_oL2jDOiCuhFKOIubvNv-UJWq690CoMIk2zGYSYVwKFsC/s1600/nightmare-before-christmas-moon.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizINixIqIlf-GTyq0DovWdGuBXddsnZ3Vc-DvnbxkFFsPbYnkswK2vtckkNrFToqnaLt2yJeT_9zQG0juPGOlIyj-SeWwP78O_oL2jDOiCuhFKOIubvNv-UJWq690CoMIk2zGYSYVwKFsC/s320/nightmare-before-christmas-moon.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5539630331119945810" border="0" /></a><br />I kind of pulled this one out of my ass. When you’re stuck with an unproductive day, what better to fill your time with than blogging? I’ve been deliberating for a while now with changing the title of the blog yet again. I simply haven’t been doing much that celebrates the 90’s (hence 90s rocks). Not that I care much about keeping form (variety is the spice of life after all) but while pouring over pointless google searches trying to wrestle myself from the depths of depression I got in the mood to verbally caress an old childhood favorite. That came out a lot dirtier than I anticipated.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7kX42L65_SFjWBO3loFfLDmHW3gs8PNbseOhyphenhyphenSfQxfyXn4y0r66ao82o9WJboBNrz-3AM6GJlPGPmdhum3rxKSiMPSKDsdht4Mv0Ih7U6AfeNR3vvgB3M2DomptcJA4H0QS34WG6pG8a5/s1600/Nightmare-Before-Christmas-nightmare-before-christmas-494173_800_494.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 198px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7kX42L65_SFjWBO3loFfLDmHW3gs8PNbseOhyphenhyphenSfQxfyXn4y0r66ao82o9WJboBNrz-3AM6GJlPGPmdhum3rxKSiMPSKDsdht4Mv0Ih7U6AfeNR3vvgB3M2DomptcJA4H0QS34WG6pG8a5/s320/Nightmare-Before-Christmas-nightmare-before-christmas-494173_800_494.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5539630423508295730" border="0" /></a><br /> Tim Burton has done a healthy mixture of good and bad, though perhaps my favorite “Burton” film growing up was a little “claymation” movie called The Nightmare Before Christmas. I put Burton’s name in quotes because he didn’t actually direct this movie, Henry Selick did. With the same amount of visual style and pizzazz and the inspiration from a Gaiman book, Selick went on years later to make Coraline, which I loved. Sadly, if Nightmare was made now, the charm and novelty of the stop motion would be lost to a total CGI outing that pixar would never touch and it would most likely fall into the hands of Dreamworks or something. But why even discuss it? This movie would NEVER be made now. Studios have some form of control over Burton at this point when shit piles like Alice in Wonderland rake in the big box office gold. This is something actually for its time, NEW and inspired. There will never be another like it. Anyways, why am I wasting time talking about studios stifling creativity and getting technical about it? This is a movie filled with childlike wonder and creativity that should be given more affectionate terms.<br /><br /> Like every other kid who wasn’t a loser in the 90’s apparently, I grew up with a VHS tape of Nightmare Before Christmas distributed by Touchstone pictures. I’m sure we all remember too well the touch stone animated logo that preceded the opening musical number after the “and now our feature presentation” that most Disney VHS tapes had back in the day. I watched this on a regular basis and sought out toys, Halloween costumes and the assorted, as Jack Skellington calls it, “Brick A brack” to celebrate my undying passion for this movie. Later in life, I realized that I WASN’T the only only person who gave a shit about this movie. Around age 13 or 14 I saw all kinds of goths wearing nightmare crap ranging from tote bags to socks. It had become a cult classic. The cult followers and target audience were kids ranging from age 12 to 18. As we get older, so does Nightmare, and I have a hard time seeing how it can be continued to be spread to future generations with the advent of total CGI films. It’s there for our appreciation. Much like the Toy Story series and Harry Potter…which I feel a personal connection with growing up with them. The main difference is EVERYONE knows Toy Story and Harry Potter. This was MY shit growing up. It was only later that I befriended a bunch of hipsters that I realized a lot of people cared about Nightmare.<br /><br /> So what’s so good about it? If you don’t already know what’s good about Nightmare or if you haven’t found some kind of personal appeal by now, you’re probably not going to. The premise is stupid and I’ll admit that off the bat. It’s pulled off marvelously though, to a point where a child wouldn’t question it for a second. Basically Jack Skellington is an organizer of the holiday of Halloween and he gets bored of doing his job and decides to attempt to recreate Christmas. He fucks it up horribly and the lesson learned is that we should leave Christmas to the professionals, aka Sandy Claws. There’s a lot to love here, from iconic characters to a fantastic musical score provided by Danny Elfman.<br /><br /> Elfman is one of the prime reasons to love Nightmare. The frontman of Oingo Boingo, the 80’s alternative band (and BECAUSE of this film I sought the band out and it became one of my favorite bands of all time) and one of the most well prominent composers of film scores today. The score for this movie is really good, and it’s got some really memorable musical numbers ranging from “This is Halloween” to “What’s This” to the sort of bluesy “Oogie Boogie’s song”. In recent years I’ve come to appreciate two of the less popular tracks in particular, “Poor Jack” and “Jack’s Obsession”. Elfman actually sings the voice of Jack, even though he’s not the speaking voice. If you want something similar to this outside of Oingo Boingo, he uses a similar voice for his character in Corpse Bride for the song “Remains of the Day”.<br />Nightmare is really a feat in stop motion, and probably the most well known foray into the sub genre of filmmaking. It’s a shame we don’t see too much like this in recent movies, but when we do we’ll complain about it and call it hipster trash. For these reasons, it’s irreplaceable. Now I just need that rubber oogie boogie figure from my childhood that I never got that you can stuff with bugs…<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj98oXB4ulgmXFAjp9ZnB8HoOsgKluzVHXlrJbBkfnPQOEA2IHJbr-Pbj8qqO8KPUI4ict-cdEMMbCKoM9zUMMkwcgIo4xzDtmAyMFTw_aix-zQdKjR3VwI8yCJvIzEx_S_UtnEVxc8eqHf/s1600/oogieboogie.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 266px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj98oXB4ulgmXFAjp9ZnB8HoOsgKluzVHXlrJbBkfnPQOEA2IHJbr-Pbj8qqO8KPUI4ict-cdEMMbCKoM9zUMMkwcgIo4xzDtmAyMFTw_aix-zQdKjR3VwI8yCJvIzEx_S_UtnEVxc8eqHf/s320/oogieboogie.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5539630501638786738" border="0" /></a><br />To finish up the entry and prove how passionate I am about the subject I’ll just show off some pics of my Nightmare Merch. Yeah that’s an autograph from the recently passed-away Glenn Shadix, who voiced the mayor.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgK8__Z-LwgRr2eILMse19AX-HjfcKJTiJR5aZNyyeL41xX4pchWPjuznaowCMLcrYcds1lXq6K04bgVxeCLpMoqQSo-UWKZH4RPF21yiBxkkubauTGcnO6QmFYGq_ZFdYOP7JExxxGc9pS/s1600/marvelu-1.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 568px; height: 209px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgK8__Z-LwgRr2eILMse19AX-HjfcKJTiJR5aZNyyeL41xX4pchWPjuznaowCMLcrYcds1lXq6K04bgVxeCLpMoqQSo-UWKZH4RPF21yiBxkkubauTGcnO6QmFYGq_ZFdYOP7JExxxGc9pS/s320/marvelu-1.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5539630699794255202" border="0" /></a>Matthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07569099531705786742noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8071230011858741348.post-78667510743872993792010-10-31T13:30:00.000-07:002010-10-31T13:37:15.234-07:00Dunkin Donuts is speaking my language for HalloweenSince it's HALLOWEEN officially today and I'm in the midst of party aftermath (but not hungover) and I'm gearing up for more "fun" tonight, I think it's time to do a final blog on Halloween the day of. I'm planning on some most post-Halloween fallout coverage but for now, enjoy these LIMITED TIEM ONLEH DUNKIN DONUTS:<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhD9WkW5vS-mLMDIvn8k14-VTolLVvZMNuPd-tREVU7lpGrJRQEMyxcdY0iMDz2kZ5FQKFJyBBFQquesW7t-BDS0phPy1mfnG7A3X77qQk-li8wvbUnBQZkQGz8xJBqHVucspe0ff41KCRH/s1600/Photo106.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhD9WkW5vS-mLMDIvn8k14-VTolLVvZMNuPd-tREVU7lpGrJRQEMyxcdY0iMDz2kZ5FQKFJyBBFQquesW7t-BDS0phPy1mfnG7A3X77qQk-li8wvbUnBQZkQGz8xJBqHVucspe0ff41KCRH/s320/Photo106.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5534310722860871010" border="0" /></a>So not only did Dunkin Donuts have special Halloween Donuts (which isn't too surprising since they have seasonal ones for just about every other holiday) but they had TWO. I did a bit of street-research (it must be the dying journalist in me) and the Dunkin near Government Center had only the "Boston Scream" donut you see on the left hand side. This is essentially a Boston Cream, which is one of the better flavors of donut if you can stomach sucking down the pudding-flavored pastry ejaculate. On top we have an additional squirt of orange icing. Next up is what appeared to be just a regular Sprinkle Donut with orange coloring...but LO AND BEHOLD IT WASN'T!<br /><br />This donut, the one on the left, is suspiciously known only as the "manager's special" and I found it at the Dunkin Donuts in City Place, though I suspect by the time anyone finds or reads this blog the promotion wll be long over...there's always next year though. This one tasted like Pumpkiny. I was pretty amazed that they had bothered with some kind of enhanced flavoring. I might also add, that the icing was hard and caked and crunchy, which is just how I like it. When I pick up my donuts, I don't like to get shit and grease all over my hands. Glazed donuts are just a travesty for eating and so are the powdered ones. If you eat a glazed jelly donut with chocolate on top, you're going to hell. If you find such a commodity though, please write to me and I'll seek it out for the purpose of torturing myself with a culinary review.<br /><br />That's about it for now. I will post the results of the Halloween bullshit later tonight. This is the best day of the year kids. Stay safe.Matthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07569099531705786742noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8071230011858741348.post-31071158610377129062010-10-25T18:33:00.001-07:002010-10-25T18:35:00.940-07:00HALLOWEEN POPTARTS EXPLORED<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiH1EaxtesjotB2NYxw-UyVKskQY8vE4-Iux2YS9xD3tU6tYRFQx-HyAV7cLOBSZultNMy-0E2hwK4C1d6MCtOxXXBL4m7epGHIkoWsOVemErl1g2B6AfhpAdxnHxpHbfuwvUhVTrfjyAWo/s1600/Photo098.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiH1EaxtesjotB2NYxw-UyVKskQY8vE4-Iux2YS9xD3tU6tYRFQx-HyAV7cLOBSZultNMy-0E2hwK4C1d6MCtOxXXBL4m7epGHIkoWsOVemErl1g2B6AfhpAdxnHxpHbfuwvUhVTrfjyAWo/s320/Photo098.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5532162014307253074" border="0" /></a>Despite my not-so-excited feelings towards the product, I had to stop myself from consuming the last pop tart in 30 seconds to hurriedly take this picture somewhere in the vicinity of my stove.<br /><br /> The hype machine is screeching to halt. Halloween is inevitable. It’s going to happen. For better or for worse, we will endure it. We will pull through. The loose threads on our costumes will just have to make do or be taped for now. It’s time to go. Halloween is now six days away, and I’ve been waiting only 359 days for this moment…the moment when I’ll bit into a Halloween pop tart and truly uncork the life of the season. Sure there’s FrankenBerry and BooBerry and Count Chocula and those containers at Mcdonalds that I’d feel foolish asking for in the happy meals along with a myriad of other products that are promoting the season, but it’s crunch time, and I must get out the laundry list of Halloween themed blogs I’ve been planning this week. I actually bought the damn pop tarts in September.<br /> My quest for these repulsive things actually began at CVS and Walgreens and the other usual haunts for me at 2 in the morning when I have nothing better to do than shove food in my face. Then a friend of mine in Florida tipped me off to Target getting in shipments of HALLOWEEN poptarts. The location and stage was set. It’s a funny feeling taking the T around 4 minutes and walking nearly a mile through horse manure attempting to buy seasonal poptarts. A friend of mine actually was curious that that sale of such items wasn’t restricted to someone my age. I imagine they’d start carding for poptarts. If you’re old enough to have a license, Halloween pumpkin-flavored, sprinkle-blasted freeze-dried pastry is not for you. Not really for anyone, but much like the Halloween Oreos, it’s orange and therefore better due to Red Dye 40.<br /> So I made it through the entire box of Halloween flavored poptarts in a couple weeks. It wasn’t easy. I usually just grabbed them on the way out in the morning when there was nothing else to eat. They come two per package and the way I butcher packages combined with my inability to touch my food that I eat (due to like OCD or something) there’s no real way to save em. So you HAVE to have two per sitting. At least I have to. By the time I get half way through the second one my mouth is more dry than a whore house in…eh nevermind. Unlike the Cinnamon poptarts, which you have to eat like a thousand of to get sick of, you’re kind of only in this one for the sprinkles and for the hype. Skip it.<br /> In my next Halloween review I’ll be checking out some great products like donuts or something. Either that or I’ll do a recap of my Halloween weekend, though I’m pretty sure it will progress into absolutely disgusting filth and mayhem that I’ll be too embarrassed to recall.Matthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07569099531705786742noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8071230011858741348.post-61010782745278872522010-10-25T13:27:00.000-07:002010-10-25T13:39:05.197-07:00GOOSEBUMPS: THE ARTICLE-BLOG PART 2It’s been too long since I wrote part 1 of my over analytical entry on the formula of Goosebumps television episodes. But now I’m going to write more because I wasn’t done. This is the natural progression. Seeing as we’ve already cut our way into the narrative, I’m not going to bother recapping the truths I hold to be self evident to Goosebumps from part 1. Here are some things that I’ve noticed about 25 episodes in and the episodes in which I’ve learned these things. Pictures are intermittent:<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3ow6or0btd5GUU_Qy9t420Gkl9WpwmJxlovxvD52wt93nuG_AiOCMYNaaPOM2vicJEmqg1O09l4aV3GN_evTm3FChflVvyxrIG49MkjtZZ5noosWxC-QmF-pWjoFGPZedYV-kPrS3Us_J/s1600/morebadhair.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3ow6or0btd5GUU_Qy9t420Gkl9WpwmJxlovxvD52wt93nuG_AiOCMYNaaPOM2vicJEmqg1O09l4aV3GN_evTm3FChflVvyxrIG49MkjtZZ5noosWxC-QmF-pWjoFGPZedYV-kPrS3Us_J/s320/morebadhair.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5532083800258975906" border="0" /></a><br />1. Minorities appear in roughly every third episode.<br />2. Cats or rabbits serve as fake out scares in every single episode or other small animals.<br />3. Tensions is cut with editing every time a monster appears and we jump to commercial breaks.<br />4. Trusted adults or friends always end up as the monster<br />5. The episodes “Peak” in suspense half way through the episode, which kills any legitimate suspense.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-6Zby-DuusZade3tvW5XjcZ-P-9ceyES_85hgb3ZP3uDxCp2LNfD7kHBayW183EeqiiqPJz1K0ihroq3V2RCUdsDWouRroG1VD-cJz_GfJ-mje_EsQdQStSoy1iLMivclfuTdvhfINLG-/s1600/batmutant.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 239px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-6Zby-DuusZade3tvW5XjcZ-P-9ceyES_85hgb3ZP3uDxCp2LNfD7kHBayW183EeqiiqPJz1K0ihroq3V2RCUdsDWouRroG1VD-cJz_GfJ-mje_EsQdQStSoy1iLMivclfuTdvhfINLG-/s320/batmutant.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5532083399895823490" border="0" /></a><br />6. Monsters always cackle maniacally.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYhF_215PZmPw1O_dN43Nfo5A0CaI7W68gQ6V15NG3FuVxtPofNHMuBOt5a6cTniuUUaGoFTUBxeD7z_l-eF-EBj5Jyptfk6t9KBw3s4jviHEJS8LazByPtCJSxNUSGqqy5YKEUjXMr9Pf/s1600/huantedmask.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYhF_215PZmPw1O_dN43Nfo5A0CaI7W68gQ6V15NG3FuVxtPofNHMuBOt5a6cTniuUUaGoFTUBxeD7z_l-eF-EBj5Jyptfk6t9KBw3s4jviHEJS8LazByPtCJSxNUSGqqy5YKEUjXMr9Pf/s320/huantedmask.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5532083646231828466" border="0" /></a><br />7. You know the monster is beaten when it blows up.<br />8. Kids are often grabbed from behind by an adult (not like that you fools!) while investigating some place they shouldn’t be in.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0Ro3FbYISb8ai7oci0ganYgoYRtJ7uDfFDhhysjkln2BCfW7gJIZRxeDpyMfuOsSCtY6GPNXD61urbnuMsT1s9wSc0se2QlZLdRWzKrhwklr0x4p0PsaQHFkb5zg9FTU9eVgIAp77PIaM/s1600/dummygirl.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 233px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0Ro3FbYISb8ai7oci0ganYgoYRtJ7uDfFDhhysjkln2BCfW7gJIZRxeDpyMfuOsSCtY6GPNXD61urbnuMsT1s9wSc0se2QlZLdRWzKrhwklr0x4p0PsaQHFkb5zg9FTU9eVgIAp77PIaM/s320/dummygirl.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5532083507103254866" border="0" /></a><br />This “blog” has really turned into just a stream of consciousness that I’m unable to organize into coherent thoughts at this point and instead I’ll simply post my reactions to specific episodes in the hope that you’ll take heed and read them to see the ridiculous haircuts and convenient plot devices. So now some notes on specific episodes and screen caps I took highlighting them.<br /><br />Attack of the jack o lanterns:<br />-walker is gay as fuck. Whats wrong with his voice<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsqVHZ7XHiuCkU0W7AT1lK68SzL7oIFdF8LyYyhaFjPQhHsfvKHMLgr7OLbQd-yBrQqqIzYOOeyE_ahkfXghBAy2lA5Nn0l8lMTqo3N7xyl-QSmVoMGbyhZqplqePmsJrU9ra4WLsM0s1U/s1600/blackdad.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 242px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsqVHZ7XHiuCkU0W7AT1lK68SzL7oIFdF8LyYyhaFjPQhHsfvKHMLgr7OLbQd-yBrQqqIzYOOeyE_ahkfXghBAy2lA5Nn0l8lMTqo3N7xyl-QSmVoMGbyhZqplqePmsJrU9ra4WLsM0s1U/s320/blackdad.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5532083446354577858" border="0" /></a><br />-The proud family. The dad looks like a black Mario<br />-the bushes are hissing and breathing in just about every shot<br />-I actually jumped with the jack o lanterns jumped out but they’re giant retards<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdwlWH15S2GneQS9joJiTQyx0ZYeR-bfXPLzds9escLFKk46lx0X2iC6Kmdh1LCvUePhF1vuXtxitsVZYrXqVKuyytbQgyraEEgwTKey-9RwnZA3bWQWG9hg_cKKWqHXEemEHVRd9SttqP/s1600/pumpkinhead.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 247px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdwlWH15S2GneQS9joJiTQyx0ZYeR-bfXPLzds9escLFKk46lx0X2iC6Kmdh1LCvUePhF1vuXtxitsVZYrXqVKuyytbQgyraEEgwTKey-9RwnZA3bWQWG9hg_cKKWqHXEemEHVRd9SttqP/s320/pumpkinhead.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5532083870959774658" border="0" /></a><br />“MORE HOUSES! YOU MUST TRICK OR TREAT FOREVER!”<br />they cut from the kids walking away from the pumpkins into 2 more pumpkins. What a great scene transition.<br />-they fart fire out of their faces, which I didn’t even think I could imagine until watching this<br />-MOAR HOUSES<br />-the idea of getting back at people with scaring them on Halloween is identical to haunted mask…but stupider.<br />-candy fattens you up<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJFrZo4gbkOvImWQhhVdoxKzWwo-Aqw7WJ80DOxvUnEgArhyF4vbOicrxpbDTHdqJrWw-5qYEJmgd_Nf3wzEN7lj-JhcmVZ6QA4VUq1QkyeQ-o3CzT1Pfu0I7uciRjiIYt4V1TKz86aWHo/s1600/aliencockheads.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 242px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJFrZo4gbkOvImWQhhVdoxKzWwo-Aqw7WJ80DOxvUnEgArhyF4vbOicrxpbDTHdqJrWw-5qYEJmgd_Nf3wzEN7lj-JhcmVZ6QA4VUq1QkyeQ-o3CzT1Pfu0I7uciRjiIYt4V1TKz86aWHo/s320/aliencockheads.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5532085506858337202" border="0" /></a>-Aliens have green dicks for heads<br /><br /><br />More Monster blood:<br />80s porn soundtrack on an airplane<br />“Maybe I’ll be in the same school as you. Even though you’re like five years older than me”<br />-Fat prick in a hard rock sleeveless jean jacket<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7hLF05FHqHu_xBbiW5p4yMzwhp5P75xjfwT7GRhEHx7scNghp8iMAaE2nA4t4G0X8ARJdplW-4PTuTwbLDOkMNR8tU4pjqKi93X0TZUwjnZeg4lp6_CwHQmCZDQCp6t5wbT3w3wPrWZ1X/s1600/kidsonplane.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 242px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7hLF05FHqHu_xBbiW5p4yMzwhp5P75xjfwT7GRhEHx7scNghp8iMAaE2nA4t4G0X8ARJdplW-4PTuTwbLDOkMNR8tU4pjqKi93X0TZUwjnZeg4lp6_CwHQmCZDQCp6t5wbT3w3wPrWZ1X/s320/kidsonplane.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5532083740037204802" border="0" /></a>look at those fucking goggles.<br /><br />How to kill a monster:<br />I don’t think I’d seen this one prior to recently but I could be wrong, either way the house in the book is exactly like the house in the television show. Theres a really crappy Texas Chainsaw massacre vibe about it<br />-the monster is like king gedorah without the wings<br />How to kill a monster? Gumbo. Which can be made in a 2 minute montage as you’re keeping a giant monster at bay with a single door lock<br /><br />How I got my shrunken head:<br />By season 4 they really got their act together in terms of lighting production value, effects. It really looks like a modern show. Much better intro too. The kids mom is a whore whose low income boyfriends are driven off by her son playing safari. He screams KALI AH similar to mola ram. Sadly the dialogue did not improve.<br /><br />Shocker on Shock street:<br />has some of the best creature designs. Solid episode for the most part. Wouldn’t have felt terribly out of place in another horror anthology. Could have been better though because there’s so many changes from the book such as the giant ant and the omission of the graveyard scene. The basic plot structure and good creature designs made for one of the best episodes. Just wish it was truer to the source.<br /><br />Night of the Living Dummy 2:<br />probably one of the best remembered and most watched episodes, thanks to the VHS release.<br />-family night…what the fuck is this? Family show and tell? I hate conservative households<br />-he filmed his sister in the bathroom?<br />-this family DESERVES to be destroyed (clearly the best looking family in the show)<br />-I really wish slappy looked how he did on the book covers.<br />-Slappy is inheritly creepy, not just dummies in general but the ones in this show. No complex plot is necessary here. We know how this works from the start of the episode. Dummies fuck with family for no apparent reason. No more reasons behind it required. And who wouldn’t fuck with these dumbass families who buy their kids dummies and sing “if you’re happy and you know it” on the guitar on family talent night? These concepts of necessary 90s togetherness make me feel sick. The dummy talking really doesn’t bother the girl too much does it?<br />-This one is a weak sequel compared to the first one.<br />-Slappys really not that offensive is he?<br />-why is slappy afraid of the mom?<br />- thank god the guitar broke so he cant play shitty music<br />“I’ve seen better swings on playgrounds”<br /><br /><br />Fuck it. I don’t care to write about Goosebumps anymore, though I’m sure you’ve enjoyed my reactions to the hideous production quality of this show. I need to review some poptarts. I need a return to sanity.Matthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07569099531705786742noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8071230011858741348.post-1827058765803075402010-10-13T13:41:00.001-07:002010-10-13T14:10:59.151-07:00GOOSEBUMPS: THE ARTICLE-BLOG. PART 1So here’s an entry I figured I had to get out there before Halloween that’s been on the backburner for a LONG time. This is like…the Beowulf or Ulysses of my blog entries. Except it’s about trashy kiddie novels adapted for the screen. The truth is I had this one partially written and I’d taken a lot of notes and screen grabs over 4 months ago (this is true, I’m not bullshitting you). I’ve even done a remix of the theme song for you guys to correspond with the write up (though it’s more incidental than actually related…I just like the theme song). Anyways I now present to you my blog post on the Canadian 90’s television series based on the books by R. L. Stine…Goosebumps. But you already knew this judging from the title of the entry.<br />Stand back kids…I got a lot to say on this one. <a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcUnLjOMb5vb0e5mEKv0TtQ5UBcrqJbJ83DCxy55IkgasclvmTO-4WsgJBMdwi-8AbyNLNhVPzbB__1RwERk4KNKx-HyYR6ymSdS87kJOBgsF1MlI4c0i7kMmL6NahcEAoYJlhatmUV5Hd/s1600/6a00d834518eba69e200e54f346dbc8834-800wi.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 218px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcUnLjOMb5vb0e5mEKv0TtQ5UBcrqJbJ83DCxy55IkgasclvmTO-4WsgJBMdwi-8AbyNLNhVPzbB__1RwERk4KNKx-HyYR6ymSdS87kJOBgsF1MlI4c0i7kMmL6NahcEAoYJlhatmUV5Hd/s320/6a00d834518eba69e200e54f346dbc8834-800wi.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5527634731012121138" border="0" /></a>This might also end up a bit more nuanced, technical and analytical than my usual fare, which might put you to sleep or totally lock your attention.<br /><br />Unless you lived like…in dead house or the haunted mansion, if you were a kid in the 90’s then you knew about horror pulp in its lowliest incarnation. Goosebumps began circulating in the early 90’s around grocery stores, libraries and the like, making the rounds through the hands of eager 8 year olds with a penchant for being scared. The books were highly recognizable with their textured covers with inset lettering and the unique color scheme applied to just about every book. Though they were devoid of interior illustration and could usually be read on the crapper in about half an hour (I can attest to this personally), Goosebumps provided some cheap thrills and terrifying iconography for a younger, now drug and alcohol ridden generation of the 88-92 born crowd. A lot of little boys in my classes were familiar with the Hamster from Monster Blood, Curly the skeleton (who bafflingly didn’t actually appear in any of the books), the Mummy and of course Slappy the Dummy, who made ventriloquism terrifying forever.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLLuWipwixrv26t1eR7V7Rv5sXgvDkeO2UYta2k9Dwi8_QiCQXGI3xCGH-rCTbn3sV7DZeFiq6Za6Xb9qA10vsSvEOwIf4QQs8dAFpkPbYJeBJ69hnKz3vJLX5LrxomkCbqp_Lx0j1_QfW/s1600/stinecolor.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 290px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLLuWipwixrv26t1eR7V7Rv5sXgvDkeO2UYta2k9Dwi8_QiCQXGI3xCGH-rCTbn3sV7DZeFiq6Za6Xb9qA10vsSvEOwIf4QQs8dAFpkPbYJeBJ69hnKz3vJLX5LrxomkCbqp_Lx0j1_QfW/s320/stinecolor.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5527634608483318034" border="0" /></a><br />So once Mr. “Stine” had made a name for himself and Goosebumps hit a sort of widespread “fame” amongst kids…merchandise was demanded. Believe me it was few and far between. I think I had some kind of Hamster Ball that you turned inside out, a Horror land themed mini pinball machine, a screaming mummy statue thing and some erasers… lowbrow shit like that. In the years since Goosebumps has gone under I’ve discovered the existence of some action figures in body bags filled with slime and I feel like I really missed something important in my childhood by not owning these. But anyways, the audience for Goosebumps demanded more…and a TV show was delivered to us right out of the depths of Canada.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh12DAyCXpD2p3Luc1GONpHP49EC5-SY88S-9wHVGwu1tlhkLwj5tmxq9CZ5jPJKjH3Q_kPn22blcRg24CBASRkofWMurs0lS7wH2ecmEAro_nAm_cXv8lCEJ9OV7tEIkYj0hXesGWQQi2U/s1600/12539_0519_1_lg.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh12DAyCXpD2p3Luc1GONpHP49EC5-SY88S-9wHVGwu1tlhkLwj5tmxq9CZ5jPJKjH3Q_kPn22blcRg24CBASRkofWMurs0lS7wH2ecmEAro_nAm_cXv8lCEJ9OV7tEIkYj0hXesGWQQi2U/s320/12539_0519_1_lg.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5527634647119991506" border="0" /></a><br />The show was kind of like Tales from The Crypt or Are You Afraid Of the Dark or something…but lamer. In its lameness, it was easily one of my favorite shows when I was a kid. I enjoyed the thrill of it and waiting to see how scary the adaptations were of my favorite stories that I read on the crapper…I mean read in school. Right. Goosebumps had some kind of ongoing deal with “Scholastic”<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUFtAkZVrLzkVKy1wMyWAIw13tgR84dVuYspH5RwLQQgXBPnQlqTcF6cDJsH-LF4mrZBWH3qlLCr97q5N551IIEdTbxa1fonROc6IVQxOgwrsipRuoK3zuEVUTL9s3Pf1W4_FZhIvQzsZm/s1600/bookclub.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 267px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUFtAkZVrLzkVKy1wMyWAIw13tgR84dVuYspH5RwLQQgXBPnQlqTcF6cDJsH-LF4mrZBWH3qlLCr97q5N551IIEdTbxa1fonROc6IVQxOgwrsipRuoK3zuEVUTL9s3Pf1W4_FZhIvQzsZm/s320/bookclub.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5527638840218367970" border="0" /></a>(you guys remember those fucking catalogues?)<br />which ensured that I would be sent Goosebumps books through the school program at least once a month. By the time the TV show premiered with “The Girl Who Cried Monster” I was primed and ready to be jumping out of my couch on Saturday mornings, spilling my cereal all over myself. To be honest after the premiere of the show I wasn’t lucky enough to catch it on TV too often, and actually ended up watching a lot of the episodes on the VHS anthology releases (which were fucking cheap outs putting like two episodes on a VHS). My most rewatched VHS tape featured a creepy green hand on the cover touting “STAY OUT OF THE BASEMENT”. In this story, a girl’s father is actually a plant or something who cultivates plant babies in the basement. This plot was either ripped off by or ripped off from a BATMAN: THE ANIMATED SERIES (my favorite show ever) episode titled “Home and Garden” which came out in either 93’ or 94’. While I try my best to be an absolute historian of 90’s animation and pulp horror made for children, I can’t recall EVERY episode of every show’s exact air date. But anyways, this leads me to the amount of Goosebumps I had to sit through to make this “review” er…tribute.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhP4qxp67otyg9mzhLx4YA-kg6SAx4OtxqRTcTKGj7KXF-QQdXpEEi3qJ6EUsK-ZrOzt19CjJNC7lZo8FePil-0O3psjh2uyzgp9D81zydCwR6FtzbXqHKh7RQwfhJxxguBKZLG1u7Ptqh8/s1600/goosebumps.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 205px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhP4qxp67otyg9mzhLx4YA-kg6SAx4OtxqRTcTKGj7KXF-QQdXpEEi3qJ6EUsK-ZrOzt19CjJNC7lZo8FePil-0O3psjh2uyzgp9D81zydCwR6FtzbXqHKh7RQwfhJxxguBKZLG1u7Ptqh8/s320/goosebumps.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5527634686723425762" border="0" /></a><br />Over the summer I tortured myself watching Goosebumps and attempting to make it through every episode of the short lived series. It started with a couple strong seasons with plenty of episodes laden with cheap props and reused child actors who were never heard from again. The show was a lot scarier actually than when I was 8 years old. Back then I was fighting off hiding behind the covers to keep the monsters away…now I’m hiding behind the covers cringing at the awful filmmaking involved in this shit. But it does have a certain charm associated with it, especially when you’ve taken a few film courses and you’re able to identify the many things wrong with it. I’ve painstakingly taken a bunch of screen caps to illustrate some of the awful masks and clichés within these episodes.<br /><br />So let’s start with the episode that made me almost wet myself in fucking terror as a child…WEREWOLF SKIN.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWZpIAF-nh0qpYDSXmJ_iMINZfWZNa0sOeBWX_VD1JDQT80lY5U826djvkWTr1bHIT43XFQcV1u4M5X0Br8vrfUQxG3jssmmNgG7Eo5VJEmhLSnpNEpJM7SpYn_0g_tL1M40Nu8pa_aRbM/s1600/6305076677.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 175px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWZpIAF-nh0qpYDSXmJ_iMINZfWZNa0sOeBWX_VD1JDQT80lY5U826djvkWTr1bHIT43XFQcV1u4M5X0Br8vrfUQxG3jssmmNgG7Eo5VJEmhLSnpNEpJM7SpYn_0g_tL1M40Nu8pa_aRbM/s320/6305076677.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5527637977975164258" border="0" /></a><br />This one appeared on one of the VHS tapes I was familiar with, but I distinctly remember seeing this one on TV as well. At the end of part 1, a werewolf jumps through the kids window and it scared the beejesus out of me…though rewatching it this scene was just as poorly done and poorly paced as the rest of the scenes in every episode. One thing that can be said for Goosebumps though is that they knew their audience. So here’s a few things I learned about Werewolf Skin:<br />Rules of being a good photographer:<br />1. Take some pictures<br />2. Don’t leave your camera in the jeep<br /><br />Yes, within this episode, the main character (which is always a little kid btw) is dropped off at some creepy gas station to meet his extended family in some shit-nothing town which is said to contain werewolves. He wants to photograph said werewolves for his horror magazine’s contest so he can…win…or something. Right away from the first formulaic episode I began watching I began to piece together some things that ring true for just about EVERY episode of Goosebumps. Here is a brief list of notes I jotted down after sitting through like 25 fucking episodes of things that are necessary to include within a Goosebumps episode:<br />Opening shots and an initial “fake out” scare<br />Heavy Foreshadowing<br />Kids approach off limits place<br />Crazy Encounter Monsters<br />Kids learn how to overcome monsters by someone who somehow knows everything<br />Kids quickly overcome monsters using some kind of sudden lame plot device<br />Kids learn life lesson from their experiences<br />Cliffhanger ending<br /><br />But it’s not just limited to plot devices. Character traits are also cookie-cutter within these episodes across the board. Look for the following (but dear god don’t start doing shots or you’ll get alcohol poisoning within EVERY episode of Goosebumps).<br /><br />Typical character traits:<br />Talking to themselves<br />Having incredibly dumb parents<br />Often being an outsider or a loser<br />Protagonist characters say “soarey” instead of “sorry”<br />Often times the protagonist trusts characters that turn out evil<br />Striped shirts and high sitting pants<br />Over pronunciation and over acting<br />Hilarious haircuts<br />Dads often have comb overs<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWn3hG6zxHqpIfP3B4XwAo248YUgs4aLt2FtU4fCxP3bQ35NSFAL9dC89TEBLCFOc2dMAGtd5NCaycJElEIvd55nEGgrxvaBc-IkOVP2429WTynBGFnO2pf0Ik_gmoAbIVo1D96K5RSF0I/s1600/morebadhair.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWn3hG6zxHqpIfP3B4XwAo248YUgs4aLt2FtU4fCxP3bQ35NSFAL9dC89TEBLCFOc2dMAGtd5NCaycJElEIvd55nEGgrxvaBc-IkOVP2429WTynBGFnO2pf0Ik_gmoAbIVo1D96K5RSF0I/s320/morebadhair.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5527633978049450850" border="0" /></a><br />So we have typical flaws in the writing of the plot, the acting of the kids and the set pieces themselves, but we also have a lot of flaws on a very technical level as well. I realize that outfits and haircuts are not actually character “traits” but more external flaws, but givem the 1 dimensional nature of EVERYONE on this show, these atrocities are some of the only ways to differentiate characters. Here are some filmmaking errors that are commonly found within Goosebumps episodes, though rather than make you laugh, these tend to just make me groan or avoid looking at the screen.<br /><br />Typical Editing items:<br />Camera pans down<br />Shots always held slightly too long showing people doing extraneous things in the background<br />Scenes of struggle are always cut for commercials because they don’t know how to edit them.<br />There are ALWAYS point of view shots from the monster sneaking up protagonist<br />Camera tilts to one side or the other<br />Musical scores are inconsistent and shut on and off at seemingly random moments<br /><br />At this point we might as well just call this blog post an article…because I’m just getting fucking started. I’m passionate about Goosebumps. I’m not sure exactly if I like it or not, but I’m more passionate in talking about it because it seems like the sands of time have caused our generation to move on to pot and x box and move away from the finer things in life. Goosebumps is of a simpler time…anyways, here’s some funny quotes I jotted down from Werewolf skin:<br /><br />“My aunts making pizza waffles and she hates it when I’m late”<br />“Life is a phase I’m going through”<br />“I happen to like big meatballs”<br />(in reference to obsessed) “Oooo big word”<br /><br />If you haven’t yet caught on yet, this show is great for laughs. Sitting alone in my basement with the lights off (to attempt to achieve at least the allusion of a sense of atmosphere) I really felt like I needed to share this shit with somebody. Pizza Waffles? What kind of heathens are these people? Are the meatballs a sexual metaphor? Fuck it. What follows now (this is a list/note-taking intensive entry) is a list of things I personally learned from Werewolf Skin:<br />WEREWOLF SKIN FUCKING EXPLODES.<br /><br />That’s about it. But it also serves to prove a lot of the truths we hold self…stupid…about just about every episode of Goosebumps in addition to the editing, plot related and character flaws I mentioned above. Remember how I talked about the child stars (who I imagine were not paid very much) who were re used in episodes? Let me draw your attention to ANAKIN FUCKING SKYWALKER aka Hayden Christensen who appears actually as ZANE in Night of the Living Dummy 3.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUt95wNL_-LoWYpik8ou0CIv3dywmxuOpGC2qO-P581TY7z769kIx14ITgsBpKqSp7kB20cC0z-JT0ufxvpe7fBmA1dtCecyXAvozgBMUtdePaLrz8i2L1dbJOI6LHpmvoGRawW9rZhc01/s1600/hayden.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 231px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUt95wNL_-LoWYpik8ou0CIv3dywmxuOpGC2qO-P581TY7z769kIx14ITgsBpKqSp7kB20cC0z-JT0ufxvpe7fBmA1dtCecyXAvozgBMUtdePaLrz8i2L1dbJOI6LHpmvoGRawW9rZhc01/s320/hayden.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5527633807466844642" border="0" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEbcXYhNhAz3MvU01ZZxvid69eiAXHIedoRIARBWZMrxNty3OuRUlk7isDYfC8kV7tT_P8vYSMgugpnT3tZrFJpMV5oBdJMLy7uAU4HaA_m0kMIWX0UuBkZqAp4rcGjTfWUZKhr4xXj9tc/s1600/anakin.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 270px; height: 270px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEbcXYhNhAz3MvU01ZZxvid69eiAXHIedoRIARBWZMrxNty3OuRUlk7isDYfC8kV7tT_P8vYSMgugpnT3tZrFJpMV5oBdJMLy7uAU4HaA_m0kMIWX0UuBkZqAp4rcGjTfWUZKhr4xXj9tc/s320/anakin.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5527638078851967042" border="0" /></a><br />He sure grew up didn’t he? I don’t think so. He’ll always be the little boy I knew back on Tatooine. Everybodys gotta start somewhere though. And to think that Goosebumps spawned the career of the future Darth Vader also gives you an idea of the vicious magnitude of this show. I think I had the Zane episode memorized as a kid though, mostly due to the VHS tapes yet again. It’s credited by many as the scariest episode due to the annoying Dummy, Slappy who terrorizes children when the parents aren’t home one night. It’s actually got a darker tone than most of the episodes, and the stakes are somewhat higher. One thing that’s weird is people knew that this was the best BOOK within the “Dummy” book series by RL Stine so they made this episode before Night of the Living Dummy 2. In an effort to remain accurate (even though they just confused people), they kept the title at NIGHT OF THE LIVING DUMMY 3.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhO0NIJk8Off_UWQUUVmJI1RZRg8q0x7tvPh6bAJO0kmHcvUQj8mTO5GiEljJYlKozNuZNu0h9W8SY9JTP00fpsoKo1kZxc7x3cOcBjnDzH0pETOCDamJpBt8Lk51Gb17GmBMGHD2saesOn/s1600/goosebumps-goosebumps-3273059-300-285.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 300px; height: 285px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhO0NIJk8Off_UWQUUVmJI1RZRg8q0x7tvPh6bAJO0kmHcvUQj8mTO5GiEljJYlKozNuZNu0h9W8SY9JTP00fpsoKo1kZxc7x3cOcBjnDzH0pETOCDamJpBt8Lk51Gb17GmBMGHD2saesOn/s320/goosebumps-goosebumps-3273059-300-285.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5527634784210599170" border="0" /></a><br />You may remember from the novels, that Slappy had slicked back Brown hair. Kind of like Humphrey Bogart with freckles. There was also a famous fake out within the series where Mr. Wood the dummy was actually the villain of the first Night of the Living Dummy even though it was Slappy pictured on the cover. In the television show, Slappy is just a fucker. He’s obnoxious, has a lot of puns, and what’s creepiest of all is that he doesn’t even appear to be a dummy…more like a midget wearing a helmet who chases kids through the house.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggd7dna_CYjtfQ6wVDv2gCoIsvIL7rUG3aIDZscjS04oYVovd-GsRdk0UD0ywWpHjZlPhYMuaHjLOJdtRKKE5mqMBZDEGwJ92DO-nhui-3kjSkV6FDKQTrjWqpiPH62-uVnKpGcHh7DhKL/s1600/slappy.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 230px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggd7dna_CYjtfQ6wVDv2gCoIsvIL7rUG3aIDZscjS04oYVovd-GsRdk0UD0ywWpHjZlPhYMuaHjLOJdtRKKE5mqMBZDEGwJ92DO-nhui-3kjSkV6FDKQTrjWqpiPH62-uVnKpGcHh7DhKL/s320/slappy.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5527633891731192530" border="0" /></a><br />But anyways this episode isn’t half bad. In fact, I think if someone watched this episode first, they’d be given a false idea of what Goosebumps actually is. Check out these notes I took based on my gut reaction to watching this for the first time since the turn of the century:<br /><br />The gradual tension build up with the dummies is great. The fake out lasts most of the episode too. I just wish it moved a little faster.<br />The action gets pretty slaptstick towards the end but it’s not so bad. It’s pretty tongue in cheek. How much threat could a dummy really be anyways?<br />-If you’ve never seen this episode before, the suspense is a lot of fun with the dummies<br />-Slappy’s death fake out is great. He’s one of the few monsters on this show with a shred of personality.<br />-killed by single lightning bolt. Plausible?<br /><br />I’m not going to attempt to organize these thoughts into my “textural narrative” instead I think we’ll just cut the blog here and continue to talk about Goosebumps in PART 2. This is going to get far too lengthy and culturally irrelevant to begin to even expect people to read in one entry. As they say at the end of many a Goosebumps episode…<br /><br />TO BE CONTINUED<br /><br /><br />Spoiler alert: Writing this convinced me I'm insane.Matthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07569099531705786742noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8071230011858741348.post-40450839613827373942010-10-04T13:45:00.000-07:002010-10-04T14:05:09.179-07:00I put balls in my mouth. greenlaterngloballsLook at this dangerous acumen.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOfewZEKh7orCBpJCYvppL5YfOBJN1uzEwPM-nTP0gZpE60RevBCjyFEfxhd3EQ7PPaBT_71gRgiADDh2Cxj6RYqEuA3_D8rKIDnqz3nhzcimEPCepWOQfCRcxBkKDH6FzQZYhtQDblURM/s1600/hostess-green-lantern-glo-balls.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 213px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOfewZEKh7orCBpJCYvppL5YfOBJN1uzEwPM-nTP0gZpE60RevBCjyFEfxhd3EQ7PPaBT_71gRgiADDh2Cxj6RYqEuA3_D8rKIDnqz3nhzcimEPCepWOQfCRcxBkKDH6FzQZYhtQDblURM/s320/hostess-green-lantern-glo-balls.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5524295981739064338" border="0" /></a>True...if you google these things, this might be among the first images that come up because that's exactly what I did. When I first planned this blog entry (from the moment I was texted a picture of these things because it was relevant to my interests) I had planned on taking a picture of my haul and smashing these things apart and getting frosting all over myself, but I tend to blog while I'm in class and I simply don't have the means to get home right now and get hot and heavy with the glo balls photoshoot. But I do have the gusto to write about them...and I probably have the recipt somewhere to prove I bought them if you feel like tracking me down and forcing me at gunpoint to tell you how much they cost.<br /><br />Anyways, onto the obvious. Coconut. Green. Chocolate. Marshmallow. Superhero...food item. I'm sold. "I don't know if it's art but I like it" says Jack Nicholson as the Joker and in a similar mindset "I don't know if it's edible but I like it" In fact I've liked it enough, er...tolerated it, enough to fufill my obligation to the point of eating 5 out of 6 glo balls so far since I purchased this green Pandora's Box. Does it matter that it's Green Lantern? Kind of soon to be promoting that movie a good like...9 months or so in advance isn't it? I think the character is irrelevant. They could have tried to sell this shit with the visage of The Toxic Avenger (Troma films anyone?) and I would have been salivating with the urge to tell the world of this filth's existence.<br /><br />It's not good, really it's not...but it's green, so that's good. I guess that's my justification and the real main selling point of this item is the noxious green coloring. This is my favorite color in general, so anytime it's applied to food (unless it's organic or not created in a factory) I have an obligation to eat it. There's something different about an artificial green coloring added to food, especially chocolate or coconut. With orange you think halloween, or red or blue means 4th of July. What the fuck does green stand for? Revolution? Arbor Day? All Saints Day?<br /><br />You can eat them really quickly too, I could probably go two in one sitting but they leave me with a bit of acid in my throat after eating them (usually cause I use them as chasers for frozen pizza and beer so far). But you'll never be like "THIS IS GREAT" and in a state of pure sexual satisfcation and jubilation as you're shoving them in your fucking face. You'll just feel "meh". You'll feel like you're serving time. Doing your duty to the box of green latern's balls to finish them all. There's much better Halloween/hero food out there though...and it will be tackled in later blogs.<br /><br />Maybe I should change the name of this blog to "Shit I eat that will eventually kill me" or something. I've really gone down the tubes of pure cholesterol in the past few months with reviews of offensive foods. It's a dirty job, but someones got to do it. My facebook wall feed has a serious lack of green food reviews.<br /><br />I'm seriously getting down to the Halloween shit. Next blog will be on Halloween food. I promise. Oreos or razor bladed candy or something.Matthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07569099531705786742noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8071230011858741348.post-65817851911980407632010-09-30T00:55:00.000-07:002010-09-30T01:36:08.610-07:004:00 in the morning and it's an exciting time for filmWell alot of people said 2010 has sucked. I disagree, because I've really enjoyed a handful of films this year. The thing is though, those 5 films that I enjoyed were the only films I saw that were worth a shit this year. So in a sense I can agree with those who have been knocking this year for cinema. I know it's really early to be doing any sort of Oscar pooling, but I am really excited for a few films at the present point in time...so much so that I can't sleep. What films you might ask? Well how about I count down a list and you pretend like you care and maybe you might learn something? I'm going to count down films coming out either this year or next year until I hit my most anticipated release (2011 is the cutoff cause 2012 is just too far to think ahead without a Batman trailer)...<br /><br />10. Green Hornet<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcMZzuB4GaXmGoXY-oRUwhd8r1v2U-nDJbt1mTR6wODJfkuCKF1Go4ndSMIObwkDzbQqNP29PYpMIoX5qtDCH2AqiP5bUIJWi4zosSApHcs2zUAZSWQNB-v8ui9c92vBAlWcAtyeCJP8Em/s1600/green+hornet.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 214px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcMZzuB4GaXmGoXY-oRUwhd8r1v2U-nDJbt1mTR6wODJfkuCKF1Go4ndSMIObwkDzbQqNP29PYpMIoX5qtDCH2AqiP5bUIJWi4zosSApHcs2zUAZSWQNB-v8ui9c92vBAlWcAtyeCJP8Em/s320/green+hornet.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5522613114955632882" border="0" /></a>I'll be the first to admit this doesn't look that great...but I liked the pacing and flow of the trailer quite a bit and I like Seth Rogan and Waltz so it should be pretty fun. This is just the tip of the ice berg for upcoming movies though so I had to toss in a few bullshit ones.<br /><br />9. Harry fucking Potter<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvhl4_99rKHLPXrKGPnQyI4FEPKGr8dIrr8ck7RAuef1uDCtavQFzp2Ayv_JUhmbWc5sU0hIRI-l1plIC232zw4kl7QqZElqJuveWMxVGn5r9OMJr18mB9WB6Nn1m01fehddN9crtH3vAN/s1600/harry_potter_and_the_deathly_hallows_movie_poster.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 218px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvhl4_99rKHLPXrKGPnQyI4FEPKGr8dIrr8ck7RAuef1uDCtavQFzp2Ayv_JUhmbWc5sU0hIRI-l1plIC232zw4kl7QqZElqJuveWMxVGn5r9OMJr18mB9WB6Nn1m01fehddN9crtH3vAN/s320/harry_potter_and_the_deathly_hallows_movie_poster.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5522613505836031346" border="0" /></a>Has anyone else gotten a vibe of legitimacy from the past few potter films? Like they're actually stylish, and not just in the sense of grand stupid adaptations. Like...they actually have given me the chills on occasion, especially when Alan Rickman is doing something awesome. This newest one is being marketed as the most important movie you'll ever see to the point where it will burn your fucking eyeballs out of your skull, but at the same time I half believe it. I grew up with this limey bastard and this is the conclusion of his story. Whose going to die? We already know but watching the epic trainwreck play out and possibly win a cinematography Oscar in the process is going to be quite the sight...<br /><br />8. Due Date<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZrCiWPIz6bBo63PLUZAYYfFg4RjztriW0jyZvnkHEM6pRgHaQEWF1u0Gdw-OKHc-moZWxhBJC6kMeSPcagOhZQrHNSOHJGvM4pP9iuH7wUnYm_A3ZqEzSPUtz2ayTIsyrytPNzPQys9Jq/s1600/due-date-poster.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 216px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZrCiWPIz6bBo63PLUZAYYfFg4RjztriW0jyZvnkHEM6pRgHaQEWF1u0Gdw-OKHc-moZWxhBJC6kMeSPcagOhZQrHNSOHJGvM4pP9iuH7wUnYm_A3ZqEzSPUtz2ayTIsyrytPNzPQys9Jq/s320/due-date-poster.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5522614240782768194" border="0" /></a>I love Zach Gally and I love RDJ. Putting them together is almost insulting. Comedic genius at the same time. On that visceral level, I'm pretty pumped for this, but at the same time, I was genuinely disturbed by the trailer because Zach is the entire focus of the situational comedy. No love for RDJ. In fact, he's the butt of the joke in most of the cases. A total straight man. If you've seen Tropic Thunder, you know that RDJ can be pretty damn funny himself and it's sad to see him made a fool of and not get to do anything witty and just get pissed off the entire movie. You could have hired a lesser actor for that kind of gig. At the same time I can't wait to laugh at Zach's antics, even if I'll come out of it feeling slightly guilty.<br /><br />7. Battle: Los Angeles<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9GjMRzxv-i0t9jUcy_v8YZ3H-jLS-xyqNHSaNctVVNi0StJ468Kd7A3jtspp-fKpQCgqisLD0J2EZgB6IzbpDrXkFdTu2h0vnXbbS-YeBVBl-wl3lBnF0aiNwX9aJ8gfdm6xW3po-2Sxh/s1600/battle-los-angeles-poster-005-424x600.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 226px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9GjMRzxv-i0t9jUcy_v8YZ3H-jLS-xyqNHSaNctVVNi0StJ468Kd7A3jtspp-fKpQCgqisLD0J2EZgB6IzbpDrXkFdTu2h0vnXbbS-YeBVBl-wl3lBnF0aiNwX9aJ8gfdm6xW3po-2Sxh/s320/battle-los-angeles-poster-005-424x600.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5522615366247723698" border="0" /></a>So this one is quite a few months off, but it's got a few things I like: post apocalypse. stupid action violence. Aaron Eckhart screaming and most of all...Michelle Rodriguez, whose kicks a ton of ass. I'll be seeing this one on opening day no doubt.<br /><br />6. Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTlkjkxd6MAhYOtRXsFS5WqGtA4cIAdR0KCElp3AqGSJ7G6TJKzZ6Y6fgSP5KKfZS4Hdv1ERdCzwTmr0-J879SxDpabPLLyk6oFGYGPByn7cewdtPoE22zk78ALCOTI5ToY2pQu6iZbMPk/s1600/Pirates_of_the_Caribbean_On_Stranger_Tides_300.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 267px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTlkjkxd6MAhYOtRXsFS5WqGtA4cIAdR0KCElp3AqGSJ7G6TJKzZ6Y6fgSP5KKfZS4Hdv1ERdCzwTmr0-J879SxDpabPLLyk6oFGYGPByn7cewdtPoE22zk78ALCOTI5ToY2pQu6iZbMPk/s320/Pirates_of_the_Caribbean_On_Stranger_Tides_300.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5522617726742362354" border="0" /></a>Alright call me an idiot or whatever, but I really enjoy these films. I liked the first one and I enjoyed the second one despite it being crap. The third one was pretty wretched but I'm confident that without Orlando Bloom on the payroll it has serious potential. This is roll that Johnny Depp is made for and I'm sure alot of people will be happy to see him making a comeback.<br /><br />5. Paranormal Activity 2 <a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJQ2hSxtUHOBJk8FIfuz6SwCuRhsEeKjeFgq03Sc584VAD1cG7p-73wtvdByMLVkkh-ykHDa4asvacocpoVlIItdV8oS8gbMFKFNB-xqGSXDg59vHnttfBCZpmMgKJenHP_F_dnRYPe2M2/s1600/paranormal-activity-2-movie-poster-338x500.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 216px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJQ2hSxtUHOBJk8FIfuz6SwCuRhsEeKjeFgq03Sc584VAD1cG7p-73wtvdByMLVkkh-ykHDa4asvacocpoVlIItdV8oS8gbMFKFNB-xqGSXDg59vHnttfBCZpmMgKJenHP_F_dnRYPe2M2/s320/paranormal-activity-2-movie-poster-338x500.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5522618168786665970" border="0" /></a>I know my horror movies, and I know that I haven't been scared by one in a few years. Paranormal Activity was as effective as they come though. As soon as it ended I was a bit sad, that this unique and audience captivating experience probably wouldn't come along again for several years...after all, the main characters died...how can there be a sequel? Well, the public demands more, and much like the prequels of star wars, I fully expect the ruination of a good thing. I'd be lying out my ass though if I can't say I was totally giddy seeing a trailer for ANOTHER paranormal activity so soon though. Hopefully it's as gut wrenching as the first one was, but that will be a hard act to follow. If this movie didn't scare you...I'd like to know what did.<br /><br />4. Green Lantern<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDw1_qjvKvjRz0PCQSTJqYhanvhZeXTecvmxCpXgCHQ7uqatOrfR1GEd6J3wLvl-VRm2OQXmLE6V8hJtcYAGPj-NeBfa7m4zSmi5y63fblhXT6FGDWXjZqhQz58CjbZVSFEZ9AIJIME9j2/s1600/normal_greenlantern.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 214px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDw1_qjvKvjRz0PCQSTJqYhanvhZeXTecvmxCpXgCHQ7uqatOrfR1GEd6J3wLvl-VRm2OQXmLE6V8hJtcYAGPj-NeBfa7m4zSmi5y63fblhXT6FGDWXjZqhQz58CjbZVSFEZ9AIJIME9j2/s320/normal_greenlantern.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5522618837446778610" border="0" /></a>This is a really good superhero concept that APPLIES to movies. Like I'm not sure why this is just a movie now. Lantern is deserving as any for a film and Renolds is a great lead role. I think this has serious potential to be a stellar film (unlike Thor, which wont even make this list). This will also prove (if it doesnt suck) that DC knows what they're doing outside of Batman and can make films that compete with Marvel. I'm not too well read on this character, but I know it has a lot of potential.<br /><br />3. Black Swan<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5o7XaxH8Gk_xI_-axLf2jPpZ6fmU_rwHo6HIy9jcL-sNur744Ye7smpAZV1OvW6c3f8MeXE5Kdau5swMKkSNsQwX_lh94ogIjuAeekVo0ZOxpiYDFYMFWq8_tFkmvwpIusK7EAulIBQdk/s1600/blackswan_poster-535x793.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 216px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5o7XaxH8Gk_xI_-axLf2jPpZ6fmU_rwHo6HIy9jcL-sNur744Ye7smpAZV1OvW6c3f8MeXE5Kdau5swMKkSNsQwX_lh94ogIjuAeekVo0ZOxpiYDFYMFWq8_tFkmvwpIusK7EAulIBQdk/s320/blackswan_poster-535x793.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5522619997486307954" border="0" /></a>Arronovsky. Padme Amidala. Meg Griffin. What a fucking epic combination. I'm only half kidding too. This movie looks absurdly creepy and well crafted at the same time. Lesbians, ballet, nightmare sequences and people turning into swans. I can't quite explain what it's about (and I dont want to spoil it for myself either) but this movie is getting a lot of hype and I'm getting pretty excited to experience it for myself. Just look at that poster. Aldready winning awards! Before the poster was even designed no less. Not that that says anything except PRETENTIOUS, but I think we need one of these "elite" films shoved into the mix every once in a while to remind us we have individual thinking ability.<br /><br />2. Captain America<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2nE1R47uPjrU8rkqurbviRxNhdWs0r60BAC_4JV7BwSg8kzWBvHLQHH_tRIYIfrM3AgPEaGCtEFIPRtH5yaW5dGXP_P7FhV00WiPygdHnYi3LgYBHOB5NRclhDee1wMSHcuthbFDgQpEI/s1600/Captain_America_Poster_1_by_NineteenPSG.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 226px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2nE1R47uPjrU8rkqurbviRxNhdWs0r60BAC_4JV7BwSg8kzWBvHLQHH_tRIYIfrM3AgPEaGCtEFIPRtH5yaW5dGXP_P7FhV00WiPygdHnYi3LgYBHOB5NRclhDee1wMSHcuthbFDgQpEI/s320/Captain_America_Poster_1_by_NineteenPSG.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5522620715314008258" border="0" /></a>This WOULD be my most anticipated, but I don't trust Marvel. I trust Johnson. He made Rocketeer a pretty entertaining film, and it would fit the mood of a cap movie perfectly. Not sure I like Chris Evans as the lead, especially cause it retcons marvel's already troubled universe of films. But here's the thing. I love Cap. He's my favorite hero outside of Batman. I like the jingoism. I like the old timey symbol of hope in world war 2. I also really like Red Skull (and Hugo Weaving is good casting at that). If only I had more faith they were actually interested in making an original and even poignant film, instead of trying to fit into the stupid avengers project (which WILL suck) and compromising the direction their story could take.<br /><br />1. True Grit<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimZxLAal8xaT8n2YQNJdMU1dwRPTTos3h7dZcGhKdz7DQ0ANAhoy-NtTWfq2az2JI87IiVuszIt1Yf88sxQP_Cb4ntLD7-rcc1mPm5rdX1oG5bfTV9-OqJIVEjzpGX_tsa_7BmTMb_jJOu/s1600/true-grit-bridges-steinfeld-hr.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 213px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimZxLAal8xaT8n2YQNJdMU1dwRPTTos3h7dZcGhKdz7DQ0ANAhoy-NtTWfq2az2JI87IiVuszIt1Yf88sxQP_Cb4ntLD7-rcc1mPm5rdX1oG5bfTV9-OqJIVEjzpGX_tsa_7BmTMb_jJOu/s320/true-grit-bridges-steinfeld-hr.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5522621685000652962" border="0" /></a>Coen Brothers. Jeff Bridges. Cowboys. Brolin. Damon. Badass little girl character. Just watch the perfectly paced, and musically cued trailer. This is the masterpiece of the bunch I can already tell. The Coen Brothers are at the top of their game, true masters in the art of directing: perfect and simplistic and chilling all at once. This one looks to have a bit of satisfying action to boot. The trailer manages to give me chills every time. Christmas day hopefully will bring us the Oscar film of the year.<br /><br /><br />well I'm tired. I'm sure I forgot some upcoming movies to look forward to.Matthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07569099531705786742noreply@blogger.com0