FINAL TOP TEN MOVIES LIST

I waffled over (a turn of phrase which I adore) these picks for at least three weeks before I was confident enough in my choices to post them. Movies ended up being very hard to choose this year and I still don't think I'm entirely sure about the ordering of my top five. People complained all year about how 2010 was a "weak year", but now that it's come and gone, I actually really enjoyed a lot of movies this year; certainly more than 2009. I'll proceed to count down from ten for 2010 until I hit my FAVORITE film of the year. I'm judging these purely based on what I enjoyed the most. That means I might be bias to my personal tastes.

10. Kick Ass.
Prior to this film's release I was sure this was hipster garbage/trendy bullshit/etc etc etc. I avoided it for a long time before Sarah got me to see it. Sure it is "popular" and trendy among teens because at the core it is a teen movie; but there's a lot of great satire in this film that pokes fun at the conventions of the superhero genre. Like any other comic book geek, I've spent a while wondering if I were to actually don a cape and cowl how would I go about doing it? Where do you even begin? It's an interesting premise; but rather than go for a realistic angle they went for over the top violence. It works pretty well and makes an entertaining movie. Also, I'm a huge fan of anything CAGE, so the fact that he plays "Batman" was a major plus. Oh...and the last line is a Jack Nicholson Joker quote. Kudos.

9. Tron.
I must admit a bias here seeing the movie under..."ideal" conditions. I'm not a fan of movies that only focus on sight-gags, like Avatar, but unlike Avatar, this movie doesn't try to pretend to be some highbrow poignant piece of art. It's just meant to be fun and sleek and cool...and JEFF BRIDGES.

8. Iron Man 2.
Yet ANOTHER movie I was so ready to despise and I was so satisfied with. This is just rock and roll bliss playing out on screen. Robert Downey is always believable and cool, and I enjoyed Paltrow, Cheadle and the other members of the supporting cast (EXCEPT SCARLETT BLECH) as well. Sam Rockwell really stole the show and made the movie for me as corporate jackass Justin Hammer; easily one of my favorite film characters of the year. The action is good and the tone of the movie knows just what a superhero film should be. It takes itself just seriously enough.

7. Easy A.
Teen movies can be pretty fun if they're done tastefull and if the script is solid. It's been a while since a touching and sincere one has come along, despite the goofy stereotypical portrayls of high school always found in cinema. The last one I loved was Mean Girls, which is almost difficult to criticize; and while I have some problems with characterization and suspension of disbelief, not to mention motivation of the main character in Easy A, the acting carries it. Emma Stone is a natural and Stanley Tucci somehow manages to steal the show despite only being in like three scenes.

6. Black Swan.
Oh. An art film. I guess I'm getting to the meat of the issue now huh? This movie was immersive, surrealist and totally psychotic; and I felt it was Natalie Portman's best acting role to date. It's nice to see she's graduated the George Lucas school of wooden acting and moved on to bigger and better things that really showcase her ability. She's about 90% of the movie and the other ten percent is mostly comprised of her reflection in various mirrors, but it's creepy and it actually has a good message about the impossibility of perfection.

5. 127 Hours.
Horrifying and kinetic, I didn't have great expectations for a Danny Boyle film, but James Franco was totally fantastic; and I feel he gave the best performance in a lead role of the year. It's so much more than a movie about a guy who falls down a hole and cuts off his arm, it's about a guy clinging to life but also struggling to figure out what's worth living for simultaneously and regretting all his careless misanthropic years while staring death in the face. I loved it.

4. Toy Story 3.
Until the most recent revisions to my list, this was fittingly number 3, but I realized my top 3 are all interchangable and I like them all just about evenly. Since I like this movie a little bit less than those, it has to get number 4, but that doesn't mean it's not brilliant. Pixar is just on top of their game with every release. Tear Jerkers for adults and adventure films for kids. I loved Lotso Huggin Bear, the antagonist of the movie as well. A perfect ending to a series I grew up with. If this won best picture, I'd be thrilled.

3. The Town.
I really don't know if this is my favorite or 2nd or 3rd. This was a HARD call, but I have to go by entertainment and gut reactions so this is going to have to get the number 3 spot. Amazing that Ben Affleck co-wrote and directed and acted (very well at that) in this local crime movie. It's a lot of fun to watch and while the plot kind of rips of "Heat" a lot of aspects are just as well done, if not better; especially the romantic aspect. Jeremy Renner is pretty great too, and the nun masks were awesome.

2. True Grit.
I previously said number one, and I may go back to that notion but I loved this movie. The Coen Bros. are always fantastic and quite possibly the most talented directors alive right now with their fantastic pacing and humor. Jeff Bridges, Josh Brolin, Matt Damon and most of all Hallie Steinfeld are oscar worthy in their respective roles and nothing feels over done or out of place. It's traces of Coen humor scattered across a bleak western with a fairly light hearted adventure story. Unlike a lot of the Coen's recent work, I feel like this one will please just about everyone (except my tasteless friends).

1. MACHETE.
A top ten list ultimately comes down to what I personally had the most fun watching and enjoyed the most as a viewer, and watching Machete I was like a kid in a candy shop. This movie appeals to my sensibilities on so many levels: humor, glorified violence and "lame irony". The casting alone is an absurd joke despite strong leads from Danny Trejo and Michelle Rodriguez (forget Jessica Alba) with unexpected great performances from Steven Seagal, Lindsay Lohan, Robert DeNiro, Cheech Martin, and even cameos from the likes of special fx genius Tom Savini. After Grindhouse, the most fun I had at the movies in 2007 I was bloodthirsting for more and Machete delivered. Sure it's not a high concept thinking piece, but what the hell...I bothered to see it FOUR TIMES theatrically. Rodriguez makes the kind of movies that to me as an aspiring filmmaker seem like a ton of fun to work on and the end result just has the cast and audience sitting back and laughing together having a great time.

well there you have it. My wordy top ten, but I really put some thought into this list and I hope you enjoyed reading it. Here are my honorable mentions:

Jackass
Predators
The Fighter
King Speech

and I still want to see Despicable Me, Exit Through the Gift Shop, Blue Valentine and Winter's Bone.

My very own OFFICIAL HOLIDAY LIST!!! (I'm such a nerd)

I'll admit I've been saving up things to say for this one. It seems like I'm just brimming with my own unique facets of craziness which must be expressed in the form of holiday blogs.


LOOKIT ALL DIS CHRISTMAS SHIT! First it was white out MTN Dew…and now I’ve taken a trip to Dunkin Donuts yielding RED ASS donuts. I don’t know what it is that’s so good about red icing, but it has a certain chalky, tangible consistency that’s rarely found in icing of other colors. I appreciate it. I also appreciate how long and widespread this promotion has been. I’ve found these at MULTIPLE Dunkin locations now, being flanked by the gingerbread donut. The gingerbread flavoring in this one is convincing, though I think the caked on frosting helps. A note about frosting: The more dry and plastic in consistency it is, the better it is. I can’t stand it when shit gets on my hands and when it gets greasy. Even if I do hold my donuts with napkins, It’s just an unpleasant experience smattering your face in donut…grease. Makes you feel hot and sweaty and disgusting. I can’t even talk about this anymore. Let’s talk about something else disgusting…(as I’m coming down from a nauseating “Bolocoma”….
Mcrib is back. El Sabor or something the sign says en espanol. For only 4.50 (Tax included) you can now get the porklet sandwhich, fries, a drank and a FREE apple pie. I imagine, due to the hand printed out signs, that this is not a nation-wide promotion. Either way, I was feeling the Christmas cheer. It’s the season of getting. I don’t know when the Mcrib will actually be gone for good, but I shall not mourn it given the enormously long span of time in which it’s been available to us now. I think I’ve had about 4 of them in this time period though, and they’ve been getting increasingly less impressive.

We actually have a lot to be thankful for this holiday season…and a lot to look forward to. I’m going to now rattle off my official CHRISTMAS LIST! A top ten things I want or ten things I’m looking forward to that are pretty cool stories…bro. I guess this is really a nerdy/trendy Christmas list more than anything, but it’s basically the driving reasons to be alive during the winter months.

1. TRON! Coming out this week is the new super sleek astroglide movie TRON with Jeff Bridges. Hopefully it has nothing to do with the original TRON, which sucks a fat one. It looks like nonsensical fun with visual wonder.

2. THE TOWN on Blu Ray. So apparently, Ben Affleck’s new movie THE TOWN comes out this week on blu ray (to relatively little hype) with an EXTENDED cut that makes the movie half an hour longer. I don’t know about you but I can’t wait to see some of that. This was easily one of my favorite movies this year so I’m eager of course, to see more of it.

3. The Tron Soundtrack…by DAFT PUNK. While I already mentioned the hype for TRON itself, I don’t think I mentioned how damn cool the soundtrack is, which was made by the electronica band, DAFT PUNK. One of the tracks (Track 2, the grid) features Jeff Bridges talking over images of lightcycles and crazy shit flying through the computer screens.
4. BATMAN RETURNS-THE EXTENDED SOUNDTRACK. This is something that’s REALLY important to me, possibly more so than most of the things on this list purely because I’ve been waiting so long for it. The simple fact that I have it though, makes it a little harder to be excited for, like the TRON soundtrack. I’ve always believed this to be Danny Elfman’s best score so this is really a treat getting to hear alternate cues and extended tracks from the score that I’ve been familiarizing myself with since the mid 90’s on cassette tape.
5. The Tim and Eric Awesome Show Great Job Chrimbus Special. Oh I love Tim and Eric. Their sense of ironically lame humor is highly relevant to my interests. Needless to say, the Chrimbus special now on itunes) improves just about every time I watch the damn thing. It’s been a long, difficult summer and fall without Tim and Eric since the final season of the show ended. Hopefully the Chrimbus special will be a yearly thing and is a sign of more lolz to come.

6. Rocky Horror Picture Show Anniversary Blu Ray. Rocky Horror has been a struggle to get on DVD or blu ray of any kind, but now that it’s finally been transferred, and the transsexual movie is finally on shelves at Walmart and Target, it’s much more attainable. I haven’t broke down and bought this one yet, but hopefully someone gets the hint and picks it up for me…EITHER THAT OR I WASTE MY OWN MONEY ON IT.

7. Admiral Ackbar…the action figure. IT’S A TRAP! No…no it’s not. Instead it’s the best toy version of Admiral Ackbar yet. Highly worthy of purchase, especially at the relatively low exchange rate of currency for fishman of $7 at your local retailer. He comes in the traditional 1980’s style packaging as well to boot. But it’d be a crime to leave Admiral Ackbar in the box when there’s so many lolz to be made. I already have mine. WHERES YOURS?
8. Machete on Blu Ray. While this one is more of a New Years present, Machete complete with cooking lessons from Robert Rodriguez, behind the scenes, and all the extras you can shake a blade at, will be out January 3rd. You can bet your ass I’m excited for this release and I’ll be picking it up regardless of circumstance the day it comes out. Hopefully I’m not too broke from dumping money into all the rest of this stuff by the time it comes out.

9. TRUE GRIT. Coen Brothers. Bridges. Johnny Cash. Epic Little girl. Brolin. Damon. Amazing. That’s about all I have to say. We’re less than a week from GODDAMN TRUE GRIT, which is my most anticipated film of the entire year, and it comes out just a couple days before the year ends. What could possibly outrank this in terms of importance you ask?

10. GOOD WILL TOWARDS MEN. And a merry christmahanukwanzika to everyone. Are you JUDGING me for not being able to think of ten reasons to be alive? A joyous holiday season to you all. Eat shit and die.

OH DAMN THATS SOME GOOD SHIT OH DAMN: WINTER MOUNTAIN DEW

Holy shitfuck a CHRISTMAS MIRACLE! The first of the season. It’s funny how fate vomits things in your lap at your lowest and most desperate moments of despair. I was literally just in class writing a meaningful blog post about BATMAN: The Animated Series, a subject which I care about in a non-ironic sense. I started to half-heartedly begin my blog by complaining that there’s a lack of topical subjects to write about. I mean after all, it’s the season of CVS raids and good tidings, and I don’t have any sort of holiday themed bullshit to rant about how great it is. Maybe I’m just not feeling it this year. Anyways, there I was taking a trip to the C store to find some kind of drink to placate me in my daily lack of nutrition. I still had some residual Reeses pieces in my backpack (you’re reading first hand an admission of my hedonistic existence) to tied me over from a physical comestible perspective. I found some Lime Crush, which you probably don’t remember me reviewing a couple months back when I was enjoying life. I got to the counter and presented it to the overlord of the C Store when I saw it. It was a white liquid. Blue label. Winter themed. Dues Ex Machina Mtn. Dew. Mountain Dew White Out.

I’m not a fan of the Dew. It’s too caffeinated and it looks like green piss to me. It took some cajones forcing myself to buy some new flavor of mountain dew just because the bottle stated it was indoctrinated as permanent product due to a “Dewmacratic process”. It promised me that sometime last year or so, thousands of people actually bothered to go online and cast a vote for this flavor of Mountain Dew because they believed it was that good of shit. Seriously…how fucking awesome can a food or beverage be that you have to bother to go online and document your experiences with eating it? Oh wait. I guess I’m kind of an exception. But I do it from an ironic perspective. Half of this blog is hyperbole. This my friends, is the first food product written up here that I can officially endorse. As soon as I had my first sip I had formed my decision.

Oh damn. That’s some good shit. Oh damn. I haven’t used this loving phrase in a long time for ANYTHING. Keep in mind this ain’t no colloquialism of mine and I don’t toss it around lightly. Oh Damn That’s some Good Shit (ODTSGS) means that the product I’m referring to is life-changing and mind numbingly fucking awesome. Not only did slurping down this white stuff ramp me up with energy but it also tasted great. Read that sentence back to yourself and see if it makes you giggle.

I like the artic. I like glacial properties. Blue, idealized, fictional summits of ice, where penguins from Mario slide down the tops of cheerful moonlit slopes and party in fountains of youth to Lil Jon and the Eastside Boyz all night. Polar Bears are drowning themselves in Coca Cola like Bacchus. The maritime varmit I presently spoke of in my review of the KFC Double Down are emerging from waters gargling with purple frigorific Gatorade flavors. Remember, how people were wary of the turquoise Gatorade before it became racially accepted as part of the mainstream line of Gatorades? It was previously part of Gatorade FROST. I was on cloud 9, huffing Vicks vapo-rub in my bedroom with the air conditioner blasting dust mites into my face against my mom and the surgeon-general’s warnings slurping down some fuckin GATORADE FROST. Now I’m a man. And man has needs. And I need my ferocious thirst quenched in a manly manner with Artic themed shit whored out all over the bottle. Mountain Dew White Out. I shall buy it again and again. Starting tomorrow.
And if you still remain unconvinced, that is a picture of me unable to pull the bottle off my fucking mouth IN journalism class where we are NOT allowed to have food, as so decreed by a sign on the door in fear of spillage on precious equipment that never works up to modern technological standards.