Thursday, September 30, 2010

4:00 in the morning and it's an exciting time for film

Well alot of people said 2010 has sucked. I disagree, because I've really enjoyed a handful of films this year. The thing is though, those 5 films that I enjoyed were the only films I saw that were worth a shit this year. So in a sense I can agree with those who have been knocking this year for cinema. I know it's really early to be doing any sort of Oscar pooling, but I am really excited for a few films at the present point in much so that I can't sleep. What films you might ask? Well how about I count down a list and you pretend like you care and maybe you might learn something? I'm going to count down films coming out either this year or next year until I hit my most anticipated release (2011 is the cutoff cause 2012 is just too far to think ahead without a Batman trailer)...

10. Green HornetI'll be the first to admit this doesn't look that great...but I liked the pacing and flow of the trailer quite a bit and I like Seth Rogan and Waltz so it should be pretty fun. This is just the tip of the ice berg for upcoming movies though so I had to toss in a few bullshit ones.

9. Harry fucking PotterHas anyone else gotten a vibe of legitimacy from the past few potter films? Like they're actually stylish, and not just in the sense of grand stupid adaptations. Like...they actually have given me the chills on occasion, especially when Alan Rickman is doing something awesome. This newest one is being marketed as the most important movie you'll ever see to the point where it will burn your fucking eyeballs out of your skull, but at the same time I half believe it. I grew up with this limey bastard and this is the conclusion of his story. Whose going to die? We already know but watching the epic trainwreck play out and possibly win a cinematography Oscar in the process is going to be quite the sight...

8. Due Date
I love Zach Gally and I love RDJ. Putting them together is almost insulting. Comedic genius at the same time. On that visceral level, I'm pretty pumped for this, but at the same time, I was genuinely disturbed by the trailer because Zach is the entire focus of the situational comedy. No love for RDJ. In fact, he's the butt of the joke in most of the cases. A total straight man. If you've seen Tropic Thunder, you know that RDJ can be pretty damn funny himself and it's sad to see him made a fool of and not get to do anything witty and just get pissed off the entire movie. You could have hired a lesser actor for that kind of gig. At the same time I can't wait to laugh at Zach's antics, even if I'll come out of it feeling slightly guilty.

7. Battle: Los Angeles
So this one is quite a few months off, but it's got a few things I like: post apocalypse. stupid action violence. Aaron Eckhart screaming and most of all...Michelle Rodriguez, whose kicks a ton of ass. I'll be seeing this one on opening day no doubt.

6. Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger TidesAlright call me an idiot or whatever, but I really enjoy these films. I liked the first one and I enjoyed the second one despite it being crap. The third one was pretty wretched but I'm confident that without Orlando Bloom on the payroll it has serious potential. This is roll that Johnny Depp is made for and I'm sure alot of people will be happy to see him making a comeback.

5. Paranormal Activity 2 I know my horror movies, and I know that I haven't been scared by one in a few years. Paranormal Activity was as effective as they come though. As soon as it ended I was a bit sad, that this unique and audience captivating experience probably wouldn't come along again for several years...after all, the main characters can there be a sequel? Well, the public demands more, and much like the prequels of star wars, I fully expect the ruination of a good thing. I'd be lying out my ass though if I can't say I was totally giddy seeing a trailer for ANOTHER paranormal activity so soon though. Hopefully it's as gut wrenching as the first one was, but that will be a hard act to follow. If this movie didn't scare you...I'd like to know what did.

4. Green Lantern
This is a really good superhero concept that APPLIES to movies. Like I'm not sure why this is just a movie now. Lantern is deserving as any for a film and Renolds is a great lead role. I think this has serious potential to be a stellar film (unlike Thor, which wont even make this list). This will also prove (if it doesnt suck) that DC knows what they're doing outside of Batman and can make films that compete with Marvel. I'm not too well read on this character, but I know it has a lot of potential.

3. Black Swan
Arronovsky. Padme Amidala. Meg Griffin. What a fucking epic combination. I'm only half kidding too. This movie looks absurdly creepy and well crafted at the same time. Lesbians, ballet, nightmare sequences and people turning into swans. I can't quite explain what it's about (and I dont want to spoil it for myself either) but this movie is getting a lot of hype and I'm getting pretty excited to experience it for myself. Just look at that poster. Aldready winning awards! Before the poster was even designed no less. Not that that says anything except PRETENTIOUS, but I think we need one of these "elite" films shoved into the mix every once in a while to remind us we have individual thinking ability.

2. Captain America

This WOULD be my most anticipated, but I don't trust Marvel. I trust Johnson. He made Rocketeer a pretty entertaining film, and it would fit the mood of a cap movie perfectly. Not sure I like Chris Evans as the lead, especially cause it retcons marvel's already troubled universe of films. But here's the thing. I love Cap. He's my favorite hero outside of Batman. I like the jingoism. I like the old timey symbol of hope in world war 2. I also really like Red Skull (and Hugo Weaving is good casting at that). If only I had more faith they were actually interested in making an original and even poignant film, instead of trying to fit into the stupid avengers project (which WILL suck) and compromising the direction their story could take.

1. True Grit
Coen Brothers. Jeff Bridges. Cowboys. Brolin. Damon. Badass little girl character. Just watch the perfectly paced, and musically cued trailer. This is the masterpiece of the bunch I can already tell. The Coen Brothers are at the top of their game, true masters in the art of directing: perfect and simplistic and chilling all at once. This one looks to have a bit of satisfying action to boot. The trailer manages to give me chills every time. Christmas day hopefully will bring us the Oscar film of the year.

well I'm tired. I'm sure I forgot some upcoming movies to look forward to.

Monday, September 27, 2010

What is this, I don't even...LIME CRUSH?

It's been a long time since I blogged. Most of you probably thought I was dead, or simply just didn't notice my absence and continued with your daily obligations. So what happened? Was I abducted by rapists or aliens or alien rapists? Did I travel the world only to get lost in the Bermuda Triangle (because Christopher Lloyd says NO ONE returns from the Bermuda Triangle) or did I simply lack the motivation to write this blog while I was maintaining regular hours at one of the largest department store chains in the country? Probably the latter. Being back in school and being bored again, the call to write has hit me once more. We're reaching the most exciting season/month out of them all and with costumes and pumpkins comes promotional food product. Anyone who knows me knows that I live for promo food, loaded with preservatives and chock full of food coloring. The more stomach turning it looks and sounds, the more compelled I feel to consume it and write you an essay on why it's great. God has given me a duty to tell you this.

But I'm not ready to get to the Halloween entries yet. Never fear though...because I was walking into the C Store at Emerson today when I saw this wretched concoction:Your eyes don't deceive you, and no Ecto Cooler hasn't been re-bottled. Enter 2010. This is the wave of the future. That repugnant splash of bile in the background is heralding the fresh arrival of lime-ass Crush. I was a bit uncertain at first, but my hand shot towards the bottle with the intensity of Luke trying to grab his lightsaber from the wampa cave. Even the lady working at the C-Store asked me if I'd tried this shit before. I could tell that I was in for some serious shit if even she was wary of it. But there was no backing down now. I don't take heed or recommendations from C Store attendees. I make my own rules. I'm my own man. I drink Lime Crush.

So for the uneducated (or people who drink classiers beverages like wine or something), Crush is that crappy second tier orange pop that is stocked at most 7-11s and fine carbonated beverage retailers. My roommate drinks a shit load of it. I've found that Crush is a pretty good substitute for those purple pills you chew that the dentist gives you to show you when you missed a spot brushing your teeth. Trust ain't going out in public after drinking some Crush. It's lowbrow shit...which is part of the reason I was unwilling to accept it in any flavor besides its designated orange. But then along came lime.

My first inclination was that this would be just like Sprite or 7-Up or some other generic "lemonish" soda. How dead wrong I was. Spirte has a very familiar taste of concentrated Grenadine. This has a distinct taste of LIME juice. Yes, for the first time, a company has made a passing attempt at actually trying to emulate the flavor of one of the most inedible fruits. Imagine melting a bank lolly pop and then adding carbonation and this is what you'd get.

I think the biggest plus for this drink is the coloring. Sprite, Sierra Mist and the other "lemon lime" (this one is just lime) drinks are just clear colored every-man's sodas. This one is a murky ecto-plasmic color of know...the kind that would stain your teeth and make you feel like a lesser individual for drinking it. When I first picked up the bottle I thought it was just tinted green like some Dew..but no...the stuff is actually Frog Piss colored. This adds a major appeal, as you know that I love some green food. (Have I written about shamrock shakes yet?)

So all in all, my verdict is that on occasion I think I'll be able to endure a Lime Crush and prentend it's alot classier than it actually is. I didn't enjoy it though and it sure felt sticky. I think on the regular basis I'll stick to the old stand bys. Promotional cereal works. Promotional candy works. I'm not sure about promotional sodas...the scary thing is that Lime Crush is here to stay. I'm ok with that as long as they phase out the orange shit and leave it to Fanta to market it to us with hotter versions of Chiquita Banana. I feel like Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger force can be the spokesmen for Lime Crush.

I'm including "America" among the tags for this entry.