Monday, June 27, 2011


Aside from Batman, Captain America has always been my other favorite comic book super hero. I like what he represents. A man made to be a symbol of patriotism who kicks ass in WWII and fights for our country. Normally I'm not one for jingoism and patriotic crap, but something about the character brings out my fattest fanboy. I didn't mean that to sound the way it did...but from checking youtube comments on the newest film trailer, apparently a tightness in the pants was not an uncommon side effect from the new footage. As much as I feel like one of those people whose accused of taking the Christ out of Christmas, as soon as the movie was half a year away I started daydreaming about what sort of glorious food tie-ins we would get. While at first I felt wounded, confused and betrayed that 7-11 didn't come out with giant, obnoxious character cups like they did for Thor and Iron Man 2...what we ended up getting from DUNKIN DONUTS is much better. Trollops and belligerents, I'm pleased to present my favorite food tie-in item of recent memory.
The official title is THE FIRST AVENGER TRI CUP. I realize it's probably hard to comprehend the whole experience of the thing from the iphone pics which I took hastily as soon as I hop-skipped out of the store like a retard after it took them three tries to make the damn thing. The employees all look around at each other like "oh shit" when somebody orders this thing. You're making them earn their salary in the regular American tradition. So what is it?
Not to be confused with Tri-county or Tri-Clops, The First Avenger Tri Cup is a segmented vat of three Coolata flavors: Captain America Cherry. Blue Rasperry and vanilla something or other. Each of these segments is equivalent in size/volume to about one small coolata. If you order this're kind of in for it, but I was more than happy to finish it within ten minutes like some kind of crack-addled mosquitoe. After all I felt obligated at nearly SIX FUCKING DOLLARS. I don't see how the audience base for this thing will extend far beyond idiots like me and five year olds who will smack their parents and cause a scene until they're holding it at that price. But how could you NOT want it? They only advertise the thing in at least ...four corners of the store. Casual Cap fans with passing interest will get the Cherry Coolata or the star shaped donuts (which I also ate yesterday) but the true believers want the damn Tri Cup. It should be noted that the "release date" for the Tri Cup was today, 6/27 as I was informed yesterday at a local I was really on my game with this one.
How majestic is that? I'm still reeling (mentally and physically) from the one I finished 20 minutes ago and I want another. The flavors are great and it's fun to kind of decide which order to have them in...I began with white so the best one, blue obviously, would be bookended like the 2nd act of some incredible film. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but I really do like this one. The absurdly high premium is the only real drawback. The guy who handed me the cup probably didn't notice my pupils rapidly dilating and sweat forming around my brow. If this movie sucks I'm going to join the marines. Now if only I could get a three chambered RED RASBERRY REDSKULL cup.

1 comment:

  1. You had me "Trollops and belligerents."

    This sounds like art, the science behind the Tri Cup, well my friend, good thing they made such a thing for your drinking pleasure.