Monday, October 4, 2010

I put balls in my mouth. greenlaterngloballs

Look at this dangerous acumen.

True...if you google these things, this might be among the first images that come up because that's exactly what I did. When I first planned this blog entry (from the moment I was texted a picture of these things because it was relevant to my interests) I had planned on taking a picture of my haul and smashing these things apart and getting frosting all over myself, but I tend to blog while I'm in class and I simply don't have the means to get home right now and get hot and heavy with the glo balls photoshoot. But I do have the gusto to write about them...and I probably have the recipt somewhere to prove I bought them if you feel like tracking me down and forcing me at gunpoint to tell you how much they cost.

Anyways, onto the obvious. Coconut. Green. Chocolate. Marshmallow. item. I'm sold. "I don't know if it's art but I like it" says Jack Nicholson as the Joker and in a similar mindset "I don't know if it's edible but I like it" In fact I've liked it enough, er...tolerated it, enough to fufill my obligation to the point of eating 5 out of 6 glo balls so far since I purchased this green Pandora's Box. Does it matter that it's Green Lantern? Kind of soon to be promoting that movie a good like...9 months or so in advance isn't it? I think the character is irrelevant. They could have tried to sell this shit with the visage of The Toxic Avenger (Troma films anyone?) and I would have been salivating with the urge to tell the world of this filth's existence.

It's not good, really it's not...but it's green, so that's good. I guess that's my justification and the real main selling point of this item is the noxious green coloring. This is my favorite color in general, so anytime it's applied to food (unless it's organic or not created in a factory) I have an obligation to eat it. There's something different about an artificial green coloring added to food, especially chocolate or coconut. With orange you think halloween, or red or blue means 4th of July. What the fuck does green stand for? Revolution? Arbor Day? All Saints Day?

You can eat them really quickly too, I could probably go two in one sitting but they leave me with a bit of acid in my throat after eating them (usually cause I use them as chasers for frozen pizza and beer so far). But you'll never be like "THIS IS GREAT" and in a state of pure sexual satisfcation and jubilation as you're shoving them in your fucking face. You'll just feel "meh". You'll feel like you're serving time. Doing your duty to the box of green latern's balls to finish them all. There's much better Halloween/hero food out there though...and it will be tackled in later blogs.

Maybe I should change the name of this blog to "Shit I eat that will eventually kill me" or something. I've really gone down the tubes of pure cholesterol in the past few months with reviews of offensive foods. It's a dirty job, but someones got to do it. My facebook wall feed has a serious lack of green food reviews.

I'm seriously getting down to the Halloween shit. Next blog will be on Halloween food. I promise. Oreos or razor bladed candy or something.

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